The Pet Rock Edits Iranian Bluster

My pet rock, Seymour, loves it when North Korea's pudgy nothing issues threats.  He is equally amused by the empty-yapping bluster that occasionally oozes out of Iran like a popped pimple.

As a piece of world geology, Seymour's been around.  Figuratively and literally.

A recent online news report said that members of the Iranian Military want a war with the US, because they feel a war with us is "not a big deal".

With the inept moron we have as apologist-in-chief with his non-working 'reset' buttons, I can almost see how the Iranians would become egomaniacally stupid.  Hard to respect a power run by such an abject moron.

Still...an all-out shooting war between the USA and Iran?  When we unleashed the US Military on Saddam, all it took was 100 hours to throw his sorry ass and elite Republican Guards out of Kuwait.

Iran and Iraq were in a seven year shooting war before that, that ended inconclusively.

So...my pet rock has undertaken an edit of a recent interview by two of Iran's military mental midgets, on accounta cuz he can:



Iran Wants War With US Because Obola Is “Such A Sissy Pants”

By Seymour PetRock GNS

Brigadier General Hossein Salami, the deputy commander of the elite Iran Revolutionary Goats Guard Corps, said in an interview on state-run television that a battle with the US would be national suicide, “except that they have Obola The Sissy, so we might has a chance”.

“Under normal conditions, we would never welcome war with the US as we do believe that they would kick the sh** out of us without breaking a sweat,” he said, according to a report by the semi-official Farts news agency. “But since their leader Barack Hussein Obola practically wets himself to please us, we think we are prepared because under Obola the US has become a sissy and is no big deal.”

Salami threatened that Iran would make like it was going to walk out of current negotiations with the US and other countries, just to watch them squirm and make more concessions because they are all “becoming sissies like Obola”.

“We warn the USA that we are capable of attacking their East Coast if we are of a mind to” he warned.

The commander of the elite Iran Revolutionary Goats Guard Corps, Major General Mohammad Ali Jafari, gave similarly belligerent warning during a ceremony in the city of Semnan, in the north of the country. Jafari reasoned that if “msnbc wets themselves to please us, the rest of the USA under the spineless Obola probably does too”, he boasted. 

“The military option that we have is, frankly, not worth a camel dork” Jafri admitted. “We couldn't beat the Iraqis in a 7 year war. But with the spineless Obola soiling his knickers to please us at the negotiating table – him and his horsefaced suckretary of state, Kerry – all we have to do is rattle our saber and we get more concessions than illegal aliens at a DNC voter registration drive in Mexico City”. 

“Today, Islamic Iran totally sucks goat ass, but thanks to America electing a spineless Islamic sleeper as president, the world’s biggest materialistic and military powers kneel down before the Islamic Republic,” he proclaimed. “It make us laugh”.  

Seymour still thinks this will get him a Pulitzer...he's actually less deluded than the Iranians.