Swiss Swing 'n A Miss

Now THAT'S a Swiss Miss.

She'd heat up any chocolate.

Not so much what one of my recent emailers had in mind, however. 

No, Jose Luis Echeverri was a tad more nefarious in his intentions.

Okay, WAY more.

Read a tad of what the schmuck sent me:


My name is Jose Luis Echeverri,and my late father was a member of   Independent Committee of Eminent Persons (ICEP),Switzerland. ICEP is   charged with the responsibility of finding bank accounts in   Switzerland belonging to non-Swiss indigents, which have remained   dormant since World War II It may interest you to know that In July of 
1997,the Swiss Banker's association published a list of dormant 
accounts originally opened by non-Swiss citizens.I got your email 
address randomly from a website listing,After careful search on the 
Internet data banks for a person of caliber and pedigree and 
upstanding repute,i settled for you.These accounts had been dormant 
since the end of World War II (May 9, 1945). Most belonged to 
Holocaust victims.The continuing efforts of the Independent Committee 
of Eminent Persons (ICEP) have since resulted in the discovery of 
additional dormant accounts - 54,000 in December, 1999.The published 
lists contain all types of dormant accounts, including 
interest-bearing savings accounts,securities accounts, safe deposit 
boxes, custody accounts, and non-interest-bearing transaction 
accounts.Numbered accounts are also included.Interest is paid on 
accounts that were interest bearing when established.  


It goes on for a few more turgid paragraphs basically hinting how I can have 40% of one of these accounts by agreeing to help him out.

Sounds like one of our US-based democraps in Congress or Hollyweird:  they gotta have their hands all over something.  Or someone.

Well, this email literally SCREAMED for an edit, one worthy of the subject material.  One my pet rock, Seymour, was more than happy to concoct:

From: Jose Luis Echeverri <joselechwrites@outlook.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 28, 2017 11:05 PM
To: Judith Dengler
Subject: Please send a bodily appendage that looks like me please oh please oh PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEASE!

 

My name is Josie Linguini Echeverri...or it could be Judith Dengler. WTF does it matter who and what I am? I'm here for crap salad business, not objectification.

My late white male manspreading misogynist father was a member of Irresponsible Committee of Egomaniacal Persons (ICEP), the Switzerland branch of the original ICEP in the DNC located in the Clinton-owned, Obola-wrecked Democrap Party. ICEP is charged with a shitload of assorted high crimes and misdemeanors, usually in association with their close coordination with and by the Clinton Global Crimedation.

 In a somewhat unrelated aside, the ICEP investigates people that have remained dormant since World War II on accounta cuz they're daid. How it was they came to be daid is up for assorted speculations – the war that was in the news at the time mighta had sumpin to do widdit – but they be daid and therefore have kinda had dormancy forced upon them as a result.


I'm eunuchversity edumacated – Berkeley -- so I can figger such stuff out between being triggered and sucking my thumb in a safe room with cupcakes and puppy videos.

It may interest you to know that in July of 1997, there were 31 days on the calendar.


Product of a pricey edumacation, that was.

I got your email address randomly from inside a stall in a public rest room in Height-Ash bury, listing you as someone who violates penguins at New Years Eve parties. After careful search on the Internet data banks for a person lower than you in the snake-spit department of integrity and non-ethics, I found only Democrats in Hollywood and Congress of your sub-caliber and pedigree and contemptible repute, so I settled for you. Al Franken's too ugly to contemplate.

 

Anyway, the continuing efforts of the ICEP – which ran out of funding in 1998 and continues on through Clinton Crimedation grants – have since resulted in the discovery of additional douche nozzles in the Democrat Party and Hollywood – 54,000 in December, 2017, alone. The not yet published lists contain all types of Democrap douche canoes, including lamestream mediocres at cnn and pmsnbc.

Due to the sensitive nature, I need a louver that won't drive me crazy. I need a louver that won't drive me mad.  I don't know what made me write that, but my spell checker was apparently programmed by a Pat Benatar fan.


Anyway, I need YOU to hide these lists of dubiously antecedent and perverse democraps until the 2018 elections are over. Otherwise, I might be blamed for Wiki leaks getting a hold of this sh*t and more democraps winding up on the Hellary Clinton pile of defeated disreputables that should have been up 50 points in the polls between their ears and likely no where else.


Haiti doesn't want several dozens of shipping containers loaded with Onward Together t-shirts from more losing democrap crimepaigns.

All that is required is for you to do is find a good, out-of-the-way warehouse or outhouse to store all this evidence of democrap chicanery in until after 2018. Then again, until after 2020.


F**kstick, it may have to be in perpetuity. That's how bad democraps have become.
 

 
Provide me with your full name, address, and telephone. I might need to hijack your identity before this sh*t storm is over.


Please suspend all disbelief when I tell you that THERE IS NO RISK INVOLVED. The ICEP has already appropriated new identities and witness protection-rated locations to hide out at when this eventually leaks out.


If you help us, you won't get one of those...but we will happily throw you under the bus while we're in hiding.


Pardon me if this is against your morals and integrity, but I'm a democrap and don't have time for any of that kind of nonsense on your part. Help me out and I won't have a bunch of George Soros-paid eunuchversity nincompoops falsely accuse you of something.

If you know what's good for you, write back to me on joselechwrites@outlook.com

Thank you for any response (not too many people are buying this schtick).
Josie Linguini Echeverri  


I'm pleased to say that Jose wanted no further repartee with my character or pet rock.

But I'm sure there's a few more triggered cupcakes calling 911...