Scam Wars Meets Colostomy
Eh...if Stallone can prop up Rocky and Rambo with formaldehyde, bondo and loads of make up, why not?
Long as they leave Juju Binks out of the script.
Anyway, I got a scamtest email for something I'd never heard of before, but felt it had to have some use as a future blog post. It went like this:
Ticket number : (GUI45856CS89)
Ballot number :(BN:6220914657/HBZ-T)
You emerged lucky winner in this year's Arthur Guinness new year draws held
here in the United Kingdom.
Kindly confirm that this email is valid by sending the above ticket and ballot
to Mr. Andrew Green (
for verification and further winning details.If you do not send your
confirmation email to Mr.Green, your winning will not be processed
Arthur Guinness Foundation.1759
And what, you might ask, could one such as I, do with such an offer? Well...when I saw ‘Guinness’, I added two and two, multiplied by 12, subtracted 11, and came up with an egg roll. Which defies mathematical probabilities, save for the fact that here, there are no probabilities only do or not do, there is no try.
Anyway, I had a *TOING* that had a forceful resonance, and remembering the recent entertainment news, well.....Mwhahaha: I turned to recent headlines from Hollyweird, that’s what:
Alec Guinness Foundation
F**k yeah!!! We have exciting news!!!
First there was Han Solo. Then Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia. They've all agreed to take one foot out of the grave to come back and reprise their roles in Star Wars VII: Return Of The Depends Jedi
Now we have MORE exciting news: You emerged lucky winner in this year's "Who Gets To Dig Up Alec Guiness and Yoda to Ask Them To Return For Star Wars VII" draws held here in the United Kingdom.
Yes, we in the UK are some sick, perverse buggers. But we have whacking great fun at it, haggis and kidney pudding aside! Kindly confirm that this email is valid by replying to this bloody rubbish to Mr. Andrew Green (email@example.com
) or call him on +447042064427for to tell him what a f**king ghoulish wanker he is for this revolting contest. Personally, some of us feel that Yoda should be left to rest in peace in Muppet Heaven. A green grumpy curmudgeon of a wielder of the Force is not to be trifled with. Your living room furniture might start flying about the room and kicking your sorry ass.
As for Ol' Ben...well, you could use Clint Eastwood..."Go ahead Dark Side...make me day!"...
Well anyway...you won something from the dubious antecedent that sent you this sh*t. Write or call him back and tell him the rest of it. If you do not send your confirmation email to Mr.Green, he won't know what you think of his sorry, fat ass.
Alec Guiness Foundation For The Lightsabering Of Dumbasses
It doesn't come as any great surprise that this edit didn't elicit a response from Mr. Green or any of the other recipients. HOWEVER...I added Mr. Green to a couple-three subsequent mailing lists for receiving subsequent edits of other choice scam emails. It took about four -- the last one being particularly graphic -- and that finally drew a heated response from Mr. Green (you can tell a heated email response 'cuz it's all in caps:
Subject: STOP ALL THIS YOUR RUBBISH..
STOP THIS CRAMP!