The Phartful Scamster

*And yet another of my online job "offer" scambaits from early 2007*

I recently received anuddah one of those online "job offers" to give me the business, from anuddah one of those "artful" scamsters.

*Yawn*.

She -- Deborah Birdsong (debsong1975@yahoo.co.nz), alleged artist/dealer from New Zealand and living in London, UK, as alleged wife of David Birdsong -- sent me the exact same scam letter, syllable for syllable, as Dan Djurvic from The Artful Scamster, a previous series run herein (I think late '05 into early '06).

In the Dervic version (or however he spelled his faux name), I 'agreed' to his terms, only to start

'upping' my agreed-to percentage in subsequent emails, until he finally gave up on me.

With Birdsong, it's so 'been there, done that'.

Instead, I thought a counter-offer was called for. So I re-wrote her plagiarized letter (ala Joe Biden), and sent it back to see if she would be as willing to reach out to my offer, as she seemed to hope I would be for hers:

Dear Friend,

Dubious day to you. My name is Ukulele Ungabunga, and I am an artist with my wife Paris 'The Vacuous' Motelzix, co-owners of Ukulele's Phart World. I'm originally from Liechtenstein, but presently base in West Vaduz, Liechtenstein, which is across the tracks from East Vaduz, Liechtenstein, and a whole lot classier.

My wife is far too vain and pithy to have kids, so we have one adopted wildebeest, meerkat herd, seven dogs, a dozen cats, a trained botanist for the poison ivy grove, and several hundred hamsters we use to power our home-made generator. It is definitely a full and occasionally dark house when the hamsters get leg cramps.

My chosen phartistic vocation has been phartwork, which I have partaken of since my very youth, giving me nearly 50 years of practical application experience now. I have a pHd in phartology through the University of Flatupus in Ackland, New Zealand. Most of my work is done in abstract concepts like SBD, low tank rumble audio, frenetic music video (the Classical Gas series), and I'm working up a gawdcast on the computer, once I clear a phew hurdles with the UN and American HAZMAT officials.

I've been selling my pharts for the last three years and have found a particularly lucrative market in the UK, where my pharts do a bang(er)-up job. But -- just as you -- I have experienced problems with PAYMENTS, since in the UK they carry out so many transactions with Empire Express Travellers Cheques using British Pound Sterling, and here in Liechtenstein it is most difficult to function with Pound Sterling, when we are ensconced in a sea of rather useless Euros.

So, your offer to give me the business comes as a great opportunity for me to return you the favor with a counterproposal that definitely, I assure you, passes the business smell test: I need you to help me cash my BPS and wire the cash in converted Euros to us in Liechtenstein.

We have a lot of phart-loving customers in the UK who would be forever in your debt with this assistance, and to show you my level of gratitude with your acceptance of the counterdig, I will offer you not 10% commission on each phart sale currency conversion, but 25%. Yes, that's whatever it is in Euros converted back to BPS -- 25% of it -- for every sale of a Ungabunga Phart Original sold. Try to find that in stores or at Amazon.com.

You won't.

And if you hurry and call our operators who are standing by now (I think they have piles, which makes standing a touch more comfy, sorta), I will throw in, at no cost to you, a free and one-of-a-kind* Ungabunga Phart Original, made just for you for your kind acceptance of this counterdig.

That's one helluva deal that most of my UK customers would kill to have the opportunity for.

Upon receiving your anticipated acceptance email, I will instruct you on what specific information you must provide me to make the Phart of the century happen for you and yours.

I thank you for your support.

Sincerely**,

Ukulele Ungabunga, Phartist and CEO

Ukulele's PHART WORLD

Vaduz, Liechtenstein

(a now defunct email address)

After receiving such a generous counteroffer, you'd a thought Deborah Birdbrain would have jumped at the opportunity for such reciprocity.

Well, I apparently left her speech and syntaxless; her email response was my email, with no reply.

Phfffffffft. No go. And I so wanted her to have that Ungabunga Phart Original, too.

* kind of one-of-a-kind for the moment and menu, but I digress...

** Not really