Skunkfeathers: Nigeria Ain't Safe To Fly In

They really don't know how to fly in Nigeria, at least as it appears in Scam Land.

But they are trying to find a way to match up airplane accidents to COVID, at least sorta.

Check out this email from one such scammer trying to make the connection (and arriving at their gate late):

I am Mrs. JULIA FLANAGAN, Personal assistant to my late husband the CEO of Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC). My husband Dr. BRIAN FLANAGAN died months ago in a plane crash that is related to the COVID19 pandemic. As a result of his sudden death his business associates are trying to rip me off my late husband's assets and heirlooms which he had left for me before his painful demise.

On this note, I wish to have a deal with you regarding our family heirlooms and huge funds deposit, which l do not want my late husband's associates to know about. As it is my duty to recommend the transfer of this deposit funds to any foreign contractors or investor, I have the opportunity and onus to write you based on the urgency to transfer these funds making you eligible to receive this funds also.

l ready and willing to divulge more information to you upon your positive response.

Please let me know your thoughts .
Yours faithfully,
Mrs. JULIA FLANAGAN.

I have seen lots of badly-written scam templates in my time...but this one made me laugh out loud. Woke my two pet rocks from sound naps, I did.

There wasn't much to work with here for an edit -- and the pet rocks were eager to return to their naps -- so I just responded to Ms Flim-Flamigan in a manure I was sure would leave her in WTFdom:

Ma'am:

I am terribly void of sorrow for the plight for which you have written to me about this day.

I never seem to hear about very good outcomes when it comes to commercial air travel in Nigeria.

In fact, Nigeria seems to be the 'Bermuda Octogon' of air travel.

Now you claim that COVID is contributing to the negative gravitation farces that seem to make air travel in Nigeria even more hazardless than normal.

This would be distressing indeed, were I to contemplate air travel in your haphazard neck of the woods.

Fortunately, my current calendar of events -- real and imagined -- does not have a penciled-in trip to or from Nigeria in my immediate timeline.

It does further sound to me like, as regards your famdamily, that you chose poorly when marrying into such a motley collection of abject "act like democraps in America" types.

You might have done much better to have married a tree stump in an environmentally-correct forest outside of Portland, OR.

Or maybe not...them folks there are loonier than anything your template creators can conjure up.

And I can assure you that having added COVID to your plane crash template is about as believable as Joe Bidumb getting 81 million votes.

So allow me to offer you a few suggestions, since that's the extent of what you'll gain from h'yar:

1. Make your templates more believable by replacing the oft-used plane crash with an wildebeest stampede and stompfest.

2. Omit any mention of 'COVID' and replace it with 'Painful Rectal Itch'..

3. Marry more wisely in the future..

4. Get a better proofreader..

5. And send all of your untested templates to the Democrap National Committee in Washington, DC...if they adopt your template, try again. They're morons.