Tuesday, April 2, 2013

A Day Late, But

"Let's get rea-deee to RUMMMBLLLLLE!"

Just imagine that in chipmunk-ese.

It actually arrived a few days ahead of April 1, but I didn't get to it until a day after.  My bad.  I know the scammer(s) prolly thought so.

Especially with what I dun to their song, Ma.

It was meant to look like an awwwthentic email from Bank of America.  Even had the BOA logo.  Catchy.

And it informed me that there'd been some sooo-spicious activity on my BOA online account, and that I needed to click on a link they had to verify my account info had not been compromised.

Most thoughtful.

'Cept I ain't got no BOA online account.  Never had me wun.

Not that it stopped me from clicking on the link and sending back a whole lot of rather derogatory gibberish I represented as my online log in info.  I'm sure it worked real goooood for them fellers.

For for those of youse what knows me, that simply wasn't enough, y'see.

So I follered it up with the following edit:


Subject: Blank Of America Online Violates Gerbils

Home - Bank Of America
Devalued Customer,

We are currently engaged in violating gerbils, and thus we wish to know from our customer database who amongst you has gerbils. 
Not that we are restricted solely to violating gerbils; we'll do guinea pigs, hamsters, rats, mice, platypus...anything small, furry and with a hole to poke.  Hell, stuffed animals are fine.  We are insatiable in this endeavor, let us assure you.
If you can help us out, we'll have a special gift for you:  a video of us doing a gerbil named Desiree.


Well, we were going to have a video...but YouTube pulled it, saying that it was offending a hamster named Desiree.
 
We foresee a cage match to settle this on WWE:  Desiree vs Desiree...rodent cage match to determine who we do the video of!
NOTE: Failure to respond to us with an offer for us to violate your small furry pet within 24HRS of receiving this notice will lead to something very gnarly in your breakfast.  Add to that, we'll pout and throw a helluva tantrum.  Oh yeah, we can do that.
*DISCLAIMER:  the asshat we have on payroll who calls hisself an atturkey, he sez we have to put this in.  We're not the REAL Bank of America, though with some of the stuff that goes on, we sometimes cannot be told apart, eh?  Anyway, anything said herein that in any way comparably represents itself to be akin to Bank of America, is purely the fault of democrats and Paul Krugman, both of whom are trying to out-moron one another.  Any special offers that the real BOA has that are remotely like this one, just shows they're listening in on our marketing meetings.  Jackwagons.  Your results may vary from ours, 'cuz you ain't us.  If you were, you'd be just as reprehensible.  The FTC and SEC have not evaluated the contents of this email; they're still busy looking for nobama's economic 'recovery' that's obviously hiding in piers moron's twisted liberal fantasies about him, Rachel Madcow, and an inflatable facsimile of Nancy Bela Pelosi.  Oh yes...and the bloated marxist piece of crap Hugo Chavez is still dead.  Danny Glover is having to make due with an inflatable replica, though he and Sean Penn are fighting over who gets to blow it...up.

So far, no comments from BOA, PETA, PMSNBC, CNN, the Nevada Boxing Commission, WWE or any other accredited/made up acronym. 
But I'm okay if they're a day or two later than I wuz...

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2 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

The FTC and SEC have not evaluated the contents of this email; they're still busy looking for nobama's economic 'recovery' that's obviously hiding in piers moron's twisted liberal fantasies about him, Rachel Madcow, and an inflatable facsimile of Nancy Bela Pelosi. Oh yes...and the bloated marxist piece of crap Hugo Chavez is still dead. Danny Glover is having to make due with an inflatable replica, though he and Sean Penn are fighting over who gets to blow it...up.

Bwahahaahahahaahahaha. The above had me laughing uncontrollably. Thanks for that.

Have a terrific day. Seymour sends his best. ☺

02 April, 2013 09:02  
Blogger Right Truth said...

"Oh yes...and the bloated marxist piece of crap Hugo Chavez is still dead. Danny Glover is having to make due with an inflatable replica, though he and Sean Penn are fighting over who gets to blow it...up."

I'm betting they abuse gerbils too.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

02 April, 2013 15:26  

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