Try Reading The Response Next Time...Dummy

Hello.  This h'yar is Miss Rose.  Or so she claims.

Not bad, eh?

I reckon from this picture you might deduce that life ain't too bad for Miss Rose, right?

Well...would you still feel that way if I told you that Miss Rose sent this picture from a refugee camp in Senegal?

Yeah...me too.

However, Miss Rose wants me to think differently.  And here's her initial effort to give me the business:


Dearest One,

I am Miss Rose Mathew young medical student from Sierra Leone in Africa and
presently i am residing in the refugee camp here in Senegal as a result of the
civil war going on in my country. I would like to go into a partnership with
you; it is my pleasure to contact you for a business venture which I intend to
establish in your country. Though I have not met with you before but I believe
one has to risk confident in succeed sometimes in life. There is this huge
amount US$17,000.000 (Seventeen Million United States Dollars) which my late
Father deposited on my name in the suspense account with one Bank before his
Death.

Now I have decided to invest this money in your country or anywhere safe
enough outside Africa for security and political reasons. I want you to help me
claim and retrieve these fund from the Bank and transfer it into your personal
account in your country for investment purposes, since the money is deposited
in the suspense account I can not have access to the fund until it is
transferred out from the account that is why I am contacting you to assists me
and see that the Bank transfer the money into your personal account for to me
to leave this country and meet you over there.

I am honorably seeking your assistance in the following ways:

(1) To provide a bank account into which this money would be transferred to.
(2) To serve as a guardian of this fund.
(3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my
education and to secure a resident permit in your country.

If you can be of assistance to me I will be pleased to offer you 10% of the
total fund, and again we are going to invest together and share what ever
profit we make together, I want you to get back to me as soon as possible so
that I will tell you what next step to take to enable us conclude this
transfer.

Please reply through this email: rosematthew2631@yahoo.com

I am waiting for your soonest response.
Yours Sincerely,

Miss. Rose Mathew 


Respond, I did.  With one of my usual edits:


I am Miss Rose Mathew young prostitute student from Sierra Leone in Africa and
presently i am residing in the refugee camp here in Senegal as a result of the
civil war going on in my country and the need for prostitutes to keep soldiers

on leave from raping the local goats. I would like to go into a partnership with
you; it is my pleasure to contact you for a business venture which I intend to
establish in your country. Though I have not met with you before but I believe
one has to risk confident in succeed sometimes in life.

 

In my prostitution time here I have made roughly $17,000.000 in West African

francs...not sure what that comes to in US dollars, but probably not that much.

 

Still, it beats what I was making as a waitress in a fly-infested internet café.

 

 Now I have decided to invest this money in your country or anywhere safe
enough outside Africa for security and political reasons. I want you to help me
claim and retrieve these fund from the Bank and transfer it into your personal
account in your country for investment purposes, since the money is deposited
in the suspense account I can not have access to the fund until it is
transferred out from the account that is why I am contacting you to assists me
and see that the Bank transfer the money into your personal account for to me
to leave this country and meet you over there.

I am honorably seeking your assistance in the following ways:

(1) To provide me an out of country address I can use for my visa.
(2) To serve as my go-between with a gynecologist.
(3) To make arrangement for me to establish a thriving prostitution practice

in your country where I'm paid in dollars instead of these butt-wipe-valued

West African francs.

(4) I also need you to schedule me a vaginal rebushing, 'cuz these Senegalese

militia bastards are insatiable.

If you can be of assistance to me I will be pleased to offer you 10% of the
profits.  I might even spread for you at cost.  I want you to get back to me as

soon as possible so that I will tell you what next step to take to enable us

to set up a lucrative house of prostitution for me to work and run.   

 

 

It will become very apparent that Miss Rose did not bother to read what I dun to her email; she merely noted that I sent it back without 'saying anything'.  I think my edit said plenty.

 

But she didn't get the ideer from my edit, here's the not-too-lengthy back 'n forth that ensued betwixt her and the character I chose for this episode:

 

 

Hi Dear,

You did not say anything about helping me out.

I will waiting to hear from you.

From Miss Rose 

 

 

Well...what kind of help are you requiring there, Ma'am? 

Thank you very much for you mail and how was your last night? and how is business over there? Yes we have not communicated before and i want you to assure me that you will not going to run away with this money once the money is transfer in to your bank account because this is the only thing that my late father leave for me before his death.

Honestly, my day's is not so good since I came over here in Dakar-Senegal in this prison called refugee camp; we are only allowed to go out only on Mondays and Fridays of the weeks. It’s just like one staying in the prison and I hope by God's grace I will come out here soon.

I don't have any relatives now whom I can go to, all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war and I am confuse here in the camp, I don't know what to do anymore, I appeal to you for help so that I can come out of this situation to meet with you in your country to continue my education because I did not complete my education when the war take place.

I kept this as a secret to people in the camp here the only person that knows about it is the Reverend here because he is like a father to me.So in the light of above i will like you to keep it to yourself and don't tell it to anyone for i am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it.Remember i am giving you all this information due to my condition there.I like honest and understanding person, truthful, truth and hardworking.

This transaction is a 100% legal,i am confident of that and believe in little time you will see things yourself, Please try and know that this money is in the bank and all you need is to contact the bank and seek for an advice on how the money will be transferred into your account. I have already inform them my heart desire which they promise to help me if i get a reliable foreign partner that will be sincere.

You as my helper you will have nothing to regret.Please try and give me all your information's below so that i can give you the contact of the bank so that you can contact the bank for the transfer of this money to your bank account in your country.

YOUR FULL NAME------------------
YOUR RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS---------
YOUR PHONE NUMBER----------------
OCCUPATION-----------------------
YOUR NATIONALITY-----------------
YOUR AGE-------------------------

The above information will enable me to send a letter to the bank,This letter will allow them recognized you when you are acting on my behalf,Upon receiving this information i will send to you the contact of the bank so that you will contact them.

Note that all i have said are word of sincere,i am confident in this.I try to call you with the number that you give to me but is not going.Honey i am waiting for the above information from you so that I can give you the contact of the bank so that you can contact them for the transfer of the money.  

Dear Ms Rose, 

Here is the information you need from me.  I will do all that I can to help you. 

Yours,

Jack

 

YOUR FULL NAME------------------                 Jack N. Ewehoff
YOUR RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS---------      *** ******* Street  Central City CO 80427
YOUR PHONE NUMBER----------------           ***-***-****
OCCUPATION-----------------------                   Renewable Energy Scatology Research Analyst
YOUR NATIONALITY-----------------             American
YOUR AGE-------------------------                     41 

My love Jack.
Good morning to you and how was your last night over there? Honey i see the information you send to me thank for it and i have send it to the bank and tell them about you. One i hear from them i will let you know and send you the bank information so that you will contact them.  Honey please can you help me with any amount of money so that i can buy food stuff  cloth and ice cream,  Please i will be waiting to hear from you.   


Ice cream???  Okaayyyy:

It would be helpful to me to know exactly how much money you require, both immediately and in the immediate future.  And will it work best to send it in dollars, or do you need me to have it sent in a different denomination?   Let me know that and how you keep ice cream from melting there.   

 

 

She doesn't bother to say anything more about the ice cream:

My love Jack.
My love thank for you mail and please any amount that you can send to me to help me please so that i can buy food stuff cream and cloth like underwear, My love you can send it in dollars.

Here is the information,
Fist Name Rose,
Second Name. Matthew.
City Dakar.
Country Senegal.

Please one you send the money you let me know and send the information to me so that i can go and pict it please i try the number that you send to me but is not going please put the code.  

 

Right-o, Ms Rose.  I'll get some money together and out to you in the next couple days.

You can count on that.  I like ice cream too.

Jack   

 

 

My love Jack.

Thank for your mail and and how was your last night over there? My love please am waiting as you promise that you will send me the money. And once i hear from the bank i will let you know and send you the bank contact so that you can contact them.  I will be waiting to hear from you.  

 

 

As luck would have it, I get paid today, so I will be able to wire you some money later today.  I'll use the information you gave me to wire it to.  Hang in there and soon there'll be ice cream!  

 

 

Thank for your mail and and how was your last night over there? My love please am waiting as you promise that you will send me the money. And once i hear from the bank i will let you know and send you the bank contact so that you can contact them.  

 

 

Will $700 or so be enough to help you get ice cream?  

My love i told you that any amount that you send then i can manage it. Please help with any one that you can send and once you send it you send me the information ok.  

 

 

Okay....later today I will be wiring you about 700.  Hope you find it enlightening.  Don't let your ice cream melt.  

 

 

Please can you send  me the information that you use and send the money. or you scan the payment slip and send to me,  please i will be waiting for the sending information from you. like senders name question and answer and control number.
I will be waiting to hear from you.  

 

 

Okay...she's ignored the ice cream comments after bringing it up herself, so now's the time to send her 700 in the form of seven of these attached to the email:

 

You scream, I scream, and now she'll scream for ice cream...NOT:

 

 

Ms Rose, I believe in expedience here, so I am sending you the information attached to this email.

You may download, print and cash this 700 with my compliments.   Ice cream for all! 

 

 

Miss Rose, the Baskin Robbins 30 some-odd flavors falling from her eyes at last, is not amused:

 

 

f*** u and yr ice crem!! 

 

 

Sorry, I just cain' hep myself h'yar:

 

 

That'll just make it melt faster, Rosie. 

 

 

Needless to say, I didn't put her in a Good Humor here...*ducking boos and throwd little wooden ice cream spoons....*