Another Email Scam -- "You Bastards!"

*Okay, things are a bit hectic right now, so I forward one more scambait 'classic' from 2007; I will get something new up here soon, really*

Note: for those of you easily offended by the *b* word -- no, the other *b* word -- skip this post. If you're an email scammer, consider this mandatory reading.

I just don't understand some email scammers sometimes. Well okay, most times. They send you out their scam of the moment; you reply in a manure that assures them that you're not going to be the dumb-as-a-tree-stump they need for their scam to work.

And they just won't let it go.

I received yet another of those "Your Email Has Won!" from persons purporting themselves to represent Microsoft/Staatloterij International, whatever the cowflop that is (Dutch, perhaps?). The email header directed me to "Call Mikel Van Beeker", and went into a couple million reasons -- every mother's son and daughter of them bogus -- why I needed to get in touch with this Mr. Van Beeker ASAP (mikelvanbeeker@myway.com).

Well, I did. I just suppose not in the manure that Mr. Van Beeker expected or appreciated:

And, pray tell, just WHAT should I call Mikel Van Beeker? A bastard? A silly bastard? A stupid bastard? A silly stupid bastard? A fumduckin' silly stupid bastard? I am open to suggestions here if you have something more innovative. If not, I'm comfortable with the aforementioned label being accurately and liberally applied to your fumducking silly stupid bastages.

I mean, this whole email lotto scam bullshevik is cooked up by a bunch of fumducking silly stupid bastards seeking only to find fumducking sillier stupider bastards to finagle out of money. I know it, you know it, your fumducking silly stupid bastard handlers know it.

So we have it established that I know what you're up to, and you know I know what you're up to. And you know that I know that you're a bunch of fumducking silly stupid bastards. And if you bother to forward this email accordingly, your handlers will know that I know that you and they are a bunch of fumducking silly stupid bastards.

I suppose that even you aren't so fumducking dense as to realize the common thread that ties this whole email response together: that you're fumducking silly stupid bastards, and that I know you're fumducking silly stupid bastards, and that you know that I know that you're fumducking silly stupid bastards, and now we all know that I know that you know that you're all fumducking silly stupid bastards. I'll bet there's little doubt that your wives and the mistresses you cheat on them with know that you're fumducking silly stupid bastards; which logically suggests that your spawn know you to be fumducking silly stupid bastards, and perhaps they'll one day live down to your level of fumducking silly stupid bastardom with a little fumducking silly stupid bastard coaching from you. I'm sure even your pets know that you're fumducking silly stupid bastards, but probably don't care so's long as they get fed and their ass scratched by their fumducking silly stupid bastard owners regularly.

So now that we're all agreed that you're fumducking silly stupid bastards pushing a fumducking silly stupid bastard scam, that leaves little else for me to say, save for me to wish you fumducking silly stupid bastards a fumducking silly stupid bastard day.

Sincerely,

Me

aka an expert on fumducking silly stupid bastard scam detection

Yep, anyone else would have just written off my email address and let it go; but not this fumducking silly stupid bastard:

HAVE YOU FINISHED?

MIKEL

I guess not:

Well, Mikel, that's up to your fumducking silly stupid bastard self; personally, I could go on for pages and pages about your fumducking silly stupid bastard self and your fumducking silly stupid bastard associates and your fumducking silly stupid bastard handlers and your fumducking silly stupid bastard scam and your fumducking silly stupid bastard family and your fumducking silly stupid bastard dubious antecedence.

If, of course, your fumducking silly stupid bastard self would like me to.

Apparently not, though he was stupid enough to not let silence be his answer:

THAT'S ENOUGH JUST GO F**K YOURSELF.

With proof that he'd lost the argument, I sent back a rejection of his kind suggestion:

Well, Mikel, it is obvious your fumducking silly stupid bastard education stopped well short of fumducking silly stupid bastard usefulness, and you missed a few pointers in basic Biology, but that's your fumducking silly stupid bastard problem, it appears. Though, perhaps in your fumducking silly stupid bastard case, it's well that you don't fumducking silly stupid bastard procreate, elsewise you might breed a future generation of fumducking silly stupid bastards too ignorant to function legitimately, leaving them to emulate your fumducking silly stupid bastard ways.

But let it not be said that I didn't wish for you to have a right fine fumducking silly stupid bastard of a life, Mikel. And when you're eventually in a fumducking silly stupid bastard of a Dutch prison, I probably don't have to warn you about picking up the bar of fumducking silly stupid bastard soap in front of fumducking silly stupid bastard Bubba, who thinks you're more fumducking silly stupid bastard cute than I've found you to be in this fumducking silly stupid bastard of an exchange.

And that should have ended that. It didn't yet:

what is wrong with you?

Lots of folks would like to have the answer to that:

Not a fumducking silly stupid bastard of a thing is wrong with me, Mikel. What the fumducking silly stupid bastard is wrong with you? Who is the one designated to determine that something IS fumducking silly stupid bastard wrong with anyone or anything, Mikel? If you think it's a fumducking silly stupid bastard like your fumducking silly stupid bastard self, by all means, send me your fumducking silly stupid bastard credentials. Prove to me you're the designated determiner of fumducking silly stupid bastard wrongity.

Go ahead...make my fumducking silly stupid bastard day, you fumducking silly stupid bastard.

That finally did it; no more fumducking silly stupid bastard replies from Mikel.

*Whew*...and was I glad. I was getting real tired of writing fumducking silly stupid bastard, over and over...