The Online Hazards of Asking For Hep

The election's over, Mooch.

The scams never are, however.

Here's another from Lome, Togo, a hotbed of things that Mooch would find distressing if she had a clue what really was:

Greetings From Miss Lea Esther Bahati,

With all due respect, I want you to read my letter with one mind and help me. I am The only daughter of late Mr.and Mrs Bahati,

My Late father was a very wealthy cocoa dealer in Lome Togo before he was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outing to discuss on a business deal.

my mother died when she was given birth to me, since then my father took me so special because I am motherless. Before the death of my father on 22nd June 2015 in a private hospital here in Lome Togo. He secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he has a sum of USD5,000,000.00 United States dollars left in a fixed deposit account in a local bank here in Lome Togo, that he used my name as his only daughter for the next of kin in deposit of the fund.

He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisoned by his business associates that I should seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose, such as real estate agent,

I am 17 year old. Dear I am honorably seeking your assistance in the following ways.

1) To provide any bank account where this money would be transferred into.

2) To serve as the guardian of this fund.

3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a residential permit for me in your country. Moreover, I am willing to offer you 30 percent of the total sum as compensation for your effort input after the successful transfer of this fund to your nominated account overseas.

I want you to help me not because of the 30 percent I want to offer you but to take me as your adoptive child and take good care of my life. Please save my life.

Hope to hear from you.

Thanks and God Bless

Yours Faithfully  Lea Esther Bahati.  

 

 

Kinda gives you that "awwwwww" feeling right between your bowels, don' it?

 

Neither will the edit:

 

 

With no due respect, I want you to read my letter with one mind and then seek the input from multiple focus groups before voting on whether or not to help Donald Trump fondle Moochelle Obola's penis, what with him being so disgusting and all.  I think that's a digression but I'm not sure, having fallen out of a 60' tree here raking leaves, which really doesn't help me.

I am The only pan-gendered prodigy of late Mr.and Mrs Bahati, a couple of morphodites of dubious sexual proclivities.  My Late father was a very horny sort in Lome Togo before he was forced to listen to 24 hours of Hellary's "fingernails on a blackboard" voice which lead him to throw himself off a 2' ledge into a pit of indifferent black mambas that were practicing the Macarena with a twerk emphasis, when he was impaled on Miley Cyrus's crotch.

My mama died in a primate hospital here in Lome Togo because we thought it was a people hospital, and she wasn't able to vine swing from admissions to the ICU ward like the other inmates. 

While auditioning to be one of Bill Clinton's intern genital humidors, he secretly called me on his bedside and told me that if I donated the a sum of USD5,000,000.00 United States dollars to the Clinton Crimedation, he'd get me a kickback and use petroleum jelly when he shoves the cigars in my gitz...and he wouldn't light them.

Generous bastard.

I am 17 year old, using crummy core math.  Actually, I'm 17 in dog years and look like Helen Thomas...after she died.

What's to be done in a manure not usually restricted to democrapic interns of Bill Clinton:

1) To be done in all the ways that Lisa was in Team America World Police.

2) To serve as the garnish of a crap salad.

3) To make arrangement for me to come or at least breath hard to further my education and to secure a crapload of free stuff during a George Soros paid-for riot somewhere over there; I hear your stores have toilet paper, Cheetos and Ding Dongs.

I want you to help me not because of the fact that I'm a low life piece of crap; I want to offer you but to take me as your adoptive child since Angelina Jolie overextended and George Clooney is too wrapped up with sh*t in Darfur and encouraging illegal immigrants to live in his property outhouse, mowing his lawn and sh*t.  Please save my life tonight, Sugar Bear, with no royalties to that funky glasses freak, Elton John.  Benny and the Jets my ass.

Hope to hear from you on which city George Soros and Hellary has riots in next...I want free Twinkies and Nike tampons.  

 

The edit didn't get a response from the scammer, but I'm sure it got me on Mooch's and Hellary's crap salad lists...