Saturday, December 10, 2016

Banking By The Numbnuts

Ol' Ken Roberts of Standard Chartered Bank, Nigeria, thinks he got up early enough in the morning to put one over on moi.

Here's his ploy:


Dear 3102892372, 

Greetings to you. My name is Kenneth Roberts. I work with Standard Chartered Bank in Abuja, Nigeria. I have been chosen to be your account officer and i am here to serve you. I am to assist you in activating your account with us. The details to achieve these are below.

A cash deposit must be made into your account for activation to occur. The cash paid into your account would determine how much your daily limit would be 
 
Your activation amount determines how much you can transfer at a time 
 
Below various activation fees. Please choose one and make payment depending on the amount you wish to transfer daily 
 
1. $100 activation gets you to transfer $10,000 daily
2. $200 activation gets you to transfer $50,000 daily
3. $500 activation gets you to transfer $1million daily
4. $1000 activation gets you unlimited amount of transfer daily

Name: Kenneth Roberts
Address: Kwali, Abuja, Nigeria
Question: details
Answer: activation

After sending the money, send an email to me with the MTCN for western union or reference number for moneygram. Send your email to ( kenroberts60@yandex.com ) 

Once i receive the MTCN and your personal details as below, I will activate your account. Once active, I will send you all your online login details. You are free to transfer daily out of your account with us into any account of your choice. The daily transfer limit will depend on the amount you send.

NB: Please send the activation fee details along with your information as below. Send your email to ( kenroberts60@yandex.com )  
 
 
You get the idea.
 
Needless to say,  ol' Ken didn't get up early enough to sell this h'yar...I work nights  ;-)  And had this edit ready to greet him and his chums the next morning:
 
 
Dear 3102892372,
Greetings to you, Binary Aggregate. My name isn't really Kenneth Roberts; it's something far more unpronounceable.  I work with a collection of butt scratching, public assistance receiving dolts that are currently playing like they actually work for Standard Chartered Bank in Abuja, Nigeria.  Work?  A four letter word here.  At any rate, it's my turn on the desk top as the others are out fingering their behinds on a lunch break, so I have been chosen to be your account officer and i am here to give you the business, aka serve you. I am to assist you in activating your account with us. The details to achieve these are below and basically irrelevant. 
 
 

A cash deposit must be made into your account for activation to occur. That's how me and my butt picking friends get paid.  We intend that you believe you will get large sums of cash for small deposits, though around here with the exchange rate between the dollar and the West African franc being what it is, $100 is a good month for us.  

So the way our game is played...you send us an "activation fee", assuming that you can transfer much larger amounts into your account with us.
Tee f**king hee on the latter, but I digress without knowing what that means.  

Below various activation fees. Please choose one and make payment depending on the amount you wish to transfer daily 
 

1. $100 activation gets you a free shrunken head from Ghana

2. $200 activation gets you a free spell cast on some inanimate object in your home, whereupon -- assuming the spell works -- it will attack you and rape your DVD player

3. $500 activation gets you a picture of all of us bowing in your direction while we pick our asses and laugh hysterically
 
 

4. $1000 activation gets you emails from the Clinton Crimedation that will wind up in the hands of the Russians, Chinese, Mongolians, Homopatheians, Cromagnus Rex and a couple of girls gone wild sororeties frequented by Bill Clinton daily  
 
 

Please choose one of the higher amounts above and make payment.


For ACTIVATION:
A cash deposit of any of the amounts above must be made into your account before your account can be activated. There are two ways to achieve this. You are to come to Nigeria and get eaten by our local cannibals who leave us alone so's long as we send someone their direction weekly.  OR, I could assist you in doing it...if you want me to assist you, you are to choose an option above and send the amount to me by moneygram or western union using my details below


Name: Kenneth Roberts

Address: Kwali, Abuja, Nigeria

Question: WTF

Answer: HellaryTF, that's who 


After sending the money, send an email to me with the MTCN for western union or reference number for moneygram. Send your email to ( kenroberts60@yandex.com )
Once i receive the MTCN and your personal details as below, I will foul myself in abject joy that we found us an abject nipplehead that actually thinks you can send money to an African country and get back more money in return...no wonder democraps in your country riot in and burn down their own neighborhoods. 

NB: Please please PUH-LEEEASE send the activation fee details along with your information as below. Send your email to ( kenroberts60@yandex.com )  Please let me be the first to pull this off...I can win a date with a virgin yak imported all the way from Newark.  Include please:

a. Your Full Names

b. Your Full Address

c. Your Phone Number

d. Your Next of Kin and their email (so we can play them too)

e. Your Date of Birth

f. MTCN or Reference Number for amount sent

g. Amount sent 
 
 

Thank you for letting us give you the business with us.

Kenneth Roberts

Foreign Twat Waffle Iron mechanic when not masturbating anacondas

Standard Chartered Bank

Abuja, Nigeria

kenroberts60@yandex.com   
 
 
Ol' Ken musta been very disappointed that I didn't fall for the account activation fee scam; or he's busy setting his alarm clock for earlier.
 
It won't be early enough ;-)

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