When The Pet Rock Edits...

Let's face it...some of us...oh hell...many of us have some relatives that we're not all that wild about.

But have you ever considered having those relatives EATEN ALIVE?

North Korea's Kim Jong Un has.

My pet rock, Seymour, happened upon the piece describing how the North Korean despot chose to dispose of his uncle and five of the uncle's aides.

Pretty gnarly by all accounts.

Especially so in the following account that my pet rock laboriously put together in his spare time, of which he has waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much.

"Do NOT!!!"

Anyway, please note that this should not be read over dinner, unless your dinner sucks:

Kim Jong Un fed his uncle to 120 starving Nancy Pelosi Look-alikes: report

They Do The Hokey Pokey 'n Twist This All Around News Soivice – 3 January 2014

Forget having to listen to Toure, Missy Perry or Ed Schultz dysenteric drivel on PMSNBC: North Korean leader Kim Jong Un executed his uncle and a handful of the man’s aides by feeding them to a horde of 120 starving Nancy Pelosi look-alikes, according to sources trying to put distance between them and the North Korean whackjob.


Jang Song Thaek – who refused to contribute to Hildebeest Clinton's addadictomy exploratory surgery slated for later in 2014 – was stripped naked and tossed into an arena filled with starving Nancy Pelosi look-alikes in the throes of leftist brain atrophy, along with his five closest aides.

“Then 120 of the ugriest women on the pranet that just happen to rook rike Nancy Perosi, starved for three days, were arrowed to prey on them untir arr gone. This is carred ‘quan yuk phuk Perosi’, or execution by many ugry Perosi,” according to the Times of Pyongyang. The daily relied on one of the now plump Pelosi that was willing to give a lurid account of the execution in a Beijing talking point memo that serves as a warning to anyone that takes ANY botoxed Pelosi for granted, said the official mouthpiece of China’s government.


“The entire feast rasted for an hour, with the Grand Pudge, the supreme reader in North Korea, supervising it arong with 300 of his senior officiars who arso served as maitre d',” the Times said in a piece allowed to be published Dec. 24, 2013, which explains where the former madam Speaker was during the Christmas holiday break from Congress. Two American national security officials contacted for comment said that there was truth to the rumor that Ben 'n Jerrys were considering a new ice cream flavor to mark the occasion.


American-based PETA – People Eating Tasty Animals – couldn't care less, so's long as decent chow wasn't wasted on the 120 starved Nancy Pelosi look-alikes that did the chowing down. The other PETA was pissed because this reporter talked to the satirically competing PETA first, and refused to show me the hot babe wearing nothing but asparagus. In the meantime, the DNC is hoping that a new video game showing Hildebeest competing with Nancy Pelosi in eating disgraced North Korean family members and their parts will score them some points with the low informationers who visit JibJab on their free iphones. 

 
The Times suggested that China’s government leaked the account of the December execution to signal its efforts to deflect attention from the Chinese restauranteur on South Park that runs “Sh***y Wok”.


The United States has labored to get a grip on what kind of leader Kim Jong Un will be, and now that he's shown that he's not above gathering 120 starving Nancy Pelosi look-alikes in an arena to eat his family and political discards, they are hoping that perhaps next the North Korean despot will use 120 or so starving Debbie Wasserman-Schultz look-alikes for his next “I No Rike These Reratives Either” Feast. 

My pet rock sincerely thinks he'll garner a Pulitzer for this one.  I think he'll be lucky if one of the leftovers in my 'fridge doesn't morph into a Pelosi look-alike, and attack him....