Scam Acres

Craigslist is a wunnerful place.

To get scammed.

I've dealt with two previous scammers on Craigslist, both at the request of friends who've tried to use Craigslist to sell stuff, only to get hit upon by a scammer.

Then comes number 3, as a colleague's wife nearly got had.

A coworker of mine's wife went job hunting on, among other places, Craigslist. And almost immediately, she got a job offer that sounded like a dream.

On Craigslist.

And in short order -- after she shared a good deal of her personal information with the prospective employer, a Mr. James Peters -- she received a check via the mail, from Califorlornia, for $2230. Which she was instructed to deposit, and keep $500 of for her first week of work (something daycare-0riented).

Meantime, she was instructed by her new 'employer' to wire $1430 via Western Union to someone in Boston, MA, using the balance to do so. And, somewhat strangely she thought it, her new employer's phone number was a longer than usual one, beginning with a 44.

That's, I say son, that's a UK country code.

At any rate, she didn't put it all together, so thus dutifully did as she was told to do by her new 'employer'.

EXCEPT...

A wizened clerk at Western Union smelled out the scam before my colleague's wife made the ultimate fiscal faux pas of wiring the money.

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

Meantime, the scammer began to pepper her cell phone with text messages, and phone calls. My colleague -- to buy time -- told the scammer that his wife was away for a few days, visiting relatives. He related that the caller -- his wife's purported 'employer', and apparent scammer -- sounded foreign, almost Middle Eastern.

At any rate, he bought some time. And with the time bought, he contacted...yours truly ;-)

So -- while my colleague and his wife got things straightened out with their bank (no harm, no foul, thanks to a sharp-eyed Western Union clerk) -- I, more than happily, took over the role of his 'wife', e(fe)mail speaking.

It's a good thing neither they nor the scammer had or used a webcam, but I digress.

My third go-around with a Craigslist scammer didn't last as long, or get as funny as I might have hoped; but I accomplished the goal that has become so easy for me, what with ten years of practice.

I wrote progressively weirder emails to the scammer, to the delight of my colleague and spouse.

And it begins as I now assume the role of my colleague's wife, with the following email to the scammer, James Peters:

James, I am sorry for the confusion. I had to travel out of town on family business, and my spouse got confused by the instructions, not being totally familiar with your and my employment agreement. SO...please repeat to me exactly what I am to send where, and to whom, via Western Union, and I will attend to it as quickly as possible. I am so happy to have this opportunity you have afforded me.

The poor unsuspecting scammer doesn't notice a change, since the intended victim allowed me to use her email account to respond from:

Thanks for your message. You will deduct $500 for yourself being a week deposit and have the remainder of the $1730 sent including western union charges. Below is the information you will use to send the fund to the store via western union money transfer:

Receiver's Name: Wilson Charles

Address: 125 Summer St Ste 1910

City: Boston

Zip Code: 02110-1615

State: MA

Once you have sent the fund, you will get back to me with all the necessary transfer details. MTCN and the exact amount sent so that I can forward to the store for the immediate release of the items. It will be appreciated if you can also attach the copy of the receipt for my record purpose. I will be expecting the western union details as soon as you possible this morning.

And I reckon he was expecting the information that morning. But he didn't get it:

Great! I will attend to this after I finish milking the cows. I'm at my family's farm outside of Grand Island, Nebraska: I'm helping my father-in-law out while he has surgery for straining his ubula. It stinks here, but I love animals and helping out. And no need to text me (he was sending her multiple text messages, asking for updates); I'll email you the information as soon as I get back from Grand Island (I'm about 30 minutes from there).

And, later that evening, I began my well-played game:

Okay, Mr. Peter, the money is sent to Boston, just as you said. I'll be babysitting some pigs for a while, so if you have any questions, email me. I'll check in later.

Later ran well into the next day, which prompted a quick note from Mr. Peters, along with my failure to include the MTCN:

Let me have the MTCN and exact amount sent

Thanks

Instead, and later, this is what he received:

What MTCN do you refer to? As for the amount, it's what you said you wanted me to send, $500, just like we agreed. Sent it to Boston.

I will be out birthing pigs in the barn late tonight; any questions, email me and I'll get back to you later Friday. Thanks again for the job. It's all good.

This did NOT draw an immediate response from the scammer, so I waited a spell and threw in the following:

Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner today. I've been shearing sheep all day from sun up, and whoa mutton, what a long hot job that was. But it was woolworth it. And speaking of which, with all the skeins of yarn I'll be getting as my share, I can knit you an afghan, knitted to fit. Best of all, this afghan won't blow you up like a Taliban kind would. These are so much nicer afghans. What's your size? I'll get right on it after I help inseminate the goats. We use a turkey baster. It keeps out goats from trying to screw the ducks. That's not a pretty thing to witness.

Now, what was that about the MTCN?

One of two possibilities:

(1) it's the weekend, and he ain't got access to his internet cafe, or

(2) he's figured out that he's being counter-played

In either event, I'm content with firing another salvo:

The meter's running...order now, while there's still time to get you a custom-knitted afghan that doesn't blow up like the Taliban kind. I can only knit so fast, and the orders are pouring in. Order now, and I'll throw in, absolutely free, a Western Union MTCN number! Supplies are limited, so ORDER NOW via email! Orderbots are standing by to take your order*!

And I can still fit in day care for your spawn; they'll love slopping the chickens and plucking the alpacas. Green Acres is the place to be, farm living is the life for me! Dooba dooba.

*DISCLAIMER: this offer not valid on Craigslist, eBay, or on HSN. Void where prohibited by no internet. Your results may vary. Kids shouldn't try this at home, but it's okay at a neighbor's, long as parental supervision is hors de daycare. You should never take this email if taking a diuretic or other mucus-solidifying prescription. Possible side effects may include dry crotch, toe nail distension, ear hives, sonic boom flatulence, and pet trauma associated with the last. Afghans by Ash can be differentiated from Taliban afghans by (a) quality of knit (b) lack of bulky filler in fabric and (c) fuse attached to filler. This email, if read backwards, may spell out in Wiccan, "I snort the vibrating pickle! Devil dildos!". This weirds out most folks, so don't do that. The US Department of Knitreculture requires this DISCLAIMER.

Since this last email went out, my colleague advises me his wife has ceased receiving phone calls, text messages, and follow up emails from the scammer. If nothing further turns up by early next week, I reckon Scam Acres has moved on to less weird scammees.

Dooba dooba. Scam Acres ain't the place to be. Your results may vary.