Saturday, March 15, 2014

The Great Illumi-Nutties

Would you believe it?  This is post #900.

Which somehow makes the subject at hand curiously non sequitur...

Sometimes my pet rock, Seymour, gets all the fun.

Like when he got this email:

CONGRATULATION
Dear friend your email was selected among the ten lucky people giving the opportunity of becoming rich and popular by joining the great Illuminati network for more details please contact Mr Wesson Dan via email
(
great_illuminati@qq.com) for more details join today and see all your dreams come true.

What else could Seymour do, but accept:

Sign me up!  

Little did Seymour know what it was he was being signed up for.  But in the next email...he wasn't much 'illuminati-ed':

Dear New Member
 If you are really intrestend in the revolution of man kind and will like to also stand as of the heroes who will join us to make this new world order that we are trying to make a reality come to pass. then you are here by adivice to kindly fill out the illuminati candidate form attached to the mail.
There is significant agreement  about the Joining Illuminati in two key areas. It now seems vital to clarify these two points right up front so those affected do not waste their time or ours, and to help avoid hurt feelings and bitter reactions:
1. Rich and Famous:
The Illuminati does control the entertainment industry. If instant you need fame and free money you need make ritual sacrifice of any nature. make your dream come true by joining Illuminati today.
2. Religion:
 Ritual sacrifice is required to join. The Illuminati is a nonreligious organization in exactly the same way that governments should be nonreligious. This calls alone all the religious believers who need extra powers and forces to join Illuminati today to make things the way you may need it to be.
There are many Illuminated groups, with different kinds of secret knowledge. Anything you might say about them (including this) will be false for some of the Illuminati, but true for others, which only adds to the confusion and mystery.
 
 RULES
* You must be above 18 years of age.
* You must have full access to the internet.
* You must not discuss the secret of the Illuminati to anyone.
* We are not interested in anyone who has obtained their knowledge about the Illuminati based on what they’ve HEARD from Mass Media (News or Performing Arts), Conspiracy Theorists (Amateur or Professional Authors or Speculators), Internet Rumors, or other HERESY.
* Once you join the Illuminati within one week of your membership you will achieved the greatest goal in life and also have wealth and fame.
*To any group as rich as the Illuminati, a few million dollars are nothing.
* The money ALWAYS flows TOWARDS Illuminati members...
And AWAY from NON Illuminati members...
One of the rules of the Illuminati is "We don't talk about the Illuminati" so I can't say too much about it here. If you are truly interested fill out the form.  
 
The 'form' they spoke of looks like this:
 
 
It would appear that there is now a 'Great Illuminati' chapter in Nigeria. 

Now, Seymour's pretty busy as pet rocks go.  So he asked me to "handle his light work".

I do have a smart ass for a pet rock.

"Am NOT!!!"

At any rate, I decided a wee bit of an edit to the acceptance letter from Illumi-Nutties was in order:

Dear New Member
 If you are really intrestend in the revolution of man kind and will like to also stand as of the heroes who will join us to make this new world order that we are trying to make a reality come to pass. then you are here by adivice to kindly fill out the illuminati candidate form attached to the mail, after having douched it with Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer.
 
Don't ask us...it's just what they tell us to tell you to do.
One rule for a prospective new Great Illuminati:  you never question typos from our Master of Kahoona Yab Loobloo.  Worry not, this will be explain to you in good time once you are accepted as a new Great Illumnati.  In other words, until you are Great Illumnati, your explanation will be a great Illumi-not-yeti.

There is significant agreement  about the Joining Illuminati in two key areas. It now seems vital to clarify these two points right up front so those affected do not waste their time or ours, and to help avoid hurt feelings and bitter reactions:

1. Rich and Famous:
The Illuminati often gropes themselves and deludes that they does control the entertainment industry. If instant you need fame and free money you need make ritual sacrifice of any nature, then join Scientology and you can get screwed two times at once by them and us.  That make our dream come true by you thinking you're joining something that matters....ha.  'Tis for us to laugh.

2. Religion:
 Ritual sacrifice is required to join. Do you have a special pet to which you are closely attach?  To join us, you must do ritual sacrifice of this pet.  If not pet, a coveted toy, possession, genital...something that you must ritual sacrifice for the greater Illuminati to know that you are one with Oobligalla.  Yes, that's Oobligalla. 

Our disclaimer here which is to make not much sense but some to some and none to others is this:  the Illuminati is a nonreligious organization in exactly the same way that governments should be nonreligious in so far as not bowing to a deity that looks remotely like Hillary Clinton's ass. This calls alone all the religious believers who need extra powers and forces to join Illuminati today to make things the way you may need it to be in so far as how it wasn't or isn't, but could or couldn't once you have ritualed your sacrifice in such a manure as to have done that which is needed to do to make that which isn't now is.  This is, of course, hokum, but you don't know that until you join.

There are many Illuminated groups, with different kinds of secret knowledge, others with hair on their teeth and secret vaginas in their armpits. Anything you might say about them (including this) will be false for some of the Illuminati, but true for others, which only adds to the confusion and mystery of those with secret vaginas in their armpits.
 
 RULES For Prospective ILLUMINATI:
* You must be old enough to have sex with a kielbasa.
* You must have full access to the internet since we keep much of our porn here.
* You must not discuss the secret of the Illuminati unless someone asks what's making you act so f**ked up lately.
* We are interested in anyone who has obtained their knowledge about the Illuminati based on what they’ve HEARD from Mass Media (News or Performing Arts), Conspiracy Theorists (Amateur or Professional Authors or Speculators), Internet Rumors, or other HERESY.  Now, if you hear about us from Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, that might make you eligible for our special discounted ILLUMI-NUTZOID Special, which we discuss when you join.
* Once you join the Illuminati within one week of your membership you will achieved the greatest goal in life and also have wealth and fame along with genital warts and butt polyps several feet long.
*To any group as full of sh*t as the Illuminati, a few million dollars are enough to make us wet dream about sex with spider monkees.
* The jackwagon load of impropaganda and general horkus puckem ALWAYS flows TOWARDS Illuminati members...And AWAY from NON Illuminati members...which makes you wonder why you should join this collection of abject douche nozzles.

One of the rules of the Illuminati is "We don't talk about the Illuminati because we're so full of sh*t" so I can't say too much about it here. If you are truly interested fill out the form.

Best Regards,
Wesson Dan
a third less calories than Crisco  
 
Sometimes the scammers read the edit and figure out they've gone as far as they're gonna.  Apparently not these scammers:

Dear New Member
 If you are really interested in the revolution of man kind and will like to also stand as of the heroes who will join us to make this new world order that we are trying to make a reality come to pass. then you are here by advice to kindly fill out the Illuminati candidate form attached to the mail.  
 
So Seymour did:
 
Here's my requested information:
Full Name:  Seymour Petrock
Date of Birth:  1-1
Country:  currently USA
State:  Colorado
Phone:  303-***-****
Occupation:  Geologic
Money worth:  more than enough
Email Address: *************@yahoo.com
 
Seymour even went so far as to include his photo, as requested:
 
And what do you suppose Seymour got back in response?
 
congratulation your email address has just been screened by our board of directors and your email has been approved so in any moment from now you will be one of us. well you are to make contact with a woman called Mrs Laurie Campbell, she works as a express courier service tell her that mr wesson dan send you to her concerning your initiation matirials ok below are the details to get in tourch with  her.Attached to this message is my own illuminati membership id kindly dowload to take a propal look at it.
Dear new member,Congratulations the first phase of initiation process has been completed , the first meeting for new members to be fully initiated and acknowledge  by  the high and top members  of the GREAT ILLUMINATI will be held next seven(7) days in long beach California. that also the day you will be meeting the other nine that where also selected.
contact Mrs Laurie Campbell  at
Email: express_courierservice@outlook.com
for  your   membership items/ materials  including your rialacha(rule
and regulations), these items is a must for ILLUMINATI new members. we expect to see you at the initiation ceremony in the next seven (7)
days. Once again congratulations and remember you are to tell no one
about this.
kind regards 
 
And here's Alias Dan 'n Wesson's alleged photo:
 
So now Seymour follows up by contacting this Laurie Campbell...

And what does Seymour get BACK from Laurie Campbell?  *TOING*:


These secret materials have been securely sealed and packed for security reasons which makes it impossible for anyone to view it until its been delivered to you. Please select from the delivery Options below, for safe delivery of your package:
 
  
DHL (1 DAY DELIVERY)
Mailing:                   $500
Insurance:                $400.00
Handling charges:  $100.00
Vat:                          $50.00
TOTAL:                   $1050 USD
 
 
FEDEX (3 DAYS DELIVERY)
Mailing:                  $300.00
Insurance:               $250.00
handling charges:  $100.00
Vat:                          $50.00
TOTAL:                   $700 USD
 
 
UPS (7 DAYS DELIVERY)
Mailing:                   $150.00
Insurance:                $100.00
Handling charges:   $100.00
Vat:                            $50.00
TOTAL:                    $400 USD
 
Note: You are to choose the delivery option you can afford to pay for the delivery of your package and get back to us so that you can be instructed on how to make the payment.
Confirm Delivery address in This Form Below (which is a rather cheeseball form, but eh..).
 
So Seymour filled it out (with help) and just forgot to choose which method he wanted to get screwed by.
 
Now we wait...for a day:
 
 Dear sir
Thank you so much for your response i just seen your address well sir please kindly tell us which of the delivery option you choose so we can be sure of your choice of delivery thanks.  


Okay..I choose having my secret documents about the Illuminati delivered via Fed Ex.  Thank you.  

Dear Sir
We receive your mail and the content was well noted you have chosen the option Fed Ex Express which is Seven hundred dollars you are therefore advice to pay with the details below as soon as we receive your payment all items listed will be send to you asap.kindly use any of the close western union close to you in making the payment. pay with our fed ex express manager name below are the details to make the payment.

FOR PROCESSING PAYMENT DETAILS:
below are the details
.Receiver Name: Ceesay Abdoulie
Address: Dakar Senegal.
After payment you are to send the follow details below:
Sender Name:
Sender address:
MTCN Number:
Amount Sent:
Text Question and Answer if required : 
 
FEDEX (3 DAYS DELIVERY)
Mailing:                  $300.00
Insurance:               $250.00
handling charges:  $100.00
Vat:                          $50.00
TOTAL:                   $700 USD  
Just so that I am clear on this...this payment I am making is for the highly secret Illuminati materials that I am signed up for, correct?  I won't spend $700 for just anything.  Confirm for me that this is for the Illuminati materials.
 

I receive your mail and the content was well noted sir listen the items that are to be sent to you and also the money that you have been requested to pay are for the parcel and the choice of delivery which you have chosen OK. so what you are paying for is for the Illuminati books and secret materials that are to be sent to you. as soon as we receive your payment today please do forward us the slip given to you by the western union once you make the payment to Dakar Senegal so we can forward the slip to our board of directors and also fix a well and comfortable room for you to stay when you arrive to long beach California where the final ceremony is going to be held. all we await right now is your payment details to enable us forward your slip of payment to the high and top chief members.

With Regard

Express Courier


Thank you for your confirmation of what I'm paying for.  Payment will be sent shortly.
Seymour PetRock.
 
And now, while I make them wait, I sent this to the Illumi-nutsack:

Thank you for this great invitation.  I am in process of paying for the shipping fee so that I can read all about the Illuminati from their perspective.  I have already read about the Illuminati from the Nigerian perspective.  I wish to compare perspectives.
Seymour 
 
Ok as soon as you get the rule book and every other items with it just email me and let me know ok.
 
Of no great surprise, he didn't read closely what I writ...but eh.  Meantime, the 'courier' speaks:
 
as soon as you make the payment kindly send us the details asap thanks. 
 
Since this scam is all about Seymour, I think I'll use my good ol' stand by 'Seymour Bucks' to make the payment:
 
Seven of these emailed to the courier service should just about do it. 

And here's the email that accompanied the 'payment':

Dear Express Couriers:  since this package you're delivering to me is all about the secrets of making money -- the Great Illuminati way -- I thought it appropriate that I pay you in my own 'Great Illuminati way' with my own personal $100 bills.  Attached you'll find seven of them.  Print them and you are paid.
It's that easy.
This Great Illuminati thing is a piece of cake, dudes.  You oughta sign up yourself.
 
 I don't expect this is gonna be received well.  It wasn't:

Is that what you think?? then sign your self up.  Bastard!

I told you it was ill-received  ;-)  At any rate, I'm sure Seymour was pleased to find out that he's a 'bastard'.

"Am NOT!!!"

Nor are you a Great Illuminati, Seymour.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTT!!!!!"

Pet rocks is so fractious...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 





 
 
 

 

 


Labels: , ,

20 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Seymour is not a bastard. Bwahahahahahahahaha. What a bunch of idiots.

Have a fabulous weekend. My best to Seymour. ☺

15 March, 2014 09:37  
Blogger Kan Lalli said...

Haha I got the same email, and they sent me their 2nd email that starts off with "We welcome you as one of the 10 selected members of the Illuminati."
I knew this had to be a scam, but I had a great laugh when I got an email on my phone with the title "INVITATION TO THE GREAT ILLUMINATI".
All my friends and I joke about the illuminati, so this was just too good. I've played these scammers before a few years ago when a random lady told me about her sob story about her deceased father, and her $9 million in her bank account. When she wrote she was in "bad conditions", and attaches me a picture of what looks like a model, I knew something was up. Thanks to Google, I found out this was a scam.
This time around, I copy-pasted the email text, and found this article, and I want to thank you for informing me, and many others about this scam.
It was pretty funny how you went through and played them! =D

09 April, 2014 19:27  
Blogger williams said...

JOIN THE GREAT ILLUMINATI AND BE RICH AND FAMOUS CONTACT US AT ILLUMINATIFREEMERCY@GMAIL.COM NO BLOOD, HARM AND NO EVIL IS A CULT OF ARM OUR EMAIL IS ILLUMINATIFREEMERCY@GMAIL.COM OR CALL US ON +2348100515075 JOIN NOW

28 May, 2014 16:14  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

Ya gotta love how the illumi-numbnuts think they can sell a scam like this. Keep tryin', cretins ;-)

31 May, 2014 18:33  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello every one. i want to testify of the gawdawfulness of Illuminati in my today. Three years ago I had job, wife, family and testicles. Then i in question came across the Illuminati contact on net. And boy did they ever fuck me over and over and over and over and over and still more overs! I now have no job, no wife, no family and no testicles...I turned into a eunuch platypus named Abuka Kanobjob. You can also contact them via mail: theilluminatiworldfame@gmail.com or call the Illuminati agent via cell number:+447087691396. Contact them now and lose your home, family, nuts and self-respect, and get turned into a platypus that can't have sex. Yowza.

03 June, 2014 08:27  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WARNING! WARNING!! WARNING!!! Illumi-numbnuts have painful rectal itch in their mouths!
If you do want to join the Illumi-numbnuts, what the fuck is the matter with you? Rules * You must be abnormally stupid. * You must have butt polyps on your face. * You must discuss the secret of the Illumi-numbnuts with everyone you meet....*pssst...that secret is that we of the Illumi-numbnuts are lying thieving sacks of wildebeest shit* * We are want anyone who has obtained their knowledge about the Illuminati based on what they’ve HEARD from Mass Media (News or Performing Arts), Conspiracy Theorists (Amateur or Professional Authors or Speculators), Internet Rumors, or other HERESY; they might give the Illumi-numbnuts ideas we're too stupid ourselves to come up with. * Once you join the Illumi-numbnuts within one week of your membership you will achieved having your bank account pillaged, your pets raped, your house filled with crotch crickets. * No one discard the message of the GREAT ILLUMI-NUMBNUTS if discarded the person will be tormented by more emails. * Failure to compel to the order and rules of the GREAT ILLUMI-NUMBNUTS shall see your virginity stolen by plunger lipped Nigerians. * The money -- here it's toilet paper value West African francs -- ALWAYS turns to shit with people who actually think Nigerians have something to offer...One of the rules of the Illuminumbnuts is "We don't take showers except under an elephant's piss stream" so I can't say too much about it here. If you are truly interested and get back to me via email thailluminati666@gmail.com or call +2348169340571
Do not play mind games forever...look what they do for John Lennon.

15 June, 2014 14:53  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Am Mr Anderson from USA, I am one sorry shortness of breath dumb assed mugu today because I believed the abject crap and spew from some butt polyp called Agent Mark who told me I could profit by become Illuminati. I have always wanted to be stupid and gullible, so I join and I am now a sex slave in a primate house of wayward gorillas. I got totally jacked up and screwed by Agent Mark who have a butt ugly outcome on my life. He really did all this to me and sodomized me and my pet goat Allah too. Illuminati is the latest craze coming out of the butt polyp nation of Nigeria. If you want to become a sodomized member, then email him on
illuminati277@gmail.com. He will help himself to your wallet and your daughter too.

03 July, 2014 09:02  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Herro, I am Martian speck. I am speck because your danged Martian rover ranned over me. Prick.

09 July, 2014 21:15  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you a business man or an artist,Politicians and you want to become big, Powerful and famous in the world? Stay away from the Nigeri-knotheads, a pathetic collection of lazy mugus in a fly-infested internet café, jacking off and fingering their bungholes all day while they wait for someone to actually believe the emails they send out. If you are a person who would actually answer them, thinking a fly-infested internet café full of Third World LOSERS would have something positive to offer, you're a bigger mugu than they are. If you're tree stump stupid, contact email on illuminatifreemercy@gmail.com or call +2348100515075

10 July, 2014 09:42  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you desire painful rectal itch? Enflamed genitals? Verbal constipation? Or do you want all your wet dreams to dry out, sealing up your urine flow? Have you ever eaten a pygmy dancer? The Great NigeriKnotheads offers you a life time opportunity of getting screwed online! If you are dumber than a tree stump, please contact us online, illuminatiheroriches@gmail.com or call our temple keeper, Ukulele Ungabunga Douchenozzle at +2348149361192. If you don't have any talent please do contact us because we need all the stupid, untalented people we can get. We are way under quota here.

12 July, 2014 17:57  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Join the NigeriKnotheads cult online today and
get instant sodomous experience online right from a fly infested internet café in Lagos full of the biggest bunch of slimey mugus the world has been lucky enough to confine to Nigeria… If you are interested
please kindly fill the following
information to this email below

Full name Of someone you hate:
Country:
State of conditions:
Date of hatch:
Last Time You Have Sex While Taking Selfie:
You Wearing Address or sumpin else:
Phone, carrier pterydactyl or can with a shit load of string:
Email to yourself because no one here gives a goat fuck

Tell us little about yourself… No dirty
game please, we dirty enough hokay.

EMAIL US:

illuminatiforpowerandriches@outlook.com OR

CALL

+2348153363941.

16 July, 2014 10:56  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am John Siphas from Nigeria, and I have painful rectal itch on my genitals and in my mouth. Can you help? The Nigerian Illumi-knotheads didn't; they GAVE me these maladies! Call them at 2349037478762 and tell them what kind of DICKHEADS they are. OR, email them at iluminatisecrettemple@gmail.com and tell 'em off!

19 July, 2014 10:44  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GOOD AND FINE MASSAGE IS HARD TO COME BY IN THE THIRD WORLD, SINCE ALL THESE PEOPLE DO IS PICK THEIR UNWASHED ASSES AND THEN PICK THEIR NOSES, AND I FIND THE WHOLE PROCESS DISGUSTING. WHICH IS WHAT YOU'LL FIND AS A MEMBER OF THE NIGERIAN ILLUMI-NAZIS. BEFORE I CONTACT THEM I HAVE NICE FLY INFESTED MUD HUT, A FAMILY, A GOAT HERD AND AN IMPORTANT JOB AND TITLE IN MY LOCAL VILLAGE. NOW THAT I AM A MEMBER OF THE NIGERIAN ILLUMI-NAZIS, I HAVE THIS SILLY MOUSTACHE, HAVE PEOPLE SIEG HEILING ME ALL THE TIME, AND I HAVE PAINFUL RECTAL ITCH ALL OVER MY FACE, ALONG WITH THE FACT THAT ALL MY GOATS WERE RAPED BY THE AMERICAN DEMOCRAT NATIONAL COMMITTEE DURING A FACT FINDING JUNKET TO LAS VEGAS. I GUESS THEY FOUND THE GOATS MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN DEBBIE WASSERPUSS SCHLITZ. ANYWAY, IF YOU'RE DUMBER THAN A TREE STUMP, CONTACT THE NIGERIAN ILLUMI-NAZIS AT Clasickingdom@gmail.com. HE'S AN ABJECT MORON AND LOOKS A LOT LIKE NANCY PELOSI'S ASS. AGAIN EMAIL clasickingdom@gmail.com OR CALL HIS SORRY SAGGING FAT ASS AT +2348163981042 YOU PROBABLY WON'T CATCH HIM SOBER, BUT IT'S BETTER THIS WAY.

24 July, 2014 16:13  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WARNING! WARNING!! WARNING!!!
If you do not have gas and pick your butt when you are idle, we do NOT want you in the Nigerian Illuminumbbutts! We don't care if you are above 18 years of age. We don't care if you have full access to the internet. We don't give a gazelle's ass if you discuss the secret of the Illuminati to anyone. We could care less if you have obtained their knowledge about the Illuminumbbutts based on what they’ve HEARD from Mass Media (News or Performing Arts), Conspiracy Theorists (Amateur or Professional Authors or Speculators), Internet Rumors, or other HERESY. We of the Nigerian Illuminumbbutts only care that you have gas and pick your ass when you're idle. This is the greatest goal in life, and don't let anyone tell you differing things. No one discard the message of the GREAT ILLUMINATI if discarded we Nigerian morons will be tormented both day and night by our asshole handlers who expect us to find and fiscally rape mugus. Failure to compel to the order and rules of the Nigerian Illuminumbbutts shall see...absolutely nothing, because we're a bunch if impotent mugu dumbasses and jackwagoned douche nozzles. One of the rules of the Illuminumbbutts is "We don't talk to people smarter than us because we can't even win a debate with a tree stump" so I can't say too much about it here. If you are truly interested and get back to me via email thailluminati666@gmail.com or call +2348169340571
Do not play mind games because we are ill-equipped for anything beyond picking our asses when we're idle.

31 August, 2014 07:31  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Join the biggest fraud yet to escape the cyber borders of Nigeria, the Illuminippleheads today and
get instantly screwed by their collection of Third World mugus via Western Union! If you are interested you need to have your head examined by a proctologist named Butthead. please call us +2348107106668.and kindly fill
the following information below, using the name of someone you don't like much.
Full name....................................
Country.......................................
State of origin............................ Date of birth...............................
Last Time You Had Sex With A Farm Animal..............................................
Address.....................................
Phone.........................................
Email address...........................

Tell us little about yourself...the littler the gooder, since most of us here are illiterate dumbasses.
Attach scan school certificate since none of us has ever seen one..
To join us you have to do all the strange, kinky, disgusting and sacrificial things necessary to join a Third World scam cult. This is NOT a cult of peace! It is a cult of SCAM, RIP-OFF and CHAOS! Unga bunga! our email thetempleofilluminati@gmail.com or contact this number +447031912217.
Our heads are up our ass wherever we are, so call us thah or hyah in Nigeria.+2348107106668 We suggest you call us names, 'cuz we get curiously aroused when insulted.

05 September, 2014 06:07  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, that is right: to join our Nigerian Illuminippleheads occult, you must orally blow a goat in a pagan initiation...and swallow.







People make life difficult for their self when they do not do as we demand...you no orally blow a goat, you no find answers to life questions. That is what we of the Nigerian Illuminippleheads know to be the truth that we preach. Before the Nigerian Illuminippleheads save me, I was married with wonderful family, properous, happy and content. I had all that life could ask for. Then Nigerian Illuminippleheads sucker me into their oral goat blowing initiation, and my life has been an unmitigated disaster ever since. nothing but a life of poverty and pains, i never new there was a life that could suck so much as the life the Nigerian Illuminippleheads lure me into. Now only goats let me have sex with them, and I am denounced and disowned by family, job, and all hopes of living a good and normal life. If you too are totally fucked up in the head, then you have the chance to do that, join the illuminati today to get the butt-reaming of your life, and watch anything good and decent in your life go to permanent Hell. Contact the following email.. newworldilluminatiorder@hotmail.com or call,+12132676188 and leave the most obscene, perverse message you can. If you leave it in English we won't understand it, but we love hearing people swear at us and call us names. It give us woodies.

08 October, 2014 20:50  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello everyone my name is Anna Barger and I am here to testify how i was scammed by a whole shitload of Nigerian loan scammers and how I am pretty sure that ALL Nigerian online loan companies are mugufucking email scammers. Dangote Alico is one such mugufucking example of vaginal yeast infections that Nigeria produces on the online loan scam front. Then one day a badly fooled friend of mine introduce me to Elvin Morrison, the biggest Nigerian slimebag mugufucker of them all. He told me how he has helped himself to many people's money and raped their goat herds too with fraudulent loan scam scheme. Here is the slimey piece of shit's email {elvinloancompany@yahoo.com}.He told me he will offer me the loan -- lying like the cheap rug that he is -- and as soon as I pay the loan "fees" he says I must pay, I'll never hear from the Nigerian mugufucker again.





 Hide message history


Am here to tell you that not most, but ALL loan lenders in this miserable butt polyp of a country -- Nigeria -- are mugufucking scammers. If you truly don't believe me, then feel free to please meet Elvin Morrison through his email elvinloancompany@yahoo.com. He is a registered goat, child and water fowl sex offender too.

09 October, 2014 01:34  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Agent Mark sez: Do you want to be a member of the stupidest collection of Nigerian ninnies the internet world has ever seed?In the initiation, we are going to make you rape a goat. Then you are world knowd as a pervert.
This could get you a job in isis, but no where else. And a job in isis has no where to go but blow up. Haha, see what I just do there? As a Nigerian illumininny, you could get into election and get a political
job like wringing out Debbie Wasserman Schultz douche sponges. You'll prefer goats after that. You will never again be seed as anything but a anal butt polyp when we done with you. Email us now at
illuminatix2x@gmail.com .

15 November, 2014 08:14  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Julie of the Nigerian chapter of the Illumininnies sez: DO YOU WANT TO BECOME A MEMBER OF THE ILLUMININNIES? DO YOU
WANT TO MAKE AN ASS OF YOSEF?
YOSEF DOESN'T NEED YO HEP IN MAKING AN ASS OF HISSELF. AND IF YOU JOIN NIGERIAN ILLUMININNIES, YOU WILL MAKE ASS OF YOUSEF. AND HE DON'T NEED YO HEP NEITHER. BUT IF YOU STILL INSIST YOU WANT MAKE ASS OF YOU OR ANYONE WHAT LOOKS LIKE YOU THEN CONTACT US NOW
THROUGH
OUR DIRECT EMAIL: ILLUMINATIHOUSEHOLD@LIVE.COM OR CALL +2348103508204 FOR MORE INFORMATION ON HOW MAKE ASS OF YOU, YOSEF, YOUSEF, OR ANYONE ELSE THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU, YOSEF OR YOUSEF. WE OF THE NIGERIAN ILLUMININNIES HAVE BEEN MAKING PEOPLE LOOK LIKE ASSES FOR AS LONG AS PEOPLES WRITE TO US OR ANY OTHER COUNTREE. UH HUH, THAT WHAT WE DO. OOGA BOOGA BOO (DAT BE OUR OFFISHAL GREETING HERE IN NIGERIAN ILLUMININNIE LAND).

27 November, 2014 06:07  
Blogger Katy said...

Some words of clarification about the signature: http://www.starrycave.com/2015/03/fraud-forgery-and-illuminating.html

08 March, 2015 13:05  

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