Friday, February 13, 2015

Sequel THIS

Lots of things in life suck.

Some better than others.

Not email scammers.  But when you find that right "edit" for one, it only sucks for them.

Here's one such.  Witness Anni Benson's opening gambit:


URGENT NOTICE

Sequel to your non response of my earlier letter to you  for your Unclaimed Fund of $5.5m USD    since I did not hear from you, Then I have deposited the total Money valued $5.5m at  CARGO HEAD OFFICE as a consignment box because I traveled out of the country and I will not be back till next month end.

Please contact the Trust securities & CARGO Head office to  deliver your consignment box to you. I have paid for the delivery Charges. the only fee you will pay is for the Storage the box accumulated since the box deposited with them.

please take note that as soon as they deliver the consignment, use this CODE NUMBERS TO OPEN THE BOX So AS TO CONFIRM THE TOTAL FUNDS OF FIVE MILLION,FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ($5.5M) THIS CODE ( 0036589] IS FOR YOU AND MUST BE KEPT CONFIDENTIAL BECAUSE IT IS JUST FOR YOU ALONE. PLEASE CONTACT THE COURIER COMPANY AT THE BELOW INFORMATION.

TRUST CARGO SECURITY SERVICE HEAD OFFICE
DISPATCH DIRECTOR, Rev Dr James A. Momoh
Email: trustcargo-courier@diplomats.com


Try to contact them as soon as possible to avoid any more storage fees Please re-confirm the below information to the company immediately and tell them to deliver your consignment at your door step as soon as Possible. please be aware that they are waiting for you to contact them with your information to avoid mistake in delivery.


(1)Your  Full Name:
(2) Your Address:
(3)Your Cell  Phone:
(4) Your Company Name:
(5) Your Company Address:
(6)Your  Company Position:
(7) Your Profession:
(8) Your Age:
(9)Your  Marital Status:
 Please always call them to know the condition of this consignment
Best Wishes,
Benson  Anni   



My "non response" was due in large part to never having heard from this particular scammer before.  At least not on this particular scam.  But that's okay...my character will take care of that in true "sequel" form:


On Thursday, January 8, 2015 8:22 AM, Benson Anni <bensonanni473@yahoo.pt> would be shocked to learn that she wrote one thang but had it edited and emailed this way:
URGENT NOTICE

For the most part, sequels tend to suck.  Yes, suck.  Like a cheap vacuum.  So they suck, but not in a good way
(*now you understand the opening photo*).

We here in a West African nation of...well, it doesn't really matter because it's all the same Third World shit pretty much here...have concocted a script about a Western mugu who is contacted about having an Unclaimed Fund of $5.5m USD.  Typically, the Western mugu didn't believe it and shitspammed the email.  This forced the company attempting the scam to have deposited the total Money valued $5.5m at  CARGO HEAD OFFICE as a consignment box because the principle scamstress traveled out of the country and will not be back till next month end. *Please note that which month end is not used, so as to leave an open-ended calendar subplot in the script alive and well, in case of time and dimension-crossing sub-subplots being introduced at a later date*.

So the Western mugu is then instructed to contact the Trust securities & CARGO Head office -- really a fly-infested internet café in a tent that primates run in and out of frequently, next to a croc-infested water hole outside of Lagos or some other Third World dump -- to  arrange for delivery of their consignment box.  The romance subplot then begins when the deliveress is a hot Taylor Swift-looking babe, and you fall madly in lust over her loins, while she is in cahoots with us to rape and pillage your bank accounts on our behalf.
 
Only -- and we hate when this happens -- for her to start to actually fall for your mugu ass, and we have to replace her mid-script with an inflatable Taylor Swift lookalike that's not only not so hot, but frequently deflates and sounds like she's farting doing it.  You as the Western mugu are disenchanted, and talk of having yourself surgically altered into a three-puckered goat who plans to move to a ewe convent and ponder that conundrum.

See what we just did there?  We have such clever subplot writers.

The plot then digresses wildly as you are directed to interview Kim Jong Un, and assassinate him with a Play Doh shapeshifter, showing him to his childish delight how to make sex toys out of Play Doh, only to use substitute plastic explosives that blow up when he starts sodomizing himself with the Play DilDoh you just made with the shapeshifter.  This results in North Korea hacking our production team's fly-infested internet café, and causes us all kinds of problems in post production.  

But we overcome by getting Seth Rogan to publicize our plight in Hollyweird, and WetDream Works comes to our rescue with a R-rated ending that even the marionette sex creators in Team America World Police find tacky and disgustingly kinky. 

In the end, you and the Taylor Swift inflatable lookalike patch her leaks and live happily ever after with an air pump and free birth control that Sandra Fluke didn't need 'cuz she's a real dawg.

And no, this script is NOT the reason that the real Taylor Swift got upset and ran her make up after the Golden Globes.  We're mean and lowlife sacks of sh**, but we personally have nothing against Taylor Swift.  If we did, she'd accuse us of assault.

please take note that as soon as this script hits movie theatres, you will be a household joke and we will probably be sued.  We don't care since we're Third World scumbags and respect the law as much as Barack Hussein Obola does.

So just ignore all the rest and contact these peoples listed herebelow:

TRUST CARGO SECURITY SERVICE HEAD OFFICE
DISPATCH DIRECTOR, Rev Dr James A. Momoh (yes, we're ALL Rev Doctors thanks to an online service that lets us buy education credentials that allow us to be pHd gynecologists from Harvard.  $19.95 and up).
Email: trustcargo-courier@diplomats.com


Try to contact them as soon as possible to avoid any more post production delays for further subplot twists.  Please re-confirm the below information to the company immediately and tell them you'll sign your contract for no moneys up front, because we ain't gots none -- that's why we dragged you into this sh**, to provide us some -- as soon as Possible.  please be aware that they are waiting for you to contact them with your information to avoid sending your Taylor Swift inflatable lookalike sex toy to Joe Bidumb, because he thinks if he fills it with helium, he can take it anywhere and sing songs about his pretty sex balloon being busted ala Madeline Kahn in Blazing Saddles.  Joe's pretty simple that way.


(1)Your  Full Name (if your name is half empty, we're not interested in you):
(2) Your Address (that is a request for your geographic location, and not a declarative statement of you being a garment):
(3)Your Cell  Phone (we know you got a free one from Obola in return for voting five times for him):
(4) Your Company Name (we might want to scam them too):
(5) Your Company Address (see Number 2 in case you forgot already):
(6)Your  Company Position (if you're playing Twister or Hide The Wienie, We Don't Need It Too Explicit):
(7) Your Profession (that's "profession" not "confession"; we're not priests and we don't want to hear about what you did to Mary Jane's goat behind the woodshed):
(8) Your Age:
(9)Your  Marital Status (only if you married Mary Jane's goat after doing unspeakables to it would we be interested in hearing more):
 

Please don't call them to inquire about the condition of this consignment because we have them running so many scams, they can't remember all this sh**. 
 
 
Benson  Anni
Please Confirm that I screwed you by way of emailing my primate's email address.  bensonanni01@accountant.com   
 
 
None of the scammer's peers and colleagues bothered responding, but the originating scammer did:
 
 
what this you do my email?  
 
 
We make it classier than heretofore or any other time on the clock.  You like?  For a nominal fee, we make all your email like this, you saby?   
 
 
He/she didn't respond, so I reckon that takes care of the saby.  As for the teddy bear...just leave him be and back slowly away  ;-)   

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

what this you do my email? Well, we made it funnier and the end result is there won't be any money for anyone. That's what we did to your email.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. :)

13 February, 2015 10:02  

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