A Billyun Spirits 'n Counting

My new scambaiting character is hitting the ground running.  In a week, he's got 15 scammers vying for his attention.

Not bad for a dead guy, huh?

This one gets special note...one scammer sent out a "how to make a billion dollars online" hokum and sent it to over 200 addressees, with my new character being one of them.  Instead, another scammer chose to jump into the mix and take off on a "giving the gift of Spirit" scam.

That one, my new character was all over.

Here's the first ploy, how another scammer took off on it, and then my character's edit:


Did you know that we have paid out over $3 BILLION to people on the
> ClickBank platform?
>
> *.. Yes, you heard us right. $3 BILLION! That's with a "B". *
>
> Now we want YOU to get a piece of the pie and are willing to show you
> exactly how to do it, step-by-step.
>
> *Click Here To Get Your Piece Of $3 Billion* <http://bit.ly/1uhmAjp>
>
> This is something you can't pass up.
>
> All you have to do is follow our directions and you'll see exactly how you
> can get your cut. :-)
>
> *Click Here To Get Your Piece Of $3 Billion* <http://bit.ly/1uhmAjp>
>
> Hope to pay you soon!  


There are powers; there always have been powers in the Higher Half
Air, Spirit realms. The method I use is ritual demonolatry. I practice
black magick using the Creed of affiliated Princes. The Spirits can
give you love, romance, power, connections, fame, success, wealth and
so on. You need to understand that the human heart bears energy and
this energy is linked to the destiny, karma and fate breathed by the
Universe. Human success is dependent on whether this energy can be
harnessed well enough to wield success as defined by the human
subject. Your energy has to be aligned to that of the Universe before
you can wield anything extraordinary. This is why some people fail and
others are successful - Aligning energies.

Knowledge is power; knowledge can be bought, bestowed or acquired. The
depth of the use of special knowledge identifies each soul on the
platform of prowess. It is true that to know is to be privileged, but
you have taken a first step to have insight.

What you have to do now is give me the following details so that I may
begin work for you.

1) What you desire from the Spirits
2) Your full names
3) Your country of residence

When I get these details, I will summon the Spirits to hear your case
and get you their reply as they walk you through the path to the
answer to your quest.

Remain blessed.  

There are powers?  No sh** Sherlock; there are powers.  I use them to dally daily.

There always have been powers in the lower half of the digestive tract, which can peel paint and even make pets leave a room.  The method I use is ritual demonbowelolatry. I practice fecal magic using the Creed of affiliated sodomous goats. The Spirits can give you painful rectal itch, ear bloating, genital warts on your eye lids, love of crotch cricket jelly sandwiches, vaginal teeth, collosal conglomerated masses of solidified mucus balls and so on.

You need to understand that the human heart goes well with stewed kidney beans in cannibal societies.  Human success is dependent on  whether or not Uranus invades in the next millennium.  Your energy has to be aligned to that of an interdimensional popcorn ball before you can wield anything remotely like a wombat genital. This is why some people fail and others are successful at aligning interdimensional popcorn balls to wield wombat genitals.  And without getting wombat bit.  Repeatedly.

Knowledge is power; knowledge can be bought, bestowed, acquired, slept with and prostituted when able to wield a wombat genital. The depth of the use of special knowledge identifies each soul on the
platform of projectile vomitness. It is true that to know is to be privileged, but you have taken a first step to have painful rectal itch and the ability to use it to teach penguins not to look up at passing asteroids.  They'll never see them and fall over like dominos.

What you have to do now is give me the following so that I may begin work for you.

1) A virgin wombat genital
2) Eye of Harry Reid
3) Birth control of Sandra Fluke (seeing her outside of barlight should suffice)

When I get these, I will summon the Spirits to fart and armpit a Justin Bieber song and await as the souls of 100,000 dead tortoises stampede through your underwear drawer, seeking to answer your quest of whether or not your dog gets enough cheese, or if falling in love will stick to your face.

Oooga booga booha.   Click Here To Get Your Piece Of 3 Billion stuffed animal hairballs ungabungabunga  

While my character's response did not get a rise out of the first scammer, the second one --  Clifford Arajisi -- was allegedly impressed:


You really are an intelligent man. You should get a gift from me, through the Spirits. You are gifted, am impressed. 
My character thought to hisself and my pet rock simultaneously, "Wowzers!":

Yes, I am.  With an IQ of 156 and MENSA credentials, I am very bright, indeed.  I could probably teach your Spirit a few things useful, yes?  

 

 

My new character is pretty full of hisself, shore 'nuff.