Thursday, March 6, 2014

Where Resumes 'n Other Things Go To Be Made Fun Of

I reckon that Calvin & Hobbs agree.

Of late, I'm getting a rash of 'My Resume' and 'Payment' emails.  All of which have a link I'm supposed to click on.


Instead, I keep answering the emails.  All of them respond back to this address:

So far, the sender isn't commenting on my assorted replies.  For the resume ones, it says "I sent you my resume in the link (some google link that I'm supposed to be stupid enough to click on)".  Among my replies so far for example:

Yes, I know.  But I don't need a toilet snake trainer that signs in Azerbajani.  Try Aeroflot.

After a careful perusal of your resume, we find that you have all the requisite skills necessary to wield a toilet brush.  Not effectively, but it's a start.
That's nice.  Where's the required photo?  You know the one.  At least, if you read the job requirements, you should know the one. 
Y'know...if you'd sent this to us as little as one week would have made no difference.  *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER* 

Sorry, we already have a constipated mathematician on staff that worked it out with a pencil.  We're still waiting on HAZMAT for that equation.  If you'd like to apply for something else, we'd be happy to have nothing available for you.
Then there are the 'payment' ones with a gibberish link I'm supposed to click on. 
Some of THOSE replies go like this:
Payment is being shipped in the form of 100,000 used carrot tops.  What they were used for is unspeakable, but that's not the point.
Payment will be shipped as soon as you send your exact GPS location to me.  A pneumatic cartridge containing payment will be launched to that location.  Secure small pets and breakables in case of windage error.
Being an empath, I have sent you the payment telekinetically.  Are you receiving me? 
You certainly like bunnies.  Do you fart them as well? 
I have dust they'd love to mate with you.
A dysenteric homing pelican is on its way with your payment.  Don't look up. 
I don't think I'm doing this the way meant for it to work...


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Blogger Sandee said...

I'm certain you aren't doing this as they intended. You never do and that's what makes these posts so fun.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. :)

06 March, 2014 09:52  

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