Some better than others.
Not email scammers. But when you find that right "edit" for one, it only sucks for them.
Here's one such. Witness Anni Benson's opening gambit:
Sequel to your non response of my earlier letter to you for your Unclaimed Fund of $5.5m USD since I did not hear from you, Then I have deposited the total Money valued $5.5m at CARGO HEAD OFFICE as a consignment box because I traveled out of the country and I will not be back till next month end.
Please contact the Trust securities & CARGO Head office to deliver your consignment box to you. I have paid for the delivery Charges. the only fee you will pay is for the Storage the box accumulated since the box deposited with them.
please take note that as soon as they deliver the consignment, use this CODE NUMBERS TO OPEN THE BOX So AS TO CONFIRM THE TOTAL FUNDS OF FIVE MILLION,FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ($5.5M) THIS CODE ( 0036589] IS FOR YOU AND MUST BE KEPT CONFIDENTIAL BECAUSE IT IS JUST FOR YOU ALONE. PLEASE CONTACT THE COURIER COMPANY AT THE BELOW INFORMATION.
TRUST CARGO SECURITY SERVICE HEAD OFFICE
DISPATCH DIRECTOR, Rev Dr James A. Momoh
Try to contact them as soon as possible to avoid any more storage fees Please re-confirm the below information to the company immediately and tell them to deliver your consignment at your door step as soon as Possible. please be aware that they are waiting for you to contact them with your information to avoid mistake in delivery.
(1)Your Full Name:
(2) Your Address:
(3)Your Cell Phone:
(4) Your Company Name:
(5) Your Company Address:
(6)Your Company Position:
(7) Your Profession:
(8) Your Age:
(9)Your Marital Status:
Please always call them to know the condition of this consignment
My "non response" was due in large part to never having heard from this particular scammer before. At least not on this particular scam. But that's okay...my character will take care of that in true "sequel" form:
For the most part, sequels tend to suck. Yes, suck. Like a cheap vacuum. So they suck, but not in a good way (*now you understand the opening photo*).
So the Western mugu is then instructed to contact the Trust securities & CARGO Head office -- really a fly-infested internet café in a tent that primates run in and out of frequently, next to a croc-infested water hole outside of Lagos or some other Third World dump -- to arrange for delivery of their consignment box. The romance subplot then begins when the deliveress is a hot Taylor Swift-looking babe, and you fall madly in lust over her loins, while she is in cahoots with us to rape and pillage your bank accounts on our behalf.
DISPATCH DIRECTOR, Rev Dr James A. Momoh (yes, we're ALL Rev Doctors thanks to an online service that lets us buy education credentials that allow us to be pHd gynecologists from Harvard. $19.95 and up).
Try to contact them as soon as possible to avoid any more post production delays for further subplot twists. Please re-confirm the below information to the company immediately and tell them you'll sign your contract for no moneys up front, because we ain't gots none -- that's why we dragged you into this sh**, to provide us some -- as soon as Possible. please be aware that they are waiting for you to contact them with your information to avoid sending your Taylor Swift inflatable lookalike sex toy to Joe Bidumb, because he thinks if he fills it with helium, he can take it anywhere and sing songs about his pretty sex balloon being busted ala Madeline Kahn in Blazing Saddles. Joe's pretty simple that way.
(1)Your Full Name (if your name is half empty, we're not interested in you):
(2) Your Address (that is a request for your geographic location, and not a declarative statement of you being a garment):
(3)Your Cell Phone (we know you got a free one from Obola in return for voting five times for him):
(4) Your Company Name (we might want to scam them too):
(5) Your Company Address (see Number 2 in case you forgot already):
(6)Your Company Position (if you're playing Twister or Hide The Wienie, We Don't Need It Too Explicit):
(7) Your Profession (that's "profession" not "confession"; we're not priests and we don't want to hear about what you did to Mary Jane's goat behind the woodshed):
(8) Your Age:
(9)Your Marital Status (only if you married Mary Jane's goat after doing unspeakables to it would we be interested in hearing more):
Please don't call them to inquire about the condition of this consignment because we have them running so many scams, they can't remember all this sh**.
Please Confirm that I screwed you by way of emailing my primate's email address. firstname.lastname@example.org