Tuesday, February 4, 2014

No Kias or Anything Else Useful To Be Found Heah...

No, this post isn't about a cross-eyed libtard pol from Florida.

But the origin of it could have been written by her, judging from some of her public comments.

What we got heah is another well-worn lottery scam, allegedly out of the UK, under the false pretenses of Nokia Corporation.

Which is probably a half dozen Nigerians in a fly-infested internet café tent on the outskirts of Lagos.

Here's the start of their gambit:

Nokia House. Summit Avenue South Wood
Marlborough Hampshire GU14 0NAG.
United Kingdom.
SCFN: UKE7/7685/010767/0112.
BATCH: 4381/2014/E7-BLX.
Dear Lucky winner,
I am  Barrister David Larry Esq , your claims/fiduciary officer, I wish to Congratulate you on your success, you are a lucky person to have been selected among the five annual lucky winners. This is to inform you that your winning amount is, 750,000 GBP this is a promotional draw which officially launches the new system, With funds accrued exclusively from previous draws, payouts to all winners are guaranteed and will be dispatch out as soon as possible via Cheque.  

You get the idea.

So to respond to my first online lottery 'win' of 2014, I let my pet rock, Seymour, do the edit.  And I think he did alright, far as pet rocks go:

Nokia Brokia 'n Stayin' That Waykia
Nokia House. Summit Avenue South Wood
Marlborough Hampshire Rutshire Wiggingoutham Winterbothambottombum GU14 0NAG.
United Kingdom of Nigeria
SCFN: UKE7/7685/010767/0112.
BATCH: 4381/2014/E7-BLX.
Dear Lucky,
I hoid youse looks like a horse, so's ah'm callin' youse mug Lucky, y'know whadda mean heah?

I am playing Barrister David Larry Esq, your douche nozzle assigned to lay this bad grits on you one each on time, hokay dokay smokay pokay.  Yowza, dat's howze we talks heah in da 'hood.  Uh huh.

I wish to Congratulate you on being the foist from youse area code ta reply ta dis heah crapannaza, youse is a lucky poison...dats poison, not poison like da band, fuggetaboutdem mugs, 'heyyyyy.  Youse is gotted selected ta among whatevah email addresses what answered this h'yah thang what we sended out of the Waffle House internet café in suboiban Lagos.

What we hopes youse gonna buy inta h'yah is that youse winning amount is 750,000 GBP.  No dat's not GBP as in "Great British Pounds", jackwagon; dat's GBP as in "Great Big Pile", an' we iz a hopin' youse gonna step in it heah.  What's more, we iz promise dat what we sez youse wined are guaranteed and will be dispatch out as soon as possible via large sealed container what's smell-proofed.

This heah correspondence officially confirms that youse responded so we heah iz thinkin' youse a pigeon we kin roll, hokay fine.  Please complete the form below with correct information and email back to us with a return email.
1.Full Name (your real one, we can't stands fraud from those we's gonna fraud):..............
2.Address, a pants suit, a lederhosen or whatevah youse gonna wear:................
3.Marital Status before or after she finds out youse sodomize car exhaust pipes:..................
4..Occupation when youse not sodomizing car exhaust pipes :..............`
6.Last Time You Had Sex With A Car Exhaust Pipe:.................
We wait to received an urgent feedback from you along with a fee of $250 USD paid to us in the farm of bacon bits, and I and the entire staff of Nokias Only Ox Carts Courier Corporation wish to congratulate you again.
Yours until we fleeces youse,
Barr. David Larry Esq.
Shift Douche Nozzle 
When one of the probably more literate members of this scam read the edit, perhaps he was a bit butt hurt or something:
you no want wht you win why no just not write? 
'Cuz I didn't want you to feel unacknowledged; at the same time, I didn't want you to have high hopes, unless you snort crack. 
That was apparently enough of an answer to satisfy Mr. Nokia....

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Blogger Sandee said...

Full Name (your real one, we can't stands fraud from those we's gonna fraud): Bwahahahahahahahaha.

Yep, if you don't want the money you won then don't write. Idiots.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

04 February, 2014 10:40  
Blogger Right Truth said...

That picture is something else, ha.

I wish I had the patience that you have.


06 February, 2014 10:15  

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