Wednesday, February 25, 2015

If At First They Don't Read It

Edit, edit again.

The online loan scamstress Clara Smith shoulda, coulda and woulda, but she was too busy drying out her knickers after wetting herself in abject joy that my character responded to her email.

She just didn't pay attention to how my character responded, even though she said the email was "well noted and understood".

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

Here was the very beginning of her opening ploy:


Hello,
         We are Christian Organization formed to help people in needs
of  helps,such as financial help.  



The *TOING* reverberated around the neighborhood.


Thus, a quick edit in reply:


Hello,

We are cross between an atheist and Jehovah Witness organization,
which means we'll knock on your door for no reason.  We were formed
to help people in needs of understanding why we knock on their door
for no reason, being our mix of atheist/JW.  Frankly, it puzzles us too.

So if you are going through some kind of personal crisis in your
life, and we knock on your door, why even bothering to answer
it.  Only a cosmic muffin named Harold might hold the answer;
that's from the JW side when we say Harold be thy name.  We
really don't know that He's Harold, and our atheist side is
forever saying "Harold Who?"  Are you are finding it hard to
obtain understanding of why we sent you this email?  Some of
our cornfused congregation wonder that too.  But we'll be more
than unsure why when you contact us today via email
mrsclarasmithloanfiirm@gmail.com  for the JW bible says nothing;
you have to read it.  And the atheist bible says less, 'cuz they ain't
gots one.  They reckon it simplifies things as opposed to having
The Book of Nothing.
Now, someone named Matthew Mark Luke 'n Duck said in
Chapter 11:10, "now is the time for all good cuckoo clocks to
have their cuckoos fly south for the winter; he who seeks is
looking, and to him who knocks, he needs higher octane"
So do not let these phrases suggest to you that anyone who
eats creamed beets dies; that's simply nature doing it's normal
thing, since beets are by all accounts disgusting when creamed.

By any other name, Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever
more on the JW side, while the atheists mispronounce his name
when ordering tacos.
Please these is for vacuous minded and Coke bottle fearing People.
Now we ask you to offer up some stats about you so that we may
know whether you is or you ain't and which side of our org you is
or ain't inclining toward:

Your Name:
Your SEX;
What You Last Had Sex With;
If Atheist, When Having Sex Do You Say "Oh Nobody!" over and over again:
Country You Had Sex With:
Loan Amount You Had Sex With:
Loan Duration Of The Sex You Had Widdit:
PURPOSE OF LOAN SEX;
Valid Cell Phone Number (if you answered all the other questions, we definitely want speaks with you):

Thanks for your understanding to your contact as we Await

Regards
Management
E-mail :
mrsclarasmithloanfiirm@gmail.com
 
 
What response did this edit draw?  A stupid one, of course:
 
 


 

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2 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Bless her heart. They try don't they. It must work for some though or they would quit doing this. Must work on low information voters. We have lots of those. Like Katie there.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

25 February, 2015 08:31  
Anonymous Debbie said...

"u cannot be seriously?" ha, no you can't.

Love the picture of Kenyan born Obama.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

26 February, 2015 14:34  

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