Exchanges With Morons

I seem to use this graphic a lot, because it seems to fit a lot.

Like my latest moron.

This clown -- which may be unfair to professional clowns every where -- sent me the same scam email, but to three of my email addresses.  Addressed from the same and different people.  I'll probably never know what his angle was meant to be, but it's one of the stupider scam efforts I've seen.

Here it is (and when you've seen one, you've literally seen them all):

Is the payroll job still avaliable? I am pretty intrested i have good background work in that area  


The email address it came from is NOT the email address that appeared when I went to reply to it:  that address was vghworld@gmail.com. 

Since I got a total of four of these emails over three accounts -- one got two addressed from different people, but with the same reply-to address -- I came up with a variety of responses.  Here's a few for example:

 -  Oh heckydarnpoo....a platypus with fabulous abacus skills was just hired for that job.  Sawwwwrrrrry.  

 -  I am pleased to tell you that after carefully reviewing your resume, your skills at sodomizing sheep won our extended amusement.  But didn't land you a job.  

 -  Pop quiz:  According to the calendar of events, your days are numbered.  If you don't see what we just did there, you aren't qualified for the job.  If you eventually figure out what we just did there, you're still not qualified for the job...an abacus figured it out immediately.  If you figured out what we just did there in a few seconds...QuickenBook is still faster....no job for you.  Regardless of what you figured out, you still didn't get the job.  We pulled it because of obozodoesn'tcare.  Return to your unemployment and widening your ass watching Oprah and eating whatever it is you eat while trying to come up with a better scam.

 -  After carefully considering your non-application and your non-resume, we have come to the non-decision that you are non-qualified for the non-job you have applied for, and it is with extreme satisfaction that we have decided that you are the non-person for the non-job. 

Non-congratulations.  When can you non-start?

Now, none of those responses generated anything in return.  But one initial response DID generate something of a dialogue with this person of dubious scamming antecedence.  Here is THAT exchange:

I'm sorry...we have filled the position with a blonde named Ubula. She can't count but dang does she fill out a sweater. ... We'll be happy to hold your resume for the next open rest room cleaning position we get.

Dude thats how you scam bait?  

It was addressed from a Fouad Elyaouti.  Naturally, I simply hadda reply:

Sometimes I just troll a shiner past 'em and wait for them to lunge from the outhouse pit to take the bait.  Other times...I just throw them an anchovy and watch the seals trample 'em.  With scammers, it's whatever woiks, dude.  

That drew this in response:

okay?  Is that all?  

It all depends on the nature of the scam "Fouad" aka "Dude"...if your scam is particularly poorly writ and longer, I have a field day deconstructing it.  If your scam is from a recognized template, I go with whatever strikes my fancy, since once you're off the template, you show yourself to be a stammering, blithering idiot of dubious antecedence.  If your scam is something simple -- like what you sent me -- you get something simple in return that even a moron like you can, in time, figure out.

Of course, if you'd like to see yourself made to look more stupid, by all means try again. 

 

'Fouad' couldn't let it go:

 

you don't make no sense of this.  

 

there was some to be made from you, 'Fouad'?  That'd be a switch. 

 

Then he comes up with this:

 

Lol i am just scam baiting other scammers lol  

 

You're in need of a great deal of work with your technique, 'Fouad'.  I'd say it's lost until fouad.  Whaddaya think on that?  

 

i am not understand of your meaning.  

 

That's obvious.  Here's something I bet you can understand:  the job you're applying for is not available right now, but if you leave your name, species and a message at the tone, we'll get back to you about a job as a trained dodo bird to do traffic control in Burundi.  You're AVA profile suggests this is perfect for you.  You in?  

 

r u for real?   

 

You didn't say if you were in for the job of being a trained dodo bird to do traffic control in Burundi.  The need is immediate, 'cuz we've been contracted to reduce swinging vine monkey collisions there.  Your AVA says you can do this.  Not much else, but you can do this.  

 

u cant be real?  

 

..he..he..he...makes you wonder, don't it?

Am I a compbot?  Am I communicating from beyond the astral bridge thanks to modern technology and ITC?  Am I actually the spirit of Curly from the Three Stooges?  Are you being made to look stupid by your own pathetic scam?

Yes, I submit.  You may return to your sodomizing goats now, Fouad. 

 

i not do that.  u r sick.  

 

Then what IS it you sodomize when you're not trying this silly sh*t, Fouad?  Probably Galapagos Island tortoises, 'cuz they're so slow.  

 

u r not real.  

 

Well I guess we'll leave it to the world wide web of internet surfers to decide that, won't we 'Fouad'? 

 

'Fouad' decided that he'd had enough of trying to 'apply for a job' with me, since he now knew that I wouldn't hire ANYONE who sodomizes Galapagos Island tortoises:

 

stop already! what kind r u?  

 

That kind, laddie.   

 

So now 'Fouad' doesn't want to play any more, now that I've revealed his secrets and ineptness.  Another one for my 'fouad and lost' scambaiting files...   *ducking boos and throwd emails*