A Viral Seed

No, this won't be near as entertaining as watching Mr. Rorke and Cap'n Kirk square off over space seeds.

But it do involve seeds...kinda.

A scammer decides that he wants my character to be his US based distributor of some kind of herbal seeds he claims cures COVID.

Perhaps I should believe him, as he's probably been censored on Twerper and Fecesbook for making such a claim.

Meh.

Here's his ploy:

Greetings,

Following your silence to my first letter, I have chosen to contact you again. I am the Quality Control Personnel at NacomHerbs Laboratory, a leading Bio Pharmaceutical Company in United State America. I'm looking for a reliable businessman/individual in your region to partner with me to execute a rare business opportunity. My company is currently in need of a Herbal seed used in the production of a medicament that has shown early
positive signs in the treatment of COVID-19 and some other life-threatening diseases.

We are yet to locate a seller/supplier of these seeds. During my last trip to Southern Africa, I met a farmer that specialises in rare seeds. I have recently reached out to him to confirm the product’s availability at a very cheap rate. He sells each packet at $240.00 (R4,000) whereas my company is willing to pay up to $1,000.00 (R17,000) for each packet, judging by the internal memo circulated last week. I know that this may not be your area of specialization but it will be a huge income generating business. This product is rare and is found in just 3 countries in the World.

Now THIS IS MY PROPOSAL TO YOU; I want to introduce you to my Company as a new supplier of this product (Herbal Seeds). You will get the products from the supplier and sell it to my company at 4 or 5 times the price. My company will always pay 60% of all purchases upfront and you will not be required to make any supplies without first receiving the part-payment.

I will also introduce you to the local supplier in your area if you are willing to be part of this. I will guide you every step of the way and propose that you keep 70% of the profit and give me 30%. I will have my lawyer draw up a memorandum of understanding/partnership contract between you and for this transaction if you are interested.

I will give you more specific product details when I receive a reply from you. If you are indisposed to do this business or if my proposal does not appeal to you, you may introduce me to someone else that might be interested in your area.

Get back to me at: roots@orange.sn

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Weber Gray
Quality Control Personnel

Note that he claims that he's contacted me before, but I didn't respond.

I probably did...not nicely.  But I digress.

At any rate, I didn't respond this time...I left that to my 'editing gone wild' pet rock Seymour:

From: Mr. Anthony 'Carlos Danger' Weiner <alex.tonyy2019@gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, September 2, 2021 3:21 PM
Subject: I am the Quality Control Walrus at NitwitHerbs Laboratory 

 

Greetings,

Following your astonished incredulity to my first letter, I have chosen to contact you
again because my handlers demand it so. I am the Quality Control Walrus at NitwitHerbs Laboratory, a yellow submarineish structure in an octopus's garden in the Bronx.

I'm looking for 'woke' -- aka, incredibly gullible and stupid -- individual in your region to partner with me to execute a rare business opportunity.

Our manure of execution is not as yet settled upon, but the rare business opportunity, I can assure you, deserves execution forth or even fifthwith.

 My company is currently in need of a viral seed capable of creating a new virulent and credibility-suspending variant in the COVID 19 fraud being perpetrated by Big Pharma, Dr. Frankenstein Fauxci, the cdc, dnc and cnn for the purposes of continuing to totally buttf**k the USA and world at large with false narratives and pathetic quests for power by pieces of abject sh*t like George Soros, Bill Gates and Twinky the Giant Wonder Marshmallow.

We are yet to locate a sufficient number of ignorant 'wokes', but after looking at places like Portland, NYC, the DNC hindquarters and other such centers of leftist idiocy, we feel some confidence that we're looking in the right place.  During my last trip to Southern Africa, I met a farmer that specializes in rare sex acts with inflatable maligNANCY Pelosi dolls, and I was suitably horrified.

I have recently reached out to him to confirm the rarity of these acts, and have found that they are not so rare in leftist bastions around the USA, France, Bali and Burundi at very cheap rates. He sells each life-sized inflatable at $24.00 (R400) whereas my company is willing to pay up to $ 25.00 (R 450) for each frightful-looking inflatable, judging by the internal memo circulated last week.

I know that this may not be your area of perverse interest, but I can assure you that you'll never receive a stranger offer like this anywhere, other than from Nigeria. This product is rare and is found in just 4 countries in the World, though I understand that a licensing agreement to open a franchise is being pursued on Uranus.

Now THIS IS MY PROPOSAL TO YOU; I want to introduce you to my Company as a
abject knucklehead who will attempt to get 'wokes' and wanton perverts with the

taste of Boone's Farm blue wine to sell this useless product far and wide.

You will get the products from Antifa morons working out of their parent's basements and garages and sell it to anyone dumb enough to buy them at 4 or 5 times the price. My company will always collect 90% of all purchases upfront and you will not be required to make any supplies without first receiving the part-payment.

I will also quietly forward your name to the FBI as a Trump supporter, so they can

have you psychologically profiled.

If you were a Bidumb supporter, I wouldn't be talking to you because you'd be a corpse in a cemetery, since they're the only entities dumb enough to vote for that nincompoop.

I will guide you every step of the way and propose that you keep 10% of the profit. I will have my cheeseball of a lawyer draw up a memorandumb of misunderstanding between you and for this totally bogus deal, whether or not you are interested.

I will give you more elaborately specious details when I receive a reply from
you. 

Get back to me at: roots@orange.sn

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Anthony 'Carlos Danger' Weiner
Quality Control Walrus at NitwitHerbs Laboratory 

While Seymour heard no more from the originating scammer, we expect to hear about yet another made-up 'variant' from the centers for demo crap that Element will probably blame on Seymour.

"Will NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"