Friday, July 4, 2014

Gorillas In The Desk

I always get a kick out of those email scams that start out with "from the desk of" the scammer alias.

Though, with a little web research, I was actually able to FIND a talking desk.  Hence, the photo.

I'm just betting that this scammer's desk ain't one of these.

At any rate, I made short work of Mrs. Rita Ada and her talking desk.

Which isn't what she had in mind, I reckon.

Here is her opening gambit:

From the Desk of MrsRitaAda

I'm Mrs.Rita Ada, I write to seek your assistance in a fund transfer of my late husband. please let me know if you can stand for me and use the funds for charity organisations orphanages and widows, here is my email mrsrita091@yeah.net.

After over 56 years of practice, I think I am able to stand pretty well.  I certainly stand some of the more peculiar activities of my pet rock, Seymour.

"I am NOT peculiar!"

Whatever.

At any rate, once again I make the 'talking desk' a focal point in my edit of Mrs Rita Ada's effort to give me the business:

Not REALLY From The Desk of MRS RITA ADA:

I'm not Mrs.Rita Ada's desk.  You know how all those memo pads start with "From the Desk of Mr/Mrs So-n-So"?  Actually, a desk can't write a memo.  A desk can't dictate a memo.  A desk can't imagine a memo.  A desk can't sh*t or go blind, sh*t or wind its watch -- let alone, sh*t on its watch --or any of that George Carlin routine. 
But one thing a desk CAN do...it can prop up the stuff for me to write to you on.  That, and it gives a gorilla something to ransack.
On behalf of my gorilla-ransacked desk -- a clan of them went through our fly infested internet cafe like a dose of assaults -- I write to seek your assistance in a fund to rebuild our fly infested, gorilla ransacked internet café here in the jungles not far from Lagos, Nigeria.  Please let me know if you can stand for hearing from me soliciting funds for a fly infested, gorilla-ransacked internet café rebuild. 
Granted, I know what we do from these generally crappy facilities -- especially after a gorilla clan visit -- is reprehensible, fraudulent and lowbrow, but none of us know what lowbrow is.  A German beer perhaps.  At any rate, I need very much for you to respond..I am well short of my quota this month and our fly infested internet café enforcer Ogun -- once they wind and reattach his winkee that a gorilla ripped off and threw up into a ceiling fan that was running too fast -- is looking for someone to take his eunuch status out on.  
here is my email mrsrita091@yeah.net.


Ogun -- a perhaps mythical, perhaps real character who's name has popped up in a few of my exchanges with email scammers -- wasn't part of the original email.  But perhaps there's an Ogun in this particular fly infested, gorilla not ransacked internet café, and he wasn't much for reading what my editing desk dun to their email, Ma,  'cuz I got this reply:
 
f*** u 
 
 
Once the gorilla got your winkee, Ogun, I reckon that's an empty threat now, don't you? 
 
That appeared to leave whomever on the other end -- Rita, Ogun, the desk -- speechless.  Perhaps they can get a comment from the gorilla.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

f*** u. Well that wasn't very nice after all that hard work you did on the revision. I'm just saying.

Have a fabulous 4th. My best to Seymour. :)

04 July, 2014 11:19  
Anonymous Debbie said...

Mrs.Rita Ada sounds familiar, I'm wondering if I've had an email from her too. I don't do anything but mark them as spam and delete them. You have way too much fun with them.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

11 July, 2014 17:57  

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