"24" -- The Scambait Version

*This isn't the whole story from '08, but a recap of a follow up where a scammer tried to play a political scam with a professional blogger; that blogger contacted me for a tag-team on the scammer. When the scammer initially got had, he tried to play the intimidation card, followed by a card neither of us expected. If you haven't read it, enjoy it here*

I'll bet Jack Bauer's response would be a tad different from my own. You be the judge. *snort*

After my last (and coordinated) scambait, highlighted with an excellent chronology of the bait by Bob McCarty at Bob McCarty Writes, I had concluded the bait by sending our intended duper (of us), Sam Ooko, my (un)patented deer butt door bell Euro, with instructions on how he could cash it.

Early the next morning, I had two emails awaiting me. Neither from "Sam" (or perhaps they were, after a fashion, but that's for the update), thanking me for my largess; one was from a character claiming to have me under surveillance, and insisting that I follow the dictates of the other emailer, or I'd be on the FBI's Top Ten Most Wanted List for "the rest of my far right days" (the guy tried to sound like a Bill Ayers SDS surrogate).

The other was from the "dictator", who identified herself as Nancy DeMille, Attorney. Herein, read her "dictate" to ol' Skunk:

To (my alleged name):

I represent my client who thinks you have published defaming articles on the internet specifically on BobMcCartyWrites and on your Skunkfeathers blog and which besmirch his reputation. Will you remove the said articles or you suffer the repercussions of your stupidity. And we are watching from the corner of (a street alleged to be nearby where I reside), so don't ever try to play smart.

It may not be well known to the American public what you do with your Project Vote Smart, but we shall sure get to spread the word (where were you bozos when I was running that parody and NEEDED the word spread? Eh...).

You have 24 hours to comply.

Nancy DeMille

Attorney

Fancy that..."Sam" got hisself the "Gloria Allred" of Scamland to represent hisself, and copied this email to Bob McCarty as well. Kewl. Bob suggested we'd probably be a 'hit' with the folks in Nairobi over this. He musta knowd somepin...

I can't speak for Bob on what, if anything, he'll do with his email. And as a God-fearin', tax-payin', registered-votin', law-abidin' citizen of this h'yar USofA, I think y'all know of my great respect and reverence for the rule of law.

Fortunately -- for readers of this blog -- ol' Skunk isn't quite so reverent:

Yo, Legal Wench,

As party of the second part in this email of dubious antecedence and laughable prodigy, I am gratified to receive the attentions and solicitations of a member of a bar and grill that represents the party of the first part, whom you have left nameless as his predecessor probably did, but that's of miniscule consequence to the more pressing issues at hand, in so far as herein there are, in fact, legal matters pressing any appendage, per se. We both know who it is you purport to represent this Halloween.

I will not presume to speak for the party of the third part, or parties to be held honoring the various and sundry constumed of the the holiday near upon; let me just say to you in the language of legalese -- as an attorney, I have no doubt you can fathom the gist of this -- enum no quista parabellum ante och phoo nortrea ack phooey. That's Latin, as I'm sure you recognize, and it spells out in depositional transitory ad hoc enum nausea, the renumerated response hereby made by the party of the second part, to the accredited in some fashion reptile hissing for the party of the first part, a nameless entity of aforementioned dubious antecedence with odious ties to violated small furry mammals.

Let it be announced herein as subject to the dictates of Legal Precepts From Beyond The Outhouse (Randomover And Pressed Publishing Co., Pahrump, NV, USA), Section IV, paragraph 31, subsection aa, wherein it states in part "if a sheep is a ram, and a donkey is an ass, why is a ram in the ass a goose?". This will have to be definitively established as prima facie rib non sequitur bubi before actionable torts of the creme-filled kind can proceed with alacrity and dyspepsia.

And since you are watching, you know what I just did out the window at you, don't you? Of course you do. The moon ain't over just Miami, bubi.

At the conclusion of the chronological time frame annotated by the diseased mouthpiece for party of the first part -- you really should have worn protection at that wildebeest party during the rut season, you savage, you -- you shall have a response in keeping with the deservance of your initial pleadings, and measuring down fully to that which you are a step below, evolutionarily. More or less.

I be Skunkfeathers, and I approve of massage.

A less dignified response went out to Nancy DeMille's chum, John Smythe, who wrote shortly after Regretta Van Cesspool; and among his other threats, he included that I would be on the FBI's Most Wanted List of pedophiles!

Two future leading lights of the socialist legal community, I have no doubt (if they are two, three, or just one).

At any rate, with my responses to their respective 'warnings' now in their slimey little hands, I eagerly await a response, if any, from Attilette the Hen or her outhouse troll. All the same person as "Sam", perhaps.

*And a little later*

You were wrong, Bob: the fun ain't over yet...

UPDATE......UPDATE......UPDATE....UPDATE....UPDATE...UPDATE...UPDATE!!!!!

By later that same morning -- after I had sent my replies and subsequent taunts, and Bob had continued to spread the word to various and sundry news organizations -- we both received the following email from "Sam"..."Nancy"..."John"....this time, under the initials "DK":

Dear Bob and (me):

Gentlemen, you win. You surely got me 10-nil, lying down. But this was a case of stolen identity. The poor guy, Sam, of course could not have used his real names, and provided his employer's details if this was really intended as a scam? You see, as a journalist, his works are on the internet so it was easy to pick him out, he doesn't even normally use this email addy.

Actually, I am based in the US, you will note I used an internet phone to call you so you couldn't exactly track where I was. There is no way a Kenyan folk in Kenya could have had such an in-depth knowledge of US based pro-McCain/GOP sites and whom to contact (that sells a whole lot of internet-savvy Kenyans short, but I digress). His was such a game coz he writes for a US blog, is based in Kenya, supposedly something that was alluring to potential media in the US where I hoped to sell the story. But I knew you wouldn't call, it was such a big gamble on my part and I was right.

I was to use a contact in Nairobi to present Sam's fake ID to cash the money, but you were ahead of our game, sir. Bob, your man (my name) was real good (yeah, well...y'know...*wink*).

Can I apologize? I am sorry. But it is unfair that the guy's name still remains on your blog sites, and has now been picked by NewPublic and Newsbusters.org.

DK

Maybe, perhaps...or not.

But I did bother with a last reply:

"DK",

Perhaps there's some truth to what you write. Perhaps not. I've been dealing with and baiting online scammers for 8 years, fella. You never had a chance when Bob contacted me. You were in over your head with Bob. And actually, any Kenyan with access to an internet cafe can pretty much know what's going on in the US or anywhere their education takes them. So that argument is a nonstarter.

But I will publish your "confession" in conclusion of this; if "Sam" is innocent, it will be out there on the 'Net. Bob will handle it his way (you can see how Bob handled it HERE).

So much for the parallel to 24. But "DK" et al, should be happy it's me and Bob they took on; a real "Jack Bauer" is reputed to be a whole lot less forgiving...

*post blog note: the scammer 'DK' didn't take well to our not removing the columns from our respective blogs; he posted an attack blog in November '08 that was meant to demean and insult both Bob and myself. Amusingly, his use of it was short-lived, as his introduction of it made not a difference with either of us; we left our blog columns on the episode posted. We're so mean-spirited that way ;-) *