Don't Fart In The Centerpiece
It's just the NSA.
Once again -- and in a less intimidating tone than used more recently -- the FBI is again contacting me about internet scams.
They and the UN want to compensate me.
The NSA could have told them I haven't been scammed yet.
Oh well....at any rate, the FBI works in mysterious ways. And from exotic places. Like somewhere in the Scam Capital of Africa.
So I kept some of that in mind, along with a couple of nice, not-too-loud shout outs to the NSA, just 'cuz that's the type of dude I am:
James B. Comey
September 4, 2013 - Present
FEDERAL BURRO SEEKING TO WIRETAP THE INTERNET, MAKES ASS OF SELF.
This mail serves as a listening ear to the NSA, who remind you not to fart into the flower arrangement on your dining room table; the ear pieces they use are sensitive.
We have a database of victims that we cannot access because we used the same IT developers that your potus used for his ACA online scam, and ours doesn't work any better than Oregon's does. But you may rest assured that we're working on making it even worse than it is. It's what we of the UN do.
INSTRUCTION/WARNING FROM HIS EXCELLENCY DR YAYI BONI: when using the ACA webblight, remember to flush and wash your hands. There's nothing but dishonest sh*t there.
Instead, you should contact OUR webslight -- a masterful knockoff of the ACA site that will allow us to get all your personals without you getting anythings back in return -- and ask to have speaks with this person:
Position: Auditor General (NAICOM)
Note: we are on investigation and security watch over any message with the ACA, to benefit the satisfaction of all the douche nozzles of the potus staff by seeking to wiretap peoples who call the ACA a scam on the internet. They is obliviously jealous that the potus can screw up a wet dream with Jay Carney's junk.
Should in case you need any more information's in regards to this notification, feel free to get back to us so that we can debrief you more as we are much in shortage here of quality briefs. Loin cloths made of tree bark just don't get it done, and leave ugly scratch marks on our junk.
James B. Comey
Federal Burro Making An Ass Of Itself (EXCUTIVE DIRECTOR)
No, I haven't as yet received my anonymously-sent decorative centerpiece floral thingee with Spock ears attached; when I do, my first act of appreciation will be to see if it flies from three stories up.
Bet that'll leave an audible mark...