(What) William Tell...

Some folks are ready for a call at any time, and in any place.

Some folks, ain't.

Earlier this summer, you recall I had a round with a scammer purporting to be a US Secret Service agent, Hector Graig (The Wild Wild...East? and three part You Ain't That Secret), and his Ohio-based accomplice, William O.

You'll remember how I had some fun with William, by sending him an inauthentic-looking 'certified check' via USPS.

He and his chums weren't amused.

And while I was able to play with them a bit more -- before they finally quit threatening me and stopped responding to my email taunts -- I found a use for them one more time. At least.

I hope William enjoyed it. From what I gathered from (allegedly) Burkina Faso-based scammer Mikel Luga, William didn't.

Here's a synopsis of Luga's opening gambit:

FROM THE DESK OF MR MIKEL LUGA

AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER

OCEANIC BANK (PLC) OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO

CONFIDENTIAL TRUST BUSINESS DEAL

i KNEW THIS MESSAGE WILL COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE. I AM THE AUDITING MANAGER IN OCEANIC BANK. I HOPED THAT YOU WILL NOT EXPOSE OR BETRAY THIS TRUST AND CONFIDENT THAT I AM ABOUT TO IMPOSE ON YOU FOR THE MUTUAL BENEFIT OF OUR FAMILYS. I NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANT IN TRANSFERRING THE SUM OF USD $37.6 MILLION DOLLARS TO YOUR ACCOUNT WITHIN 7 BANKING DAYS...

Yada, yada, yada.

On this occasion, I didn't reply using any character name; I just sent back a quick Oh hell, why not? I've got nuthin' better to do. Go ahead, gimme da business.

A couple days later -- Mikel musta had a good email turnout -- he sent me one of the usual applications to start the process, requesting my name, full address, occupation, position in my place of work, personal telephone number, age, a secure email address, and finally, a copy of my "paspot" (his spelling).

My character Jack N. Ewehoff, doesn't have a paspot; but my character U. R. Phulovit does ;-)

It was then that one of those ear-splitting *TOING*s reverberated through the canyon betwixt my ears.

I remembered that alleged Secret Service agent Hector Graig sent me *his* paspot as proof of who he claimed he wuz; but also that his friend, William -- recipient of that luverly *certified check* -- sent me a photo ID of his, too.

*Jeopardy theme music, whilst I ponder my options*

So I sent back to Mikel Luga the requested information...as if I were William. Including my phone number. And these specific instructions:

Please make careful note that the email address I am writing to you from, is my work email, and it is NOT secure to continue this correspondence from. Please use this email address for all secure communications (it was the one used by Hector/William).

Then came the creme de la creme: I would reckon that some telephone communications are necessary to set the table for our business relationship. Since I work late afternoons in my job (as a turkey inseminator for a poltroon farm in Ohio), it is necessary that you call me between midnight and 3am. To allow me to know it is you calling, please call once, let the phone ring three times, then hang up, and call back immediately.

Of course, I had included the required phone number (of my former scammer), for snorts and guffaws.

The next day, I had this email from my aggrieved business partner, Mikel Luga:

I DO AS YOU ASK WHY YOU RUDE AND SAY BAD THINGS AND HANG UP? THIS IS NOT GAME. ARE YOU MY PARTNER OR NOT?

When I got done chuckling, I provided this:

I was going to ask the same thing, fella: I sat up from midnight until 0330 -- I gave you an extra half hour -- and you never called. If that is your story, then it is obvious to me that you dailed the wrong number. SO...tonight...because I am off to work...try it again. This time, call me at my home number between 1:30am and 3:30am. Call once (and I repeated the number for his benefit) and let it ring three times, hang up, and then call back immediately. I will be there and ready for your call.

Could I be so lucky as to have one scammer call and wake up another scammer in the wee hours, two mornings running?

Three days ago, I got my answer to that from Mikel:

ASSHOLE.

From the viewpoint of Mikel Luga and William, I simply have to agree with that. ;-)