You Ain't THAT Secret...(aka, Part II)

US Secret Service agent Hector Graig is a curious sort. When I demanded he send me a picture of him, holding up a sign with my 'name' on it, he responded by sending me the picture at the right (degraded, but not enough that I couldn't read a good deal of it), telling me that this was all I would get right now.

Then he follows it up with this completely ludicrous email:

There is some orders you can not give us. you are to follow our instructs to recieve fund for you to whom whom you are deal with. This I send you is all you intitle to.

My picture is privacy protect. you hear of bill of rights okay?

He's killin' me h'yar, he really is. So I keep it simple for him:

This is NOT what the f*** I requested. HELLOOOO????? Is there intelligent life out there?

That response was not well received:

That is officially what a client is require to have you cant not ask me to send my photo to you, for what? it is suppose be a private belonging? why must you request for that? who are you to order me to take my photo for you?

Who am I?? I am Jack N. Ewehoff. That's who I am. I would remind you, Sup Hector Graig Grimes, that it was you who contacted me in Jenny Maria Moore's email address, to lay all this deal on me, and not the other way around. That's how I come off wanting your bona fides. You, as a Secret Service operative, KNOW the problems in the world today with identity theft, scams, etc. SH**, you started this deal off by telling me about the folks you arrested!!!

A US Secret Service agent is REQUIRED BY LAW to provide ID when asked for it by a person the agent has approached. Of course, I'm not telling you anything that you don't know.

At any rate, without your authenticated picture, how the fuck am I supposed to know it's you I'm meeting, when I get off the f***ing plane at Dayton Airport next Monday, eh? F***ing explain that one to me, bub. Do you think I'm going to turn over $2050 in cash to just ANY schlep?

I ask you again: send me your photo, holding a sign with my name on it. ONLY THEN can I know what you look like and that you will be authentic when you pick me up at the airport, and I will know that it's you when I see you after I get off the plane. Yeah, I know that $3.6 million is a lot of money in exchange for a measly $2050, but right now, $2050 is a lot of money to me.

So, how's bout it?

Graig/Grimes ignores my last, and simply responds to one point therein:

SO ARE YOU COME ON MONDAY. DO WE PICK YOU UP OR YOU COME DIRECTY TO OUR OFFICE ADDRESS PROVIDED? LET US KNOW.

The "office address" provided, incidentally -- 1200 Central Avenue, Hamilton Ohio -- is the home of a steel manufacturing/products facility, NOT the offices of the US Secret Service/World Bank. Which I am sure would amuse the owner of the facility, in case he gets folks showing up, looking for either of the other. UNLESS, because it IS the US Secret Service, after all, they would keep their store front "secret", right?

;-)

Anyway, back to my ploy to get "the photo":

You still haven't sent me the picture bona fides that would ease my f***ing mind about this. A picture of you holding a sign with my name would make this a whole lot less f***ing stressful. As for Monday, that's not confirmed yet. I am waiting for your affirmation. If Monday doesn't work, I'll look at later in the week. But there IS no privacy issue here; I want to see who it is I am to look for when I arrive. I don't want to carry that kind of money just ANYWHERE, right?

Get back to me with some positives, so we can f***ing move forward.

He's still holding out for NOT sending me the photo:

Sir all is set for now. you are looking for face and not body. that is enough as far as i an concern. i am not photografer and can not look for one. As i said early i'll be at airport to receive you or if you want to come directly to my office fine.

There is nothing be afraid of here because evertyhing are high legal and i am not afraid of anything. i am US Secret Service. what more guarantee is greater than this? as you can see we are not asking you to send money throug Western Union which may may you suspise illegalty.

What time is your flight?

I really do have to stop laughing my ass off at this yutz while trying to reply...but I can't.

Since I'm going to f***ing meet you at the airport in Dayton, I still want a picture of you holding a sign with my name, so I can know it's you and that you are authentic. All you need for that is a digital camera and someone to take the picture and download it so you can email it to me. It's easy. Make sure my name is on the sign you hold, so I will know it is you without question.

I will book my flight when I receive it.

He's still trying to ignore that part:

Sir, trans air or spirit air are cheapest to Dayton. Update me with full data once you buy the ticket so I can know exactly when to be at the airport to recieve you.

Still not letting him off the hook:

I will look into those two airlines. BUT FIRST...send me the picture of you holding a readable sign with my name on it, and THEN, with me comfortable with your bona fides, I'll book my flight and send you the information. First the picture; then the flight reservations. Them's my terms.

Jack

My persistence on that picture is starting to get to this US Secret Service agent of dubious antecedence:

you are picture obsess! just follow instructs to travel to Dayton! you know me when I meet you there! now when you fly here?

When I GET THE PICTURE OF YOU HOLDING UP A SIGN WITH MY F***ING NAME ON IT! ARE YOU DUMB AS A DOORKNOB???

The answer to that will come in the concluding Part III.