Friday, February 7, 2014

It's Mandela's Turn

A scammer and his rented famdamily.

Anyone who follows the news knows that South African prez Nelson Mandela died in early December, 2013.  And it only took a little more than a month for me to receive my first scam email from someone claiming to represent the Mandela famdamily.

They must be slacking off.

Here's the opening gambit of the email I got:


My names are Mr. Sanin Raqza Raymond .  LL.B, Attorney-at-Law and Legal Adviser. Am a close Legal Consultant to the Family of late Nelson Mandela South Africa President . Am a senior Attorney in Tumi Law Firm based in South Africa.  I know this Email_ (Attonyandy114@hotmail.com) will come to you as a surprise as we have never met before, but you need not to worry as I am using the only secured and confidential medium available to seek for your foreign assistance in a business.
As you are aware,that South Africa , President Nelson Mandela.died December 5, 2013 .
There is this bank in the Carribean I assisted the Nelson Mandela family to Deposit fund with and I have the documents presently with me.  I need your assistance to transfer this funds for subsequent investments in your country as everybody is fleeing the country for safety and I am presently in the  South Africa. 
 
 
Convincing, eh?  Well...maybe to a low informationer.
 
But I took care of that with a wee bit of edit:
 
 
Dear Friend,
My names are Mr. Sanin Raqza Raymond.  I have more, but I can't remember them just now.  Senility sucks.
Anyway, I am a janitor at an LLBean store in Johannesburg, South Africa.  However, taking a computer correspondence course from the Lagos Nigeria University of Schmuckery, I am getting a degree to be an Attorney-at-Law and Legal Adviser, as soon as I raise the $19.95 for the certificate.

With this forgotten, I am here to claim to be a close Legal Consultant to the Family of late Nelson Mandela South Africa President. I'm only the 4998th person to make this claim via email since the old communist died, but eh...mine is by far the best written of all of them.  I oughta know, because I know the dumb ass who's crafting the other emails.  He sodomizes termite-infested tree stumps in Burundi.

So...being the only senior Attorney in Tumi Law Firm based in South Africa that you'll ever need, here is my email address for your anticipated reply:  Attonyandy114@hotmail.com.  Get back to me soonest, because I don't know how long I can keep this rented computer and the water buffalo hooked to a generator that powers it.  I think I have to return it by next Friday.

As you are aware -- unless you're a low information democrat watching pmsnbc and getting no news whatsoever -- South Africa President Nelson Mandela died December 5, 2013, despite the best efforts of the same doctor that tried to keep Spanish dictator Generalissimo Francisco Franco alive back in 1975 (he finally gave up in 1999 and was unemployed until Mandela was in pre-corpse mode).

There is this bank in the Carribean I assisted the Nelson Mandela family to Deposit funds pillaged from the country's foreign aid received from Europe and America, and I have the documents transcribed by a fully-trained baboon with illegible short hand, presently with me.  I need your assistance to believe that you're helping me transfer this funds for subsequent investments in your country as everybody is fleeing the country for safety and I am presently in the  South Africa, now and again typing in broken English because my Google Translate has vowel cramps.

All am asking from you is to give me your blind assurance that you can handle this transaction without too closely examining the whole deal until I have what I want and you are short what I wanted.  This message should be reserved for your self only for security reason as if one smart person you happen to know reads this, they'll f**k up my plans and schemes, and then I will wet myself continuously in frustration, because when I'm frustrated, my spchinter loses all control, dammit.

In my company E_MAIL  Attonyandy114@hotmail.com, you will see my contact details right there on my profile.  It took me and two trained orangutans two hours to make that sh** up. 
yours faithfully,
Mr. Sanin Raqza Raymond (I can't remember the rest of my names). 
 
 
 
Now, bearing in mind I sent this to him -- and assuming that he'd read what I dun to his email, Ma -- you'd think that, at best, I'd get back a snarky comment.  *BUZZZZZZZZZZER*  See next post for How Dumb Is My Scammer?  Let Me Count The Ways....

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Most of them are pretty thick aren't they. Whatever works is what they'll do. Bless their hearts.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

07 February, 2014 11:32  

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