Friday, June 20, 2014

Lord Of The Thrones

It seems that it's more of a global problem than some of us knew.

My latest scammer's opening gambit was pretty lame:  his name is Abdulaiye Rahmani -- perhaps related to the Martha's Vineyard Rahmanis -- and his scam pretty routine:

My name is Mr. Abdulaiye Rahmani, The current Auditor of a bank here in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, West Africa.  I have access to an undisclosed amount of moneys here in my bank.  In return, I want something from you and i need your total and 100% cooperation and assistance to realize this task.  


What he wanted, of course, was my confidentiality and my help in getting access to nearly $10 million USD allegedly ensconced in his bank.  Uh huh.

Lots of rich Americans put their money in Burkina Faso banks before they go to die in car accidents and plane crashes there.  'Cuz truthfully, there ain't much else to do in Burkina Faso, unless you want to be eaten by army ants or something.

After talking it over with my pet rock, Seymour, we've both been looking for a scam to make use of the photo above.

*TOING*

Thus, the following edit of the scammer email:


Greetings to you and your flushing toilet

My name is Mr. Abdulaiye Rahmani, The current Auditor of a bank here in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, West Africa.  I have access to an undisclosed amount of moneys here in my bank.  In return, I want something from you and i need your total and 100% cooperation and assistance to realize this task.

I want your flushing toilet.  I am assuring you that I am most serious about this transaction. We will never lack again in life if we can join hands together for making this deal a success.  You'll never lack for moneys; I'll never lack for a flushing toilet.

It has been over 9 years now that we once had the ONLY flushing toilet in Ouagadougou.  No other bank, hotel, fly-infested internet café, cannibal ox cart drive-through restaurant...I do mean NO PLACE....had a flushing toilet.  Only us.  Everyone ELSE has to go out behind a tree to defecate.  And believe me, there isn't a tree left within our borders that ain't got a John Kerry-sized mound of poo-age behind it.


I think I just did something there...if you saw it, tell me what it was, in case it was funny.
At any rate, we had the ONLY flushing toilet here in Ouagadougou.  Then we got robbed.  The robber gang didn't take our money, hostages, nothing.  They took nothing but the very soul and inspiration from our very being.  They kiped our flushing toilet.

And then those savage bastards sold it on eBay.  To a mushroom-addicted politician in San Freakcisco, Bela Pelosi.  They convinced her it was a "magic chair" that had unlimited storage potential and laid golden doogies.

Left wing American politicians is soooooo stupid.  But I digress.

Now our bank smells like the rest of Burkina Faso. 

Well, I came up with a plan.  Not a pran like Kim Jong Il, the dead marrionette in Team America World Police.  If I promised someone MONEY in exchange for their FLUSHING TOILET, I'd make any deal, strike any bargain, go any length to get it done.

Well no..I won't vote under 2700 made-up names for hillary in '16, no matter how many free phones the DNC promises me.  But about anything else goes in my quest to get us the only flushing toilet in Burkina Faso.

If I just did something there and you saw it, let me know I should be laughing here.

So...that's my plan.  Unlike Kim Jong Il's pran, my plan is a much better plan than his pran.  I think you can see that prainry.  Oops, sorry...forgot what character I was supposed to be there for a minute.

I want us to be the talk of all of West Africa again.  We having the only flushing toilet within a thousand miles around.  How ELSE do you think we were making money at this bank?  Surely not by depositing toilet paper valued West African francs?  No...we charged fees for drop-by use of our flushing toilet.

Dude, it pays the bills and thensome.  We have a lot of people who're full of cowadunga here too, y'know.  Just look at Boko Haram.

I am soonest anxious now to know if you are the savior who will render us up a flushing toilet?  It is more than Nine years now and most of us will need to be re-trained on how one works.  But we are willing to learn.  And we plan to reward you if you help us.

 There is no one coming to ask you any question whatsoever about this deal because no one here but me knows about this. Further details shall be mailed to you if only you show any sign of seriousness and interest.
Best Regard,
Mr. Abdulaiye Rahmani
+22676966576
abdulaiye5@aol.jp
Founder and CEO of the SAVE OUR FLUSHING TOILET campaign
An SEC 419 approved pran   
 
 
It appears that this edit pretty much took care of Rahmani concluding that I was showing any signs of seriousness and interest here.
 
He might try my pet rock with a follow up.
 
"Will NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!".

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2 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Remind me never to visit this place. Sounds like one huge outdoor toilet with John Kerry and Nancy Pelosi thrown in for good measure.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

20 June, 2014 06:39  
Anonymous Debbie said...

Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, West Africa, I know I will start banking there! [not]

I do like the photo, glad you found an excuse to use it.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

21 June, 2014 08:25  

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