Monday, January 20, 2014

The Proof That They Didn't Is In The Document

You gotta love scammers and their documents.

Yes, you really do.

Like their fraudulent checks and money orders, their documents are SO believable.

If you're the low information, dumbed down type, that is.

My character -- Jack N. Ewehoff -- is supposed to fill out this form to receive the transfer of $10 million USD, from the inherited account of Carian Funsho Fred, the scamstress of Togo who is allegedly dying of cancer of the scam template in the bucolic Benin Repugnant, located in the heart of Africa's Scamdom.

It was originally $2 million USD, until my character ridiculed the amount that Carian Funsho was trying to scam 'Jack' with.  Then she upped the pot $8 million USD and added 'Fred' to her last name.

Whatever.

So I contacted the 'bank' that 'Fred' urged me to, and this is the 'official document' I received back.

As I looked at and laughed over this document, I recall a Wall Street Journal article from earlier in '13 that revealed how law firms in the USA had lost millions to online scammers like these.

I'd make a note not to put any trust in a law firm that's that gullible.

At any rate...my character filled out and sent back this document.  He used account information given him by another scammer, acting with the belief that what good is scam bank info if one doesn't use it to tweak yet another scammer?

It's so nice of scammers to help me scambait their peers with their own info.

Having sent all that back to the 'bank', the 'bank' was prompt in letting me know that with my "information's well read", I had only now to pay a $5,000 fee to affect the transfer.

A fee of $5,000 sure affects the transfer, alright.

They concluded their reply with just the right phrase to get me over the $5,000 fee:  "You are welcome to our service!"


I reckon that my character IS welcome...long as he puts up $5,000.

*TOING* went that empty chamber located betwixt mine ears, as how to send them the 'fee' began to formulate in my mind.

But before we go there...when my character expressed a moment of *shock* at the $5,000 unaffordable hellth scam-like fee, the scam bank was quick to offer up their notion of a solution:


We have confirmed your information’s submit to our office, it’s necessary before your data can be stored in our Banking system as customer to attend, a consultation fee of $500 is need from you immediately since you are not ready yet with the reactivation fees of the account to enable us proceed this transaction. We advise you quickly send us the consultation fee of $500 through western union money transfer to the name of our accountant below.
Receiver name: MARK PHILIP
Receiver country: LOME TOGO

Text question: LOME
Text answer: TOGO

And scan us immediately the payment confirmations paper to enable us cash the fee fast and proceed to secure your data and wait on you to raise the activation fee.

Thanks and welcome to our service.  
 
 
Thanks for the expeditious discount, but if I'm gonna let you give me this business, the least I can do is to do it up right and front you the whole amount, rather than bits and pieces.  Patience is a virtue, unless you're a hospital, then patients is what you deal in.
 
 
While they ponder that, here's what I have in mind for their *fee*.  Either this:
 
 
or, if they're in to a bonus:

Which is quite a bonus for them.  At least, I think so.

Meanwhile back at the scamranch, ECOWAS says regarding my desire to do it all in one lump sum:

 
Dear customer,
We have confirmed your information’s submit to our office, it’s necessary before your data can be stored in our Banking system as customer to attend, a consultation fee of $500 is need from you immediately since you are not ready yet with the reactivation fees of the account to enable us proceed this transaction. We advise you quickly send us the consultation fee of $500 through western union money transfer to the name of our accountant below.

Receiver name: MARK PHILIP

Receiver country: LOME TOGO

Text question: LOME

Text answer: TOGO

And scan us immediately the payment confirmations paper to enable us cash the fee fast and proceed to secure your data and wait on you to raise the activation fee.

Thanks and welcome to our service. 
 
 
ECOWAS-ans, there'll be no half-assed for me.  I go all-assed or not at all.  If you could see me you'd see why.  I would prefer to send you the entire amount so as to have the process complete in one transfer.  That is my goal.  
 
 
Dear customer,
So quickly update us when you will be meeting up with the requested fee to enable us proceed fast.
Thanks. 
 
 
I should be able to send you what I'm sending you by Wednesday, my time. 
 
 
 
Dear customer,
Since you are sending the whole re-activation fee once by Wednesday, we advise you to send it directly to our Foreign Remittance Department on the below address.
Receiver full name:    CHINWIKE   DANIEL   UCHE
Receiver city and country:   LOME    TOGO
Text question:  LOME
Text answer:  TOGO
And scan us immediately the payment confirmations slip or list us the MTCN number and the sender name by email once you have succeeded transferring the fee of $5000 through western union to enable us receive the payment quick and proceed activating the account for further action in getting this transaction successfully to your provided Bank account.
You are once again welcome to our service!! ! ! !
The director of foreign remittance department.  
 
 
As the great American actor, Rachal Mancowbearpig said, "no problemo". 
 
 
Wednesday comes and wents, and I didn't gets around to sends nuffin'.  The ECOWANs and Marian Carrion take note:
 
 
Dear customer,
This is to inform you according to your previous update to us that by today been 08/01/2014 you will be transferring us the fees of $5000 for the reactivation of the account here to enable us proceed on this transaction. We are to alert you that we still wait to hear from you with the receiver information’s once you have successfully made the transfer through western union money transfer to enable us cash it and proceed fast to this transaction.

Thanks.  
 
 
And from herself:
 
 
How are you today? Please I have waited all yesterday to hear from you according to your promise that you will be resolving things with the Bank here yesterday till now no respond and the Bank has not yet reached me shows that you haven’t reached them as promised with the requested fee,
please is everything OK? Let me know because I have start getting worried about the silent since yesterday I expected to hear from you,and please for any urgent information's called the director himself on +22899100243 for clarification.

I shall be expecting to hear from you soonest.

Remain bless.
Mrs. Fred  
 
 
To them both goes this h'yah:
 
 
My dear ECOWAS-ans, the delay in the transfer of what I have prepared to send you has been but by a day.  Thursday should see your anticipations realized in a manure you'll know was destined.  As for Carrion, worry not my dying ember...today will be the 'day of days', since I have received the funds necessary to make this day the 'day of days', and you shall know, before you're unable to know anything more, that your plan for windows and organs has come to it's logical conclusion.  The money goes off today. 




After a bit of pondering, I decide on the technique with which to proceed:





And I include this:

Ms Carrion Funsho Fred, I thought your effort so inspired, I just knowd you'd appreciate I pay your friends with ECOWSASS a bonus.  And ECOWASS-ans, now Mama can afford those new meerkat pelt tampons you've been dying to give her for National Benin Day.  I mean, you DO have a made-up holiday like that, right?


From Ms Carrion Funsho Fred, I get about what I might have expected if I were talking to Ed Schultz:


I am not understand the meaning please?  


From ECOWSASS I get nothing further.  They get it.


So I take the time to reply to Carrion:


Well...what do YOU  think it means?  Tell me your interpretation, and
I'll let you know how close or far away from accurate  you are in that interpretation. 



And she actually does as I ask:


 Don't tell me all this follow up since all this while is a joke, how can you scan a copy of chocolate sweet or what will i call it and said is the payment slip. 


This is too much like shooting fish in a bucket:


Okay, I won't tell you that.  But if that's your interpretation, considering your background, education and what not, it's pretty good for you.  
 
As for how can I scan a copy of a chocolate sweet or what will you call it and say it is the bank payment slip, why that's easy enough to answer:  I scan it and I send it to the ECOWASS dummies and you as representative of the fee payment you were expecting.
And since it's more than you expected, you BOTH get a treat.  See how that works?  I treat you both equally.  Equality of outcome, I think they call it.  It isn't always possible in the real world, but in this one, it is.


That finally seemed to get the message across to 'Fred' that this was a dry hole to try to pump anything out of.

Though I think the kind of 'hole' Fred considers me at this point is something else..  ;-)
 




 

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

That is the saddest form I've seen in a very long time. Okay, everything they did was sad. Fun for you though.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

20 January, 2014 09:05  

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