The Pet Rock Has More Fun With Un

My pet rock, Seymour, seems to have a nose for any news of North Korea's Pudginator.

Pretty remarkable for a pet rock with no discernible facial features whatsoever.

Seymour seems to take particular delight in editing stories about Kim Jong/Jung Un executing people because he's so pissy.

Witness the following Seymour edit:

North Korea's Kim ordered 15 executions this year: He's still pissed

SEOUL (Roto-Rooters) – Piece loving North Korean leader Kim Jong Un – he likes breasts and thighs – ordered the execution of 15 senior officials this year as punishment for, among other things, failing to force Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make the sequel to Team America World Police featuring Un in a leading role, South Korea's spy agency reported.

A vice minister for forestry was one of the officials executed for failing to get a forest to serenade Un during a visit to an official North Korean Peoples' forest.

"Excuses or reasoning, common sense and logic, facts and science....none of it work for Kim Jong Un, and his style of rule is to behave like Barack Obola, and if there's any objection, he takes that as a challenge to his narcissism and comes back with executive orders which are interpreted here as execution orders," unofficial source Barked Shin said.

"In the four months this year, fifteen senior officials are said to have been executed," Shin cited the intelligence official as saying, noting that the dogs in North Korea are eating more as the executions go on.

In 2013, Kim purged and executed his uncle, Jang Song Thaek, for failure to get Un a leading role in the Parker/Stone movie sequel that's yet to be made.

Kim has also reshuffled close aides and senior officials repeatedly, giving them all a “bent deck of cards look”.

It is also expected that Un will travel to Moscow this month to attend an event marking the end of Vladimir Putin's extended puberty, although there was no independent confirmation of the plan.

North Korea's official travel agency has not booked a hotel in Moscow for Kim's stay – they inadvertently booked one in Burundi, which got them all fed to hungry dogs, Shin said.

The visit would be Kim's first overseas trip since he took power in 2011 after executing his father for winding up as a cockroach in the Parker/Stone movie.

Russia has said “WTFski?” to these unofficial reports.

Some analysts have questioned whether Kim, believed to be nearing 300 lbs, would choose for his first overseas visit an event where the stage would have to be triple reinforced to hold him up and have less control over proceedings in case it becomes a global internet joke.

Other world leaders have elected not to attend, not wanting to be on the same stage when it collapses under Un's weight.

(Reporting by Seymour PetRock)  


Seymour is confident that he can't be fed to a hungry dog.  Perhaps my pet rock will square off with Un in that Parker/Stone sequel, if it ever haps.