When Scammers Provide The Means...Use 'Em

As I was dallying with online scammers the other day, my pet rock, Seymour, asked me what was the point of filling a photo database full of scammer photos, without finding something constructive to do widdem?

*TOING*

Readers remember the Russian scammer Anna Ivanova, I'm sure.  This is one of the over 100 photos she sent me during our extended on again/off again/on again email correspondences.

*NOTE:  we're currently on again on two different email accounts*

Well, taking a pet rock's logic to heart will likely land me a future free mental exam.

"Will NOT!!!"

BUT...I did find it useful in dealing with a current scammer -- Rita Johnson -- who claims to be a refugee from the Ivory Coast (it must suck there), and is languishing in a refugee camp in Senegal (where it equally sucks there).

Of course, these particular refugee camps are actually rather exclusive places as I'm learning:  all refugees therein must have millions in a bank in yet another country.

And both Scientology and the ungreat Illuminati thought they had a corner on such crap.

Here was Rita's opening ploy to give my character the business:     

I am really happy in your response to my mail.How is everything Mine is a bit tough over here in Dakar Senegal.You are admired. my name is rita johnson from Ivory Coast in West Africa Aged 23,(never married before )and presently residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar  as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country.

My late father Dr Nicholas johnson was the managing director of Mavococoa and Associates (Ltd) and he was the personal advicer to the former head of state (Late Dr Robert Guei) before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and my father in cold blood. It was only me that is alive now and I managed to make my way to a near by country Senegal where i am leaving now in a refugee camp.

I would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and what you are doing presently.I will tell you more about myself in my next mail.Attached here is my pictures. I will also like to see your pictures.I will tell you more in my next mail.
Hoping to hear from you soonest  

That "more" she told me in the next email was in essence that her late Adi Amin Dada had left her with significant funds ($7.5 Million or so USD), and she needed my help to liberate both her and the funds from this posh Senegalese refugee camp (where Paris Hilton apparently spends part of the winter perhaps).  And that led her to have a Mr. Butterworth of the Clydesdale Bank in the UK contact me, demanding legal documents to procure the transfer of funds...followed by her bannister, Ashman Duke, who said it would cost me $500 to pay for those documents...and finally from Rita's spiritual counsel in the refugee camp, Dr. Reverend JoelMicah Farith.

You learn so much about the world beyond your own little bubble, when you take the time to listen to these ill-intentioned people of dubious antecedence.  Like that every pastor in a refugee camp is both a Dr AND a Rev. 

Most illuminating.

At any rate, my character -- non-titled Ben Dover -- made right along that he was "all in" to hep Miss Rita, and was diligently laboring toward that milestone day that he would wire the $500 USD via Western Union, to yet another name in the game:


RECEIVER NAME:              LINDA MECHI
COUNTRY:                            IVORY COAST
PASSPORT NUMBER:          A 3747445 A
PHONE NO:                            00225 4359 8872
ADDRESS:                                04 BP 1162 ABIDJAN 04
AMOUNT :                                    $500  

It was at this point that my character almost blew the game, because this same gaggle of ninnies had played my character, Jack N. Ewehoff, shortly before we began anew here, and him they charged $1100 for the same documents.  Ben almost blew it with this email response to the bannister:


I see you're charging me less than you charged someone else -- you charged someone else online $1100, and they posted about it on Blogger -- for the same documents.  I thank you very kindly for discounting my documents more than 50%.  That was incredibly generous of you.  


Apparently the bannister was lost in the thrill of thinking he had my character committed to sending $500, and totally failed to read that paragraph.

Which led me to Seymour's suggestion and the resulting *TOING*.

I had affirmed a date with the bannister -- shared of course with Rita and the rest of her odious colleagues -- on which my character would wire the $500.

And so it was, on the morning of that date, I did email them.  But not what they were expecting to hear:

Dearest Rita and bannister:  I most sincerely regret to inform you that I have decided to not follow up on this deal.  I realize that you were expecting fee payment Thursday and that Rita was expecting sucker...er...succor at the same time.  But life is a series of at times very difficult choices.  This was one such time.  It was a difficult decision, but was made simpler by the fact I got the same email offer from a woman named Anna Ivanova who is way more beautiful than Rita.  Proof of the last statement is attached.  The one in the bikini is definitely worth being given the business by; Rita on the other hand...well...I'm not THAT good a Christian.  You unnerstand I'm sure.  

 

 

So, using one of Anna's forwarded photos, above (of someone other than Anna, as those of you who regularly fence with Russian scammers know), I provided proof to them that Anna was definitely more worth helping out of a Senegalese refugee camp than Rita, who I represented thus:

 

 

 

That drew no response from Rita, the bannister or the Bank (who I'm sure all needed eye scrubs after opening that photo).  But from the Dr. Rev, I did get this:

my son the bible said that you should help one another, for the first time you told me that
you want to help miss Rita out of this camp, and agree with you, as a man of God,
my son i want to let you know that miss Rita have not eat any thing because of you,

Please my son, i have been in this work as a rev father for 25yeas ago, so you have to first
help miss Rita, after than you can help other person you like, because if you did not do as
i said God will be angry with you, i am telling all this as a man of God, just help miss Rita now
so that God will help you also in your business, please you should not fail to do what i told you
thanks i have to wait for your good news,

The good news that you await is here; I saved a ton of money switching to Geico.  But I digress:  I spoke with God about this very issue, and He told me in no uncertain terms that even in the spirit world that you and Rita dabble in, "business is business".  And if I'm going to let someone give me the business, I best do it with someone like Anna.  I mean, even God had an "atta boy" for me with photos of Anna like this:

So you see, God approves of my choice.  It sucks to be Rita.  

That was poorly received:

you are no christen.  god does not like blasphemy.

Actually, God saw that movie and gave it four out of five Ark of the Covenants.  It truly sucks to be Rita.

He is right about one thing; I am no christen.  Ben is spelled differently.

My pet rock approved of this message.