The Translation Ain't Lost -- Just Their Reply Seems To Be

The Third World scammers must be getting despot, trying to impersonate (badly) the FBI in their scams.

Here's one so badly-written, it could ONLY come from a scammer.  Or Nancy Pelosi:


"This is most important you read.

FBI is watch you for time now. We know you involve in scam activity and  we know where you are. We are watch you all the time. You need now to  do the right think so that FBI will not be made to arrest you for what you do.

Contact this emails and follow our instru...cts soonest to avoid unpleasant
side affect.

This is you only advice from us. Not delay.
Awaiting for your urgent respond
Mr.JAMES UBAH
FBI Office
Benin Republic
Phone/+229-98789714
Email: (mailto:moneytransfer001@waterquan.com)  


When the FBI in Benin writes you like that, what's a recipient to do?

Write 'em back making good use of Google Translate:


Edima FBI owo nke dubious antecedence na njọ nghota n'utoasusu drivel: n'ihi na ọtụtụ akụkụ, m mgbe niile ime ihe ziri ezi. Ọ bụrụ na ị na-ekiri m ka ị na-ekwu na gị na snoopers ẹde, ma ọ bụ buru ha noses si n'oké ahuokika. Ma na ha na-ewere keere òkè sodomizing na iyuzucha anwụrụ nke onyunyo ewu na ha n'elu. Nke na-eme ka ha kama conspicuous a obi ma digress. Niile ruru enweghị nkwanye ùgwù gị nzuzu na iberibe email na ọbụna stupider iberibe ojoro, m na-atụ aro na ị ibipụta a zaghachi, n'ogige atụrụ ya lengthwise, na igwu ya gị ịnyịnya ibu saidwees. Dịkarịa ala, ga-enye anyị NSA ihe kentoochi na-ekiri. Ma, ihe ọ bụla na ọ bụ gị Akpara-eme mgbe m ida ime gị abjectly nzuzu email, mma-eme ọsọ ọsọ, tupu kọfị na donuts gaa stale na mpaghara ducks na ha mbụ. Na na na na, na dị ka ndekọ ... na na ama screwed site wildebeest nke bụ ya mere na ị bụ onye ị dị taa.

Using Igbo -- an alleged language in that neck of the weirds -- I'm sure they gathered at once that I was going to be one of those 'non-compliance' annoyances.

For those of you who aren't conversant in Igbo as I'm not, here's the English version:

Dear FBI persons of dubious antecedence and worse grammatical drivel:  for the most part, I always do the right thing.  If you are watching me as you claim, your snoopers are asleep, or picking their noses out of sheer boredom.  Unless they're taking turns sodomizing the exhaust pipe of the surveillance goat they're riding on.  Which makes them rather conspicuous in this neighborhood but I digress.  With all due lack of respect to your stupid f**king email and even stupider f**king scam, I suggest you print this reply, fold it lengthwise, and shove it up your ass sideways.  At least that will give our NSA something amusing to watch.  Otherwise, whatever it is you plan to do when I fail to comply with your abjectly stupid email, you better hurry, before the coffee and donuts go stale and the local ducks get them first.  Oh, and just for the record...your mama was screwed by a wildebeest which is why you are the way you are today. 

I reckon that needless to say, I don't see the goat getting it up the exhaust pipe out on my street, no Benin FBIers have showd up to make me regret not having done the 'right thing' as they define it, and there are local ducks fat and indigestioned on stale coffee and donuts that might have been fresh once.  Danged if they won't even respond to me now.

I know they HATE when that happens.  Which here is all the time ;-)