Saturday, March 30, 2013

A Scammer Learns 'Bout March Madness

In my last installment, I spoke of my total ill-preparedness to address the issue of March Madness, brackets-wise.

I might as well place a bet in 'Vegas on whether the Chinese put a man on the Moon before our current potus tells the truth for once.

Eh.  Low information voters are convinced that Sequester is the cat that tries unsuccessfully to eat Tweety.

At any rate, my scammer this week is identified as Aaron Smith, a pay agent representing a unit within the United Nations...or so he says.  And his mission:  to get anyone he emails to believe that (a) they have been the victim of an online scam and (b) that he has $400,000 in compensation for them.  After, of course, the 'recipient' pays the normal fees for such a transaction.

Aka, a scam.

But ol' Aaron, he hadn't apparently counted on me being one of his email recipients.  Nor, I imagine, did Aaron reckon on something of a lesson in 'March Madness' being inserted into his email.  In fact, replacing its whole content.

No need to thank me, Aaron.

Here's what his lesson in March Madness looks like now:

From: UNCC <
Sent: Sunday, March 24, 2013 9:30 AM
Congratulations Beneficiary,

How are you today? Hope all is well with you and family, not that we really care, we're just required to say that as opening rubbish to what follows.

You may not understand why this mail came to you. We don't either, but your email address was submitted to us, so here we are.

The UNITED NATIONS have been having a meeting for the past 7 months which just ended few days ago with the secretary to the UNITED NATIONS. Yes, we realize that we are most inefficient. But since it isn't our money we're spending, we don't care.

This includes every American taxpayer. We don't care. Get over it. Now quit sulking and return now to the purpose of our email.

After our 7 month meeting, it was decided that we are going to lend assistance to all those peoples in the world who are ESPN impoverished, and provide them with assistance in filling out their March Madness brackets. Yes, from the artificial goat inseminators in Angola, to the idiot mugu Andrew Green ( to the last yak fornicator in Zaire (recently transferred there from Siberia, which had to have been a bit of a culture shock), we are now offer free advice to help you win your office pool March Madness bracket.
As Idi Amin frequently said, "this is very important". Then again, the dumb ass mugu is dead.

Basketball is big sport in US, along with baseball, football, hockey, and fat people taking their tops off and running around on a couple of tabloid TV shows, along with collecting free phones and welfare while Detroit collapses on itself. This too is a sport, but I digress.

So, to fill out your brackets NOW, you are advised to contact Aaron Smith of our UNITED NATION MARCH MADNESS PICKING BRACKETS ASSISTANCE CENTER. It's actually in Nigeria, but for purposes of clarity we say that we are in the United Kingdumb. See what we just did there?

Giving you the business is what we do, and our business is helping those who can't hep themselves to someone elses' money. Granted, if you're in West Africa, the West African franc is so patently worthless, a suitcase full of them can't buy a "Hugo Chavez Is Dead...HaHa" t-shirt. But that's okay, because Aaron Smith has a bunch of those to give away, too.

So write now -- TODAY FOLKS, TODAY -- at the given address below:
I apologize on behalf of my organization for any delay you might have encountered in receiving this vital informations on your March Madness bracket picks, but we had to be sure that William & Mary were IN the tournament first, BEFORE we could advice you to pick them to win it all.

Harvard? Florida whatever-they're-called? Phhhfffffffft. It's William & Mary, all the way.

Thanks and our gawd here -- who looks like Christ John's mama's oracled butt hole (tell him about it at -- couldn't care less about your family, unless you fill out a bracket TODAY. Hoping to hear from you as soon as you fill out your bracket.
Yes, that's us: Making the world a more miserable place. It's what we do. It's ALL we do.

You are required to contact the above person and furnish him with the following of your information that will be required to avoid any mistakes:-

1. Your Full name:
2. Your Country:
3. Contact Address:
4. Telephone Number:
5. Fax Number:
6. Marital Status:
7. Occupation:
8. Last Time You Tried Sex With A Basketball Or PMSing Badger:
9. Age:

Congratulations, and I look forward to hear from you as soon as you confirm your March Madness brackets to making the world a more miserable place, like in North Korea. That country is full of asshats!  We learned that from Team America:  World Police!

Secretary-General Ban Mai-Moon

I don't expect to hear much in the way of thanks or feedback from Aaron Smith.  I might have pissed off North Korea's Kim Dung Soon, or whatever his name is...

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Blogger Sandee said...

# 8 will be a tough one to answer. Bwahahahahahahahaha. I love the redo.

Have a terrific day. Happy Easter too. Seymour sends his best. :)

30 March, 2013 10:04  
Blogger Right Truth said...

"...and fat people taking their tops off and running around on a couple of tabloid TV shows, along with collecting free phones and welfare while Detroit collapses on itself. "

Ain't that the truth.

"8. Last Time You Tried Sex With A Basketball ..."

I don't know how you come up with all the stuff you do, you brain must really be wrinkled.

Have a great Easter Sunday. Eat some PEEPS for me, I forgot to buy any.

Right Truth

30 March, 2013 19:31  

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