Yawp...

Especially scammers.

Take this scammer for instance:

I know that  message come to you as a surprise. I am the Auditing and Accounting section manager with Bank  Burkina faso. I Hope that you will not expose or betray  trust and confident which I am respose on you the mutual benefit for families.I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of($6)million to your account within 10 or 14 banking days.note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned sum while 60% will be for me

The money has been dormant for years in our Bank without claim.I want the bank to release the money to you as the nearest person to our deceased customer,besides I don't want the money to go into government treasury as an abandoned fund. So  is the reason why I am contacting you so that the bank can release the money to you as the next of kin to the deceased customer.Please I would like you to keep  proposal as a top secret between me and you. Upon receipt of your reply,

I will give you full details on how the business will be executed and also note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned sum while 60% will be for me,if you agree to handle  business with me reply immediately.DO NOT FAIL TO REPLY TO REPLY TO MY PRIVATE  Email(mrjohnsonabu01@yahoo.com)

(1.) your Name:

(2.) Country:

(3.)Phone Nb:

(4.)your passport:

(5.)your Occupation:

DO NOT FAIL TO REPLY TO REPLY TO MY PRIVATE  Email(mrjohnsonabu01@yahoo.com)

Best Regards,

Mr Johnson Abu  

 

 

Since my pet rock is on 'holiday' in Califorlornia, it was left to me to respond to my character's offer to get the business...with a fitting edit:

 

 

Putz,

I know that a message from an illiterate marmot with piranha genitals would come to you as a surprise; no sh*t.  It would to most people. I personally would be nonplused by being the recipient of such an email.  If this email were one such example, I might go so far as to say that I must recuse myself from societal activities during the needed time to commit myself to psychiatric examination and a plethora of anti-hallucinogens to purge the images from my blighted brain of such a thing as an email from an illiterate marmot with piranha genitals.

 

I mean, if ever there was a thing that screams "WTF???", this would be it.

 

Well okay...the other thing would be people with more than three brain cells voting for Hellary...that's a pretty massive "WTF???" too.  But I digress.

 

Fortunately, I am NOT an illiterate marmot with piranha genitals...last week I was the ruling prince of an internet café in the lower bowels of Lagos, Nigeria.  This week, I am the Auditing and Accounting section manager with Bank in bucolic and stank miasmaed Burkina faso. With this kind of range in acting ability, I expect to be nominated for an Oscar.  Or the very least, a Mayer.

 

I Hope that you will not expose yourself to an illiterate marmot with piranha genitals; that might be the equivalent of a "trigger word" even causing it to shriek like the one on YouBoob.  I also hope for a baked tater tot casserole that Napolean Dynamite wasn't carrying around in his pockets for a week or more to feed to his mama's llama.  I was hoping for a date with Taylor Swift -- now that the dweeb Calvin Harris is out of the picture -- but my fantasies in that regard were thwarted by a host of army ants that invaded my flat and ate my whackadoodle because I wasn't wise enough to wear a cup at bed time. 

 

Little bastards.

 

I finally hope that you won't betray trust and confident -- the two goats I butt boink with when drunk on Saturday night -- while I am respose on you the one way benefit intended here for my famdamily.  I need your unwanted and recycled dildos to make impossible-to-find-here pickle bread.

The following is now in code because of the confidentiality my handlers here insist must be a part of this email:  The monkey has been dormant for years in a hermetically sealed avocado dip without claim.  The monkey has been dormant for years in a hermetically sealed avocado dip without claim.  A mad squirrel has gone nuts.  A mad squirrel has gone nuts.  Wound my fart with a bean scented lacquer.  Wound my fart with a bean scented lacquer.  John has a long chin penile implant.  John has a long chin penile implant.  

 

Once you recognize the coded phrase intended for your geogiraffical locality, kindly go out and paint a tree stump like R2D2 texting at a shopping mall and watch as no one notices, mired in their own texting. 

 

Please I would like you to keep  proposal as a top secret between me and you because I just re-read this whole email. 

DO NOT FAIL TO REPLY TO REPLY TO MY PRIVATE  Email (mrjohnsonabu01@yahoo.com)

DO NOT FAIL TO REPLY TO REPLY TO MY PRIVATE  Email (mrjohnsonabu01@yahoo.com)

 

Gards,

Regards,

Reregards,

 

*hate when that email coding phrase app does this sh*t*

*hate when that email coding phrase app does this sh*t*

 

Mr Johnson Abu

Abu Johnson Mr

Johnson Mr Abu  

 

 

The scammer proved that at least he read what I dun to his email, Ma:

 

 

what is there wrong with you?  

 

 

Nothing...but in reading your email, I can tell that there's a psychiatrist's career wrong with you.  You best start your genital shock treatments at once if you have any hope of amounting to anything by the time you're 80.  

 

 

Either the scammer felt there was nothing further to be gained by communicating...or he's started those genital shock treatments.  I don't think he'll stick with them long...