Thursday, May 4, 2017

Email Garnaria

Uh...something akin to email garnaria might cause something like what's pictured here.

But I kinda digress.

No, this email garnaria comes from one Marina Garna, as she's trying to give me the business as another rich orphan needing a foreigner to gain access to her millions.  Take a gander:


This message might come to you as a surprise but please be rest assured that it is all for good, meanwhile, I prayed before contacting you and please do not see my mail as embarrassment as we do not know each other before.

For proper introductions my full names are Miss Marina Garna, only daughter of late Mr. and Mrs. BUDHI SUKMA GARNA, my late father was the Quality Control Supervisor at Tullow
Oil PLC in Ivory Coast. We are a native of BANDUNG in INDONESIA. But my father married my mother here in Ivory Coast where he was working and I was born and brought up here in Ivory Coast.


My father death on the 10th of March 2015 as a result of Great Stroke which lasted only for two months. And since after the death of my father, I tried to locate our families in Indonesia but i could not find them. Now I have decided to move on with my life

I am contacting you with regards to my search for foreign partner for investment , I wish to bring to your notice my interest to partner with you on a great business opportunity, I am writing you because I have plan to relocate and establish an investment in your country and
also to further my education over there, I have the total sum of US$ 5.3 Million, this fund I inherited from my late parents and I intend to invest this money in your country into REAL ESTATE BUSINESS/ AGRICULTURAL PROJECTS Etc of which you are to advise and execute the said venture for the mutual benefits of both of us. I am willing to compensate
you reasonably for your assistance and co-operation. Please be rest assured that this project is operating very legal and it is 100% risk free the fund is legally acquired by my late father and must be invested in legitimate ventures all the legal documents confirming the source and origin of the fund are intact with! Me.

If you are willing to work with me, please reply to me as soon as you can so that I will give you full details about the project as well as all my personal details. Eagerly waiting to hear from you.
Have a blessed moment.

Faithfully Miss Marina Garna  



"Have a blessed moment".  What was I supposed to do with the rest of the day?

Eh...edit:

This message might come to you as a surprise but please be rest assured that it is all for scuppernong.  Meanwhile, I prayed to a goatesque baphomet with kumquat eyes before contacting you and please do not see my mail as an abomination to all that's ant eaten in an Amazonian environment as we do not know each other before.

For proper introductions my full names are Miss Marina Garnaria; Edwina Clitoris Uterine; Mariam Abacha; Clovis Hooves; Dixie Normous; Anna Ivanova; Nancy Bela Pelosi; Hellary Rodehard Clinton; and about two dozen others I've used recently.  In this case, I am using only the first listed name.  This makes me -- in theory -- the only daughter of late Mr. and Mrs. BUDHI SUKMA CORNADOPIA GARNA.  My chronically late father was the Quantity Control Suborner at Tullow Snake Oil PLC in Ivory Coast. We are originally from  BANDUNG in INDONESIA, but have been willing to be from Sandusky in Upper Volta, Vaduz in bucolic Liechtenstein, Pamalama Ding Dung in the basement of the DNC and also from Tubuktim in Nigerian Benin. 


My father hijacked my mother here in Ivory Coast where he was working on tenets of Scientology and thetin mime control, using piranha genitals and axel grease.  Thus it was that I was hatched after a peculiar tryst between him, a surrogate yak and a witch doctor shrieking "unga bunga bunga!" at an animated rabbit in Australia.  There I was brought up like a bad lunch before we moved to the Ivory Coast and started an escort service where we prostitute goats to Somali pirates on holiday.
My father death on the 10th of February 2017 as a result of Great Stroke which lasted only for two months, 17 days and a half dozen golf courses. And since after the death of my father, I tried to locate my mother but she has taken up with zen philosophers in Tibet studying methane as a power source for intra dimensional space travel using pinto beans, broccoli and lots of Monster energy drinks.  The time space continuum will never be the same, I'm telling you.
 
Anyway, after all that, I have decided to move on with my life and become a genital propulsionist in telepathetic ambience studies.

 In fact, I am contacting you using the power of my genitals mixed with one of those predictive eight balls that someone jammed up my ass after I misread their tarot cards. I am willing to compensate you reasonably for any of my psychic predictions gone awry, which is about 99% of them, especially if I predict you get to have sex with Taylor Swift
 
 
and you wind up in a dark alley with Loretta Swit.

Please be rest assured that this project is operating very illegal and it is 100% risky as I am not very good at telekinetic projection and tend to spray psychic sh*t all over the place.  

If you are willing to get had by me, please reply to me as soon as you can so that I will give you vacuous and irrelevant details unrelated to the project as well as next to none of my personal details.
Eagerly -- oh f**k it -- desperately waiting to hear from you because I'm behind quota.

Miss Marina Garnaria  
 
 
Ms Marina decided it wasn't worth it to go on with her ploy as regarding my character.
 
She probably doesn't like Taylor.

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

I have to say that you captured Pelosi very well. I've never seen her look better than in this photograph.

Have a fabulous day, Mike. My best to Seymour and Element. ☺

04 May, 2017 07:43  

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