Email Road Kill

Perhaps the original road kill, Warner Bros style.

Though the umbrella is a nice touch.

Why road kill?  On accounta cuz I made it the central theme in a recent email edit.

If the scammer'd been from Arkansas, I could never have pulled it off.

He ain't.

Here's his ploy to me:


My name is Steve Benson. I work with one of the leading Banks here in London, UK. I would need your consent to present you as the next of kin to our late customer who died of heart attack in 2009. He was a wealthy business man who deposited a huge amount in our Bank. He died without any registered next of kin as he was long divorced and had no child.

I was his account officer and have in my possession all the documents required to present you as his beneficiary next of kin. I contacted you because you have same name identity with our late client and can perfectly fit in as next of kin, We can work together to claim this fund. Please listen, this is real
and goes on in Banks all over the world without people knowing. Let us utilize this opportunity because it does not come always. A lot of customers open private accounts with different Banks without the knowledge of their families and when they die, such money will be lost  to the Bank unless someone comes to claim it. This is how a lot of Bank Directors make so much money silently.

On your confirmation of this message and indicating your interest, I will furnish you with more details. Please endeavor to provide me with the following so that we can discuss in details: stevebenson210@yahoo.com.hk

1)mobile phone numbers
2)full name
3)contact address and occupation

I urgently hope to get your response as soon as possible.
Yours Sincerely,
Steve Benson  


Since his email scam was DOA -- dead on arrival -- I saw therein an opportunity with the edit.  My pet rock, Seymour, says I'm one twisted dude.  He's right, anytime I visit the chiropractor:

My name is Steve Benson. I have sex with road kill.  They don't bite my winkee off that way.

 

I used to try to have sex with small animals, but an angry marmot bit my winkee off and it cost me in excess of $50,000 to have it surgically replaced.

 

It sucked.

 

So I switched to road kill.  Did you know that ducks are necrophilquacks?

 

See what I just did there?

 

Anyway....the real reason that I am writing to you is that I want to establish a world wide network of people who have sex with road kill.  We'll call it the I Screw Road Kill International (ISRKI), with our headquarters here in London, UK, 'cuz here the Brits are dumb enough to allow ANYTHING.

 

We're working on branch offices in Teheran, Dumbasscus, Paris, Seattle, Washington DC and Chicago.

 

I would need your consent to present you as the next elected candidate to join ISRKI, so that we can show that we are a serious and upcoming organization.

 

That way we can get ads on PMSNBC and an interview with Rachal Madcow, of whom it is said that having sex with her is like doing road kill.  We also hear it's similar with Nancy Pelosi, Sandra Fluke and Sheila Jackson Lee.

 

I was little more than a mild-manured accountant until I had this revelation that screwing road kill was uber safer and more faddish than trying to poke a pissy badger or marmot.  A $50,000 surgical lesson later, and I am a wiser animal sodomist with a dream.  And a vision.

 

And animal herpes.  But I digress.

 

On your confirmation of this message and indicating your interest, I will furnish you with more details. Please endeavor to provide me with the following so that we can discuss in details: stevebenson210@yahoo.com.hk

1)mobile phone numbers
2)full name
3)contact address and occupation

I urgently hope to get your response as soon as possible.
Yours Sincerely,
Steve Benson

 

PS: if I don't answer right away, I'm probably in the middle of doing a road kill duck.  Leave a message and I'll get quack to you as soonest as possible. 

 

 

As I said...if Steve Benson is from Arkansas, I'll reckon on a response.  If not...I'm sure he didn't get what I just did there.