Scam Hacker Goes Italian

Another scammer tries the ATM blank hacker card ploy.

Inspector...Chief Inspector Clouseau would have called it as such.  But not before or immediately afterward having walked his junk into a fan or some other such gaffe.

In some ways, he must have been related to Joe Bidumb.  And I digress.

Yes, I got another scam ATM card offer from yet another alleged hacker, and via a 'satisfied customer' testimonial:


My name is Theodore Leah, I'm from Rome, Italy; I'm here to testify about the blank Mr. Heinze ATM hacker card. Before I was very poor and had no job. Food was a problem for me and my family. The creditors filed legal cases against me because I still had to pay the debts I owed them; I tried my best to collect loans from different banks, but it was all in vain. It was so bad that they sent me to pack from the house where I stay; My family and I had to find a shelter to live in the streets of Rome. I've already had many testimonials about how Harry sent them the blank ATM card and used it to collect money at any ATM and get rich, but I didn't pay attention because I was very afraid of being fired. Well, due to the difficulties, I decided to try it and contacted the Hacking services. I sent him an email and he gave me all the information about the card and everything I needed to know. I followed all your instructions and the programmed debit card was sent to me successfully. I was able to withdraw my first $ 5000 immediately when the card arrived; Today, by the grace of God, I own my business and properties in my name. My children go to the best schools in the city and I live the good life for which I have always prayed. Mr. Heinze is delivering the card just to help the poor, I think it was sent by God to change my story; I am sure he will change your life as mine changed. Contact the hacker Mr Heinze through his email ( heinzatmservices@gmail.com) 


Besides the fact he didn't sound all that Italian, it was noteworthy that he claimed to be in Rome, and at a handy time too:  with Italy locking down all the coronavirus cases, what better time to drop in on the Vatican and chat up the Poop.

At any rate, an Italian touch to the coming scammer email edit was called for, and in the absence of my talented 'editing gone wild' pet rocks, I had my character try his hand at it:


From: Vinny The Tool CompoundWVenuchi!! <info@uaacert.com>
Sent: Saturday, March 7, 2020 11:09 PM
To: jackwagonofcoronavirusturds1@hotmail.com
Subject: Great Caesar's Salad!!

 

 

My name is Vinny The Tool CompoundWVenuchi, I'm from Rome, Italy.  Here, everyone is being quarantined because of a virus that's been around as long as the common cold, but thanks to nitwit networks like cnn and ms13nbc, sheeple are losing their garbonzos over a virus named for a beer that's now tanking in sales.  As we say in Italy, Abondanza fungula!  Anyway, I'm here in my Italian flop house near Vatican City to testify about the abject stupidity sweeping Rome, Italy, Europa and the American DNC over coronavirus.  Before this I was very happy, horny and getting laid weekly because I had a car, a phone, and a working woody. Food was no problem for me and my pet komodo dragon, Luigi.  Even he could score in a singles bar with the right amount of barlighting in play.

Then came the abject idiots at cnn, taking their talking points from the corruption-ridden DNC about the coronavirus -- comparable to the cold and flu viruses that make their annual pilgrimage world-wide -- only because the DNC doesn't like their country's current president, they're trying anything and everything to crash their country, economy and panic their population of dumbed-down sheeple into thinking a dementia-suffering numbskull named Bidumb is the answer to all of the DNC's problems.

What a bunch of ignorant anal suppositorial fungusticks.

Now I'm stuck in this empty flat with a pissed-off komodo dragon, no dates, no prospects, and running fast out of Doritos, Twinkies, corndogs and neighbor's pets that keep Luigi fed and content.  Once the grub runs out, either I'll be eating komodo dragon flambé, or he'll be eating me.  Stupid fungu'd Italians that pay any mind at all to a failed leftist network like cnn should be sent to Pompeii for the next time Vesuvius erupts.

It's getting so bad I've started having wet dreams about sex with a life-sized Hellary inflatable sex toy and different culinary ways to steam and sauté a komodo dragon after beaning him with a fireplace implement.  I've already had many testimonials about how Harry and Meghan bought off the Queen to let them live in Canada under assumed sexes, free from Prince Phillip's lethal flatulence.  Not that it's relevant to my situation, but if one's ever experienced a komodo dragon fart, one might see the commonality associated with why I mentioned it.

Yes, I know...I was supposed to be talking about a hacker's blank ATM card here that is supposed to be the 47th or so wonder of the world....poppycork!  That sorry excuse for an American Italian, Jim 'whines a river' Acosta has about an equal chance of getting a one-on-one interview with President Trump that this so-called blank ATM card scam has of actually working.  The dumb fungu'd twerp that's running this one -- Mr. Heinze -- has already failed gender studies at the Eunuchversity of Kaliforlornia at Berkeley, so how do you think the stammering R-tard could make up a blank ATM card that scams world-wide ATMs?  Only a dumbed down democrap would believe that.  After all, it took dumbed-down democraps to believe that a sixth-grade-educated bartender from NYC -- AOC -- could be something other than a farce in Congress.  Of course, they elected that communist twat burrito De Blasio, so that tells you pretty much all you need to know about dumbed-down democraps in NYC.

I'd like to send our dumbed down Italians there.

Now I am quarantined with no sex partner, a pet komodo dragon that's eyeing me hungrily, and nothing but the blithering idiots of cnn and DNC to thank for this situation.  Believe you me, if I win the coming kitchen face-off with Luigi, I'll be joining the #walkaway campaign too, even though I'm Italian. 

In the meantime, if you want to antagonize the failed nincompoop, email Heinze at ( heinzatmservices@gmail.com) and tell him you've included coronavirus in your email to him.  That might make him foul himself more than he usually does.

It didn't surprise my character that the originating scammer and ATM card hacker didn't bother responding after they had a chance to review the edited response.  My character may not be so popular in Olive Garden restaurants after this...but he's more an egg roll dude, anyway.