Soda Strange

Perhaps it is written somewhere that, how you are perceived by others, is a measure of when they think of you and what they do about it.

In my case, I'm screwed.

A former colleague of mine got herself an authentic, genuine email scam.  Yes, she did.  And soon as she read it, she thought of me.

Thankfully, not as the writer of it; April Fools ain't here yet.

At any rate, here's what she got:


> Dear,
>
> I am Kola Dare, an Attorney by profession from Republic of Togo, Senior Advocate of Togo, (S.A.T). It might interest you to know that I have a deceased client that bears the same surname with you, came to Togo in 1988 and was working with Shell Development company, Lome Togo.
>
> In 1996 Before his death, I assisted him in making a 15years fixed deposit worth $9.5M which has now Matured to USD$21M payment by the financial institution.Kindly get back to me with your required information below, if you are ready to proceed, and make sure this transaction is secret and confidential;
>
> Full name.....................
> Age.................
> Country........................
> Telephone number...................
> Profession........................
>
> I look forward to hearing from you if you are ready to proceed on this transaction.
>
> Please reply back to me on my private email id if you are interested

OR koladare@yahoo.fr
>
> Best regards,
>
> Barrister. Kola Dare.
> Senior Advocate of Togo, (S.A.T).
 
So that is how a colleague received the initial effort to give her the business. Except that she wasn’t interested in getting the business; particularly not this business.


So immediately she thought of me.


It says so much about me that when someone thinks of me....they forward me their scam emails. And that might be the nicest thing they forward me.


Yeah, I probably do know where I went wrong, and repeatedly so, but I digress...


So, what to do with an email scam the likes of this one? Wahl, lessee what I dun widdit:

　
> On Mar 17, 2013, at 1:28 PM, "Kola Dare"<>> wrote:
>
> > Dear,
> >
> > I am Kola Dare, a soft drink taste tester by profession from Republic of
> Togo, Senior Soft Drink Taste Testers of Togo, (S.S.D.T.T.oT.). It might
> interest you to know that I have once downed an entire 24 oz mug of frosty
> carbonated Camel Piss Delight in 10 seconds. I hold the record in Togo
for having done that. Yes, I do.
>
> > Do you know how hard it is to down a 24 oz frosty mug of carbonated
> Camel Piss Delight? No, of course you don't; that's why I am the official taste
> tester of Togo for crap like this.


But that is not why I am written to you today. It should be, because it's
fucking awesome, but it isn't, dammit.


> A diseased client that bears the same genital warts as my pet Peruvian
> sloth Jeremy (he'll never see what I just did there, Jules) came to Togo
> in 1988 and was working with Sand Dollar Flatulence Development
> Company, Lome Togo. After a year and a half, they went bankrupt,
> because there are no sand dollars here, and it took the dumb asshats
> that long to figure it out. Jackwagoned douche nozzles.

> >
> Anyway, before his death in 1996, my pet Peruvian sloth Jeremy (see, I did
> it again, Jules) left me a mondo mutha of a hairball that is now estimated
> to weigh 98 pounds, and be worth....uh, probably nothing, especially when
> our national currency exchange rate sucks like it do.

>
In fact, this whole email has been a colossal waste of my time and in-grown
nose hairs. That's kinda yukky to think about.


> Still, I'd appreciate you write back to me and give me the information
> below, because I'm lonely, bored, fat, fugly, and I have a chronic case of
> marsupial genital envy.

>
> Full name.....................
> > Age.................
> > Age when you first realized what a nose hair was.................
> > Age when you first tried to nosh a hairball..................
> > Age when you stopped digressing like I am....................
> > Where you live...................
> > Phone number and other sh*t like that.......................



> I look forward to hearing from you if you are ready to try me in a chugging contest with 24 oz frosty mugs of Camel Piss Delight.

>
> Please reply back to me on my private email id if you are interested
koladare303@aol.com OR koladare@yahoo.fr
>
> Best regards,
>
> Bannister. Kola Dare.
> Senior Soft Drink Taste Tester of Togo

So far, nothing from the land of email scams or righteous indignation from soft drink makers.  But the week is young....