The original email scam had NOTHING to do with the Pudgemeister or his magnet fodder, pictured here on the right.
But when I turn an edit over to my pet rock, Seymour...well, Seymour really REALLY doesn't like this guy very much.
It started as another one of those "dying-inheritance" email scams:
My greetings to you in the name of Our Lord Jesus Christ.I am Mrs Laura Kim Young Wiggins from United States of America. I am Married to Engr.Young Wiggins, a Korean-America who worked at Ivorian oil Refinery Company in Cote d ' Ivoire, before he retired in the year 2012. He died in the middle of 2013 after a brief illness. Before his death we were both devoted Christians. We were married for 26 years without a child. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of USD $ 6,600,000.00 Six million Six hundred thousand US Dollars in one of the finance firm here in Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire for safe keeping. Presently, my Doctor confirmed to me that I have a terminal sickness which is cancer of the lung. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke illness which had defied every medical solution which I had been trying to cope with.Having known my condition, I decided to donate this fund to a church or an individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages, helping the widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the gospel is preached to all nations to the best of human ability. The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I do not want my husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers More over; if I die with out willing out the fund for the purpose as stated above, the bank may confiscate it.I also do not want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way.This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.
You get the picture.
Well, Seymour decided to drag the Pudginator into the edit:
On Monday, January 5, 2015 3:04 PM, Laura Kim Fu Yuk Duk Fung Dong Wiggins <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote while being tenderized for a yapping pack of hungry yorkis:
My greetings to you in the name of Our virgin genital wart, Kim Jong Un allah butthook jones. I am Mrs Laura Kim Fu Yuk Duk Fung Dong Wiggins from Peoples Repugnant of North Korean. I am was marry to Engr. Kim Jong Un Fu Yuk Duk Fung Dong, a North Korean recently fed to hungry dawgs by Dear Leader because he refuse to change the first part of his name to something other than Kim Jong Un, as decreed in December last. You perhaps read about this, yes?
The newspaper that publish story was fed to same dawgs.
After we were to be wetted he was supposed to have worked at Ivorian oil Refinery Company in Cote d ' Ivoire, making little Kim Jong Un dolls to sell to local witch doctors. Instead, he died in the middle of a PETA "feed a dawg" carrier-pigeon-a-thon in Pyongyang last month. Before his death we were both devoted Kim Jong Un serviles. Presently, my Doctor confirmed to me that I have a terminal sickness which is being top of the next list for being fed to hungry dawgs by Kim Jong Un because he still pissed that his hacking of Sony didn't stop the movie The Interview; he also pissed that he not yet get a Trey Parker/Matt Stone movie sequel to Team America: World Police. He really REALLY wants a Top 1 song on the Kim Jong Kasem Top 1 chart on the official North Korean radio station, KGAG.
What disturbs me most is that I am being fed to 30 starving yorkis; that like being fed to piranha guppys, you know? I had been trying to cope with this knowledge and it not happen for me. Eaten by yorkis? Hell, hungry bassett hounds would have more dignity.
Having known my fate, Atlantis sent ships out to all corners of the Earth; on board were the 12: the Sharpton, the Pelosi, the Wasserman-Schultz, the Obolas, the Holder, the Reid, the Jackson Lee, the MSNBC and the other so-called leftist yorki appetizers, and appetizers they'll be to my main course.
If Donovan read this, he go back and try different drugs before revising song.
I decided to donate whatever my worldly possessions are to a church that specialize in caring for wayward wombats. I want a church that will make a statement unlike any other, and I think that a church that specialize in caring for wayward wombats do this. Before he wind up on my personal, can't-be-advertised sh** list, Dear Leader made us to understand that blessed is no one when Kim Jong Un don't get his movie, song or the stopping of that other movie. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death, only how that death is scheduled on live pay-per-view on the People's TV, KGAG (we have only one of pretty much everything here in North Korea, including sucks, and even North Korean sucks can be universally understood to be especially sucky).
Hence I know where I am going...picked up later with a pooper scooper. Exodus 14 VS 14 says absolutely nothing about that, and I shall hold my peace because I don't want at the last minute to be instead thrown into a pit full of necrophiliquack mallards that will keep doing me after I'm daid.
I do not need any telephone communication in this regard because the only phone we have is a hand crank type, and my genitals are hooked to the crank. *Wowzer*
With God all things are possible, except in North Korea.
As soon as I receive your reply I will give you the contact of a shady underworld wine maker named Ogun in Cote d 'Ivoire. I want you and the church to always pray for me because I hope to be fed instead to German shepherd. My happiness is that I saw Team America: World Police and laughed all the way through the puppet sex scene.
Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve Him will one helluvan overhand volley.
Please always be afraid of traveling to North Korea all through your life; the leadership here is totally f**ked up. Any delay in your reply will give me reason to think that Kim Jong Un got to you, too. If not, contact me here for more details:
Yours until the yorkis set in to chomping on me,
Mrs. Laura Wiggins
Seymour thinks that if he keeps this up, he'll get North Korea to hack the computers on my totaled Saturn Ion. I keep trying to convince him that Firestone has a better chance of resurrecting the Saturn than Seymour has of getting a Pulitzer for this.