How You Tell The FBI's Gone And Lowered Standards Again

It's really a pity what the current fauxtus has done with his hoax and change the past five years.

Now it's affecting the FBI.

At least, if this email purportedly from the 'FBI' is any indication.

Yes, got me another of those emails from the 'FBI'.

Granted, I suspect that this particular 'FBI' office what generated the email is located in a fly-infested internet café round about Lagos, Nigeria.

Or it could be the DNC, what with how 'educated' it sounds.  About on par with some of the State Department spokesninnies of late.

Take a look at the email that was addressed from....*drum roll*...On Sunday, June 1, 2014 8:40 AM, "FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION, (FBI)." <mrs.marybell2014@outlook.com> wrote:


ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY,

GOOD NEWS, WE HAVE A MEETING WITH INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND AND NIGERIA GOVERNMENT OVER YOUR LONG OVERDUE  INHERITANCE FUND PAYMENT AND WE INFORMED THEM THAT YOUR FUND SHOULD NOT COST YOU ANYTHING BECAUSE IS YOUR MONEY  WHICH WE FINALLY REACHED TO AGREEMENT LAST WEEK THAT ALL THE PAYMENT WILL BE PAID VIA ATM SMART CARD BEEN THE  SIMPLEST WAY TO TRANSFER HUGE AMOUNT OF MONEY TO AVOID COST OF TRANSFER AND OTHER STATUTORY DOCUMENT UNITED STATES  DOCUMENT LIKE (UNITED STATES PATRIOT ACT) WHICH WE STRETCHED TO HAVE A STRUNG AGREEMENT OVER THE PAYMENT THAT WILL  COST YOU ONLY US$245.00 ONLY FOR DELIVERY OF YOUR ATM SMART CARD VIA UPS OR FEDEX DELIVERING COMPANY.

HOWEVER, YOU HAVE ONLY TWO WORKING DAYS TO SEND THIS US$245.00 TO FEDEX OR UPS COURIER COMPANY FOR DELIVERING OF  YOUR CARD,IF WE DON’T HEAR FROM YOU WITH THE PAYMENT INFORMATION; THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION WILL NOT HESITATE BY GIVEN INSTRUCTION TO NIGERIA GOVERNMENT TO CANCEL YOUR PAYMENT THAT HAS BEEN PROGRAMMED IN ATM SMART  CARD.

I WANT YOU TO READ BELOW CAREFULLY, THE NOTICE BELOW STAND AS CAUTION BEFORE IT IS LATE. FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION, YOU  MUST BE CONSCIOUS OF THIS PROJECT, AS I WILL SOON CONCLUDE THIS TRANSACTION WITH YOU, LET THIS STAND AS A WARNING  BEFORE YOU IN CASE YOU RECEIVED ANY E-MAILS, OR CALLS REGARDING TO THIS FROM ANY INDIVIDUALS CLAIMED TO BE ME, OR E-MAILS, CALLS FROM ANY ORGANIZATION TO YOU, SUCH MUST BE FORWARDED TO US IMMEDIATELY, IT MIGHT COME TO YOU WITH  DIFFERENT PROPOSALS WITH DIFFERENT NAMES INCLUDING MY NAME ASKING YOU TO COME AND CLAIM YOUR ESTATE OR EVEN FUNDS  BELONGING TO YOU OR TO SOMEBODY YOU DO NOT KNOW, I URGE YOU TO IGNORE SUCH E-MAILS OR CALLS, WHILE YOU FORWARD IT TO US. I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR ME IS YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND CO-OPERATION, AGAIN  WITHOUT THIS CODE (911) DOESN’T GET BACK TO THIS OFFICE.

MOREOVER, FIRST BATCH OF YOUR CARD WHICH CONTAINS US$600, 000.00  HAS BEEN ACTIVATED AND IS THE TOTAL FUND  LOADED INSIDE THE CARD. YOUR FUND WHICH IS IN TOTAL US$3,600.000.00 MILLION WILL COME IN BATCHES OF GBP600,000.00 AND THIS IS THE FIRST BATCH.

YOUR ATM SMART CARD WOULD BE SENT TO YOU VIA UPS OR FEDEX; BECAUSE WE HAVE SIGNED A CONTRACT WITH THEM WHICH SHOULD  EXPIRED BY JUNE 30TH 2014. BELOW ARE FEW LIST OF TRACKING NUMBERS YOU CAN TRACK FROM UPS WEBSITE (WWW.UPS.COM) TO CONFIRM PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO HAVE RECEIVED THEIR PAYMENT SUCCESSFULLY.

MOREOVER, THIS IS ANOTHER PEOPLE THAT RECEIVED THERE PAYMENT THROUGH FEDEX WEBSITE (WWW.FEDEX.COM).


1). MS. PAULA WILKINS COE, #111 SE RAILROAD, ST., PIKEVILLE, NC 27863, USA. TRACKING NUMBER: 869713119185

2). MR. DAVID GLEM KEMP, #4370 N WILLOW RD., KINGMAN, ARIZONA, 86409, USA. TRACKING NUMBER: 871363130860

3). MR. MOHAMED ANWER HUSSAIN, AL FALAKI CENTER, 2ND FLOOR, MINA STREET, JEDDAH, SAUDI ARABIA. TRACKING NUMBER: 871000040860

4). MR. CLENNY ANTONIUS BRAAM, TERRESSTRAAT 38, 1056 RV AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS. TRACKING NUMBER: 871363116168


HOWEVER, WE HEREBY ADVISED YOU THAT BASED ON OUR RECOMMENDATION/INSTRUCTIONS; YOU’RE COMPLETE OVER-DUE FUNDS WILL BE RELEASED IMMEDIATELY UPON YOUR CONTACT TO THE NEWLY APPOINTED PAYMENT OFFICER THAT WILL HAND  OVER YOUR CARD TO COURIER COMPANY WITH THE PAYMENT FOR DELIVERY OF YOUR PACKAGED. YOU ARE THEREFORE ADVISED TO CONTACT MR. SMITH WILSON APPOINTED DIRECTOR ATM SMART CARD/FOREIGN OPERATION DEPT AND ASK HIM HOW CAN FORWARD THE PAYMENT INFORMATION TO FEDEX OR UPS COURIER COMPANY BELOW IS THE PAYMENT INFORMATION.


RECEIVER NAME:MR. PAUL MOGAN
ADDRESS: 4TH AVE.GLASS BUILDING FST.
CITY: LAGOS
COUNTRY: NIGERIA
ZIP CODE: 234
TEXT QUESTION::::: WHAT FOR
ANSWER:: :::: SERVICES


AFTER SENDING THE FEE, FORWARD THE BELOW DETAILS TO THEM:



MTCN:........................

SENDERS FULL NAME:...................

HOME/OFFICE ADDRESS:...................

CELL/MOBILE PHONE NUMBERS:...................

NEAREST AIR PORT:..........................

CONTACT PERSON: MR. SMITH WILSON AND EMAIL ADDRESS: (smithwilsonofficusa@europe.com) YOU'RE ADVISED TO CONTACT HIM IMMEDIATELY SO AS TO ENABLE HIM FACILITATE THE SPEEDY PROCESSING AND RELEASE OF YOUR DELIVERY SINCE IS THE ONLY US$245.00 THAT IS KEEPING YOUR ATM CARD IN NIGERIA. CONTACT HIM WITH THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION AS ABOVE:

NOTE: YOU'RE ADVISED TO FURNISH THE NEWLY APPOINTED PAYMASTER GENERAL OF THE FEDERATION WITH YOUR CORRECT AND VALID  DETAILS TO ENABLE HIM EXPEDITE SPEEDY ACTION ON THE PROCESSING OF YOUR PAYMENT. WE EXPECT YOUR SWIFT RESPONSE TO  THIS EMAIL TO ENABLE US MONITOR THIS PAYMENT DELIVERY EFFECTIVELY THEREBY MAKING CONTACT WITH THE INTERNATIONAL  MONETARY FUND AS DIRECTED TO AVOID FURTHER DELAY.

YOU’RE ALSO EXPECTED TO FOLLOW HIS ADVICE AND DIRECTIVES TO AVOID DELAY IN RELEASING YOUR PAYMENT BECAUSE YOUR  PAYMENT FILE HAS ALREADY BEEN MOVED TO HIS OFFICE FOR PROCESSING AND VERIFICATION.

CONGRATULATIONS.
IN GOD WE TRUST.
YOURS IN SERVICE,
FBI DIRECTOR
JAMES B. COMEY 


I like how they start out in the email saying it should cost me nothing, then telling me I have to send $245 USD to get it.   Obviously the same proofreader works for this 'FBI' branch as does for The State Department talking points branch.

Now, I'm not one who'd make a point of arguing with the REAL FBI.  But this particular branch seems ripe for questions:

I know that you're the FBI and all, but your first two paragraphs are contradictory:  in the first you say, and I quote, "AND WE INFORMED THEM THAT YOUR FUND SHOULD NOT COST YOU ANYTHING BECAUSE IS YOUR MONEY".   Then in the next paragraph you say this "  HOWEVER, YOU HAVE ONLY TWO WORKING DAYS TO SEND THIS US$245.00 TO FEDEX OR UPS COURIER COMPANY FOR DELIVERING OF  YOUR CARD".

With all due respect to your FBIships -- and to make use of a universally-recognized internet texting acronym -- WTF?  Is it my money or not?  

 

 

As with other experiences I've had with these abundant and alternate 'FBI' branches in West Africa, my response might just put a kibosh to the matter.  But there was always a chance it wouldn't...and this time, they had a reply.  I suspect the reply was aided by my edit of their email which they apparently read BEFORE they read the above.  My bad.  Anyway it's well worth posting; even my pet rock needed oxygen after reading it:

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION, (FBI).

J. Edgar. Hoover Building, 935 pennsylvania Ave.,

NW Washington D.C 20535-0001,

United States of America

 

 

ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY

 

THANKS TO ACKNOWLEDGING OUR ORGANIZATION FBI, YES WE DO CONFIRM TO YOU IN 1 OF OUR  PARAGRAPHS THAT YOU WILL NOT SEND MONEY TO RECEIVE YOUR MONEY. BUT IN THE SITUATION LIKE THIS BY RECEIVING YOUR FUND THROUGH ATM CARD YOU DON'T EXPECT US FBI TO PAY FOR SHIPMENT/COURIER CHARGES TO FEDEX, IT IS YOUR DUTY TO PAY FOR SHIPMENT FEE AND NOT US.

 

PLEASE STOP CALLING US NAMES LIKE SCAMMED FBI, WE CAN'T ENTERTAIN THIS INSULT FROM YOU AGAIN, SUCH LITTLE AMOUNT OF MONEY CANNOT BE RECEIVE WITH BANK ACCOUNT RATHER IT THE DUTY OF THE RECEIVER OFFICER MR.PAUL MOGAN TO RECEIVE THE FEE AND DO THE NEEDFUL OK WE ADVISE YOU TO QUICKLY MOVE TO NEARBY WESTERN UNION AND MAKE A TRANSFER OF SERVE FEE OF US$245.00 TO ENABLE US DISPATCH YOUR ATM CARD.

 

RECEIVER NAME:MR. PAUL MOGAN
ADDRESS: 4TH AVE.GLASS BUILDING FST.
CITY: LAGOS
COUNTRY: NIGERIA
ZIP CODE: 234
TEXT QUESTION::::: WHAT FOR
ANSWER:: :::: SERVICES
MTCN:.....

 

 

For those of you what know me, with their reply in hand, you simply KNEW I hadda reply to this:

 

 

Your FBIships,

Your reply makes about as much sense as using camel crap for underarm protection.  Either it's my money free and clear, or it isn't.  From the tone of your font, I reckon it ain't.  That said, you can't entertain that insult from me again?  REALLY?  When did the Nigerian FBI go all candyass and uber sensitive?  Well, what if I entertain you by calling you a Nigerian eunuch of dubious antecedence who farts his national anthem in E flat?  I think that sounds entertaining.  I think you should entertain it as well.  Might get you a spot on American Idull or something.  You can boost your chances there by shoving a vuvuzela up your ass sideways too.  They're always looking for mugus to vote off. 


What with the silence that response received, I reckon that -- plus the edit I didn't post here -- convinced them that I wasn't buying their brand of entertaining.

First smart conclusion I reckon they came to.