Ask And Ye Shall Sometimes Receive...

2013 ended on a confused note for my final scammer of the year, Carian Funsho.

She sent me one of those "hello, I'm dying, will you help me use my inheritance for windows and organs?" emails.  With a pithy inheritance of only $2 Million USD.

'She' is sooo out of the scam mainstream.

Here is our initial exchanges that would lead you to believe that there'd be no mores:


Subject: Re: My name is Carian,I have urgent issue to discus with you please quickly reply me on: (carianfunsho@yahoo.com) for more details thanks.  


Okay, I reply. 
What is ur urgent issue to discus?  


Hello Dearest,

My name is Mrs. Carian Funsho From Lome Togo,an aging widow suffering from long time Cancer sickness. I have some funds I inherited from my late husband, the sum of ($2.000.000.00) Two Million U.S Dollars, and I needed a very honest and God fearing person who will use this money for Charity work, I mean to help the poor and less privileged people in the society, This is my last wish Because my doctor declared recently that i might not survive this sickness, The world is meaningless to me right now, I grew up as an orphan and i don't have a child who will inherit this fund. You can take 30 percent of the money for your personal use and use the rest to help the poor masses and i will need those information’s of yours bellow.

YOUR FULL NAME-------------------
YOUR RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS
YOUR PHONE NUMBER----------------
YOUR OCCUPATION-----------------------
YOUR NATIONALITY-----------------
YOUR AGE------------------------

The above information will enable me to send a letter to the bank,This letter will allow them recognized you when you are acting on my behalf,Upon receiving this information i will send to you the contact of the bank so that you will contact them for the transfer. When I hear from you next I will link you up with my Bank immediately without any delay, for you to contact them for the transfer. My Dear Please trust in God Because I did not contact you by my power but by his Grace. Please remember me in your daily prayers as i will be under going the Heart operation soon. I’m waiting to hear from at my email address here(carianfunsho@yahoo.com)
Mrs. Carian Funsho  

Only $2 Million USD?  I am truly sorry, Ms Carrion, but such a pithy amount is of little use to me.  When you have at least $5 Million USD, please do feel free to contact me and I'll gladly help you.  Try to raise that sum before your cancer eats your vagina.

Jack   

 

 

sorry   

 

 

sorry because of your pithy amount?  No need to be...I just KNOW you can make it more.  Ask your handlers how.   

 

 

I am such a sheet.  

 

At any rate, perhaps she thought a new years greeting would grease the wheels some:

 

 

  We are welcome to the   year 2014, year of unlimited breakthrough.
H-N-Y   dear.  

 

 

 and what is H-N-Y
  dear
all about?   

 

 

(and now we start all over again)

 

 

 My name is Carian,I have urgent issue to discus with you
please quickly reply me on: (carianfunsho@yahoo.com) for more details
thanks.  

 

 

Of course it  is.  Now...what is your urgent issue to discus?  

 

 

My name is Mrs. Carian Funsho From Lome Togo,an aging widow suffering from long time Cancer sickness. I have some funds I inherited from my late husband, the sum of ($10.000.000.00) Ten Million U.S Dollars, and I needed a very honest and God fearing person who will use this money for Charity work, I mean to help the poor and less privileged people in the society, This is my last wish Because my doctor declared recently that i might not survive this sickness, The world is meaningless to me right now, I grew up as an orphan and i don't have a child who will inherit this fund. You can take 30 percent of the money for your personal use and use the rest to help the poor masses and i will need those information’s of yours bellow.   

 

 

Whaddaya know...she really DID ask her handlers how.  And doubled down on my suggestion.

 

 

Atta girl!  I am so glad you read my previous email and got the amount up to a respectable amount for me to deal with.  Now THAT'S asking your handlers how.  So now you can gibts me da business. 

 

 

thank you  now will u help?   

 

 

But and of COURSE I will!  How can I not?  Let's start with your original email, remembering to adjust it for your new inheritance amount, and here is where I think I can truly help you (and from here I go on to edit her original email, making sure to include the adjustment):

 

My name is Mrs. Carrion Fungduk from Lome Togo, a suburb of Deadtroit that reminds me of living in Sudan before I moved to some place even more desolate.  You'd never guess it to see me -- the cosmetic department here does wonders before I do my douche commercials for The Nigerian Scam Channel on A&E -- but this week I am playing an aging widow suffering from long time Cancer sickness. All I have to do to put myself in the right frame of mind to make this believable is act like I just tried to sign up for that new government-run-in-the-ditch hellthscare system the Left is pushing in America. 

Our witch doctors back home are more effective.

How it works is I claim to have some funds I inherited from my late husband, the sum of ($2.000.000.00) Two Million U.S Dollars; it's actually a stash of stolen welfare EBT cards I ripped off by claiming to be 19 different democrat low information voters with 97 dependents, and they not only gibbed them to me, they registered me to vote 4,000 times in 2012. 

So if you can appreciate irony and abject leftist hypocrisy, I need a very honest and God fearing person who will believe this crap and think that they're gonna get access to $2 Million USD, which I am directly them to use for charity work, I mean to help the poor and less privileged people in the society.  I kill me sometimes with how full of crap I am.

Unfortunately, some schmuck has pointed outs to me that $2 Million USD is not attractive enough to some of you greedy, mean-spirited, opportunistic Western bastards...so I just found me mores, and now I gots me $10 Million USDs to entice your ass with.

Hooha.

Now, you must believes that this is my last wish because my Soeterodoesn'tcare doctor -- until last week he was a de-certified lawyer at Hahvahd -- declared recently that I might not survive this season's rating plunge of our show, which until last week was rated higher than PMSNBC.  Then again, a garlic-n-onion popcorn fart is rated higher than PMSNBC.  At any rate, with our ratings falling faster than A&E backtracking on Duck Dynasty, the real world is meaningless to me right now.  I grew up a meth-addicted low information Occupy My Parents Basement drum circle instructor, and I have no skills save those of a welfare cheat and scammer.

In other words, I'm a good democrat.

So here's the deal I'm lying like a cheap rug about, which is okay if you buy it, and if you don't I'll tell the ACLU and Jesse Jackson that you're racist:  You can take 30 percent of the money for your personal use -- 30% of nothing is...uh...um...ah...oh Hillary crap, I'm low information so math's too hard for me -- anyway, just take my worthless word that you get 30%, and you get to use the rest of nothing for to help the poor masses get...nothing.  

I will be need those information’s of yours bellow.

YOUR FULL NAME-------------------
YOUR RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS
YOUR PHONE NUMBER----------------
YOUR OCCUPATION-----------------------
YOUR NATIONALITY-----------------
YOUR AGE------------------------

YOUR BANK ACCOUNT ACCESS, CREDIT CARDS, YOUR VIRGIN DAUGHTER, AND A DOZEN CARTONS OF TWINKIES.


The above information will enable me to drain your fiscal assets and replace them with...nothing, 'cuz you owe me because I'm low information and you're not.  Haha.  Welcome to Soetero's wealthy redistribution rip-off.  How I love being on his side of hoax and change.

My Dear Please trust in me on this because if you don't fall for this crap my handler will make me the next practice dummy for the Knock Out game on A&E.  Their ratings suck too.  Why can't they cancel Duck Dynasty so we can get some ratings?  Because we suck?  How DARE you tell us the truth!

Anyway, please let me know you're gullbile by respond to my email address here(carianfunsho@yahoo.com)
Mrs. Carrion Fungduk   

 

 

Neither she, her handlers or both, didn't bother to read the edit.  Instead, they sent me the bank of theirs to contact via email.  Which I did.  And in the next post, you'll get a load of the 'official' document I got from ECOWAS Bank, Togo.