Democrats Lost The Edit, Too

Some emails are easier to edit than others.  In the wake of the 2014 mid term shellacking the dumbasscraps received, editing's even more fun.


Take this scam for example:










Hello Dear,

I am Mr. Natan Pang a banker, I have emailed you earlier on without any response from you. In my first email I mentioned about our deceased customer a citizen of your country whose relatives my Bank cannot locate to claim his estate.

I got your address from online directory service and decided to write you. I am asking for your consent so that I can present you to my Bank Management as the next of kin to the late customer account proceeds value ($4,000,000)(Four Million United State Dollars) to be transferred into your account for our mutual benefit.

At the successful transfer of this fund, we shall share the fund on a pro rata based percentage [50% - 50%]. I am compelled to do this because I do not want my Bank to take over the ownership of this fund.

If you are interested and in agreement with me, get back to me quickly and I will send to you all the information you may need to proceed without coming to the Bank, and be rest assured that it is risk free project.

I look forward to your reply.

Yours faithfully,
Mr. Natan Pangnatan_pang@yahoo.co.uk  












Simple, straight forward.  Very unlike the dumbasscraps, as Jonathan Gruber makes clear.  So let's use a selection of them to punch up this edit:

I am Mr. Natan Pang.  I spent a week and 275,000 West African francs thinking up that name.  Don't knock it.

By trade, I'm a collector of grants to research anything that I possibly can.  Last week, I was looking into how methane from Harry Reid could power a Prius for 50,000 miles on one speech.  Right now, I'm researching how Nancy Pelosi's adams apple turns into a cow pie whenever she lies, which is pretty much all the time.  I am seeking a $250k grant from the same architects that brought you an ivy league nincompoop, Jonathan Gruber, and the ObolaCare Compost Hussle.  They bought his lying chicanery, I reckon they'll buy mine.

But when I am expected to be more representative of Debbie Wasserman Schultz's douche sponge, I'm an online banker. 

I have emailed you earlier on without any response from you. This is rude.  At the very least, you could send me a polite f**k off and die response.

Be that as it may...In my first email I mentioned about our diseased customer, Sandra Fluke, who wants her birth control paid for.  Heck, I thought seeing her in or out of bar lighting would save her the need and money for birth control.  Ewww.

Keith Olbermann saw her, and that's why he had a sex change and became Sheila Jackson Lee's genital wart.  

I got your address from Hillary Clinton's Rose Law Firm billing records.  It's where she hides everything from when she was fired from the Watergate investigation to when she was in Bosnia under sniper fire, and right up to how it was really Bill who gave birth to Chelsea and the sexually unspeakable things she was doing with Obola's putter during Benghazi.  

Democraps...they're a weird bunch.  No wonder they lost the 2014 mid terms.

The real reason I am writing to you is because I have no idea, so I'm making this sh** up as Ogun pokes me with a charged cattle prod...I am asking for your consent to shove Ogun's cattle prod up Eric Holder's ass...Valerie Jarrett.  Small wonder Holder's so jacked up.

I would like to present you to my Bank Management as the next of kin to the late customer account proceeds value ($4,000,000)(Four Million United State Dollars) to be transferred into your account so the IRS can pillage your name, accounts and any daughters you might have.

Daughters beat having to settle for goats.

At the successful transfer of this email, I expect the internet world to be amazed and awed at the fact that I didn't misspell one word of this.  See, I just learned English in a DC publk skool last moth, an eye kont weight to ax you wazz up, bleed.  I am compelled to do this because I have painful rectal itch in my sinuses and it makes sneezing really dicey.

If you are interested and have any genuine idea about what the original intent of this email is, please send a transcript of your assessment to MSNBC in care of Rachal Madcow, explaining in 100 words or less why she looks like Ben Afflack.  Get back to me quickly and I will send to you an autographed copy of Katie Couric's book, "Perky My Ass!", signed by Bill Ayers without exploding.  Rest assured that if it had exploded, Katie would be more perkily pissed.  It is risk free project, like researching Joe Bidumb's IQ.

I look forward to your reply.

Yours faithfully,
Mr. Natan Pangnatan_pang@yahoo.co.uk  

No doubt Natan Pang will be a tad nonplused to read this version.  So too the DNC.  At least, those among them who can read.