Saturday, January 11, 2014

Rappi Yapi Whittles A Wang

I reckon that's not what the directions meant. 


I also reckon the directions I followed from Samson Yapi, Ivory Coast scammer, weren't interpreted in the manure he had in mind, either.

It all started on September 17, 2013.  Ol' Yapi sent me an email with the title "Reply me immediately when you read this email okay?".

So the email sat, chilling in my email inbox sink -- without a remote or beer -- until November 21, when I finally responded with "is this immediate enough?".

Shore 'nuff:

Yes is immediate enough.

I thank you for your urgent response for mail of assistance to you and your willing to assist me.I  attached with this mail, my picture for you to see me and know me and I want you to send me yours in your reply mail too.

I am Samson Yapi, the only surviving child of late Mr & Mrs Desire Asségnini Yapi,The former Interior minister in Laurent Gbagbo’s government,I am 17 years old young man,please do not betray me after trusting you.My late parents,Mr & Mrs Desire Asségnini Yapi, died of shrapnel wounds sustained when members of the Republican Forces stormed the presidential palace to arrest Mr.Gbagbo on April 12, 2011.You can find out this on the web page Ivory Coast arrest of the former president Laurent Gbagbo l-wounds/.  He was the acting Minister of Interior in the government that was formed following that agreement before his appointment in the aftermath of the 28 November post election crisis as the general secretary of the presidency.
I really need your assistance on the below list.

1)To receive my inheritance in your country (us$5.5million).
2) To serve as my guardian while I go back to school.
3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education immediately my inheritance is transferred to your account in your country.
4) To help me invest part of the inheritance in a profitable ventures while I go back to school. 

That was pretty just the gist of it. 

Yapi forgot, as promised above, to send me a photo of him.  And in my immediately two months plus late reply, I forgot to reciprocate.  But in a follow up, I sent him the picture above.

I reckon that, coupled with the edited response I sent back to him and a few of his peers and colleagues, this put a chill on further communications with Yapi:

Yes is the loneliest number that you'll ever do.  So said Three Dawg Blight, as I recalls.

I gives thanks you for your urgent response for a turkey already buttstuffed and ready to have twerk with.  I  attached with this mail, my picture for you to see me and know me and I want you to send me yours in your reply mail too.

I am Samson Yapi, the only surviving butt polyp of late Mr & Mrs Desire Asségnini Yapi, the former booking manager for the 60s musical group, Painful Rectal Itch.  I am 17 years old young man when I inherit this job from my lates, which is probably why Painful Rectal Itch is more a malady than a well-knowd musical grope on the neuralgia circuit court of appeals.  please do not betray me to Mick Jagger after trusting you. 
The San freakcisco garbage band Painful Rectal Itch died of throwing a hot transformer into the hot tub that they were all sharing with Cher at the time; Cher survived it after about 500 plastic surgicals that left her talking like she does today.  You can find out this on the web page Ivory Soap Has No Idea What You're Looking Up Here.  He was the acting coach to the world's greatest actor, Arec Bardwin, until the movie Team America:  World Police exposed both him and Bardwin as total douche nozzle suckasses.
I really need your assistance on the below list.

1) To send me new bedding covers; I wet mine.
2) To serve borscht to my yak herd.
3) To make arrangement for me to have sex with a manatee named Yolanda over in your country while it is filmed to go with Miley Cyrus next twerking video, I Am The Vaginal Walrus.
4) To help me have incest with a family of beavers I intend to adapt while I go back to school to become a phlabotomist.

I need your address,full names and contact numbers to submit to soeterodoesn'tcare, because I get paid commission for everyones I sign up, and I don't wants to give them mine, because it sucks.  This I hope you find is okay until you find too late that it's not.

As I said in my first mail, the constipated mathematician worked it out with a pencil, and if this is okay with you, make sure the pencil you use is a number 2.  If you understand the first part, you understand what I just did there, huh?

 Remain blessed, 'cuz you'll need it when soeterodoesn'tcare loots your personal information and bank accounts.

Samson Yapi
Samson Yapi <>

After the photo and edit, Samson decided I was too late after all  ;-)


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Blogger Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahahahaha. I spewed my coffee when I got to 'surviving butt polyp'. I'm just saying.

Have a fabulous weekend. My best to Seymour. ☺

11 January, 2014 09:30  

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