Skunkfeathers: Another Scammer Photo FAIL

And that's about how this email scam template wound up going for someone named Dion July. Or July Dion. Or Dr. Willome, US Army.

Eh.

Here is how it all begins:

Dear Sir, I just want to confirm from you if you have receive my last message

Best Regards
July Dion

No one here did, but that wasn't relevant to my character in reply:

Is your name REALLY Dion July?

My character kinda sorta thought he now had an inside track to getting an autograph from Celine.

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*, as the reply would prove:

Hello dear.

I must first ask for apology to burden your respected life and for the surprise this letter may be seen to you because we have not been in much communication. But I want you to ear with me that it is because of the urgently of the situation that requires an immediate action. which lead me to open up to you .How is life over there with you?, believing it's alright. I will like to tell you more about myself,family and the important reason why i have contacted you. My name is Dr, July Dion ,35 years of age, I'm a US military officer currently in Libya now. and i will like to get acquainted with you, I am loving, honest and caring person with a good sense of humor, I enjoy meeting new people and knowing their way of life. however, i really want to establish a true relationship that may lead into a business partner or something else.

I want you to know that we are being attacked by insurgents everyday and car bombs and during one of our rescue mission we came across a safe box that contain huge amount of money that belongs to the supporters of the over thrown government of Libya late Muammar Gaddafi, which I believe was money meant for buying weapons and ammunition, and it was agreed by all Army officers present on that rescue mission that the money will be shared among us and which we did. out of the total fund my share was $1.200,000,00 (One million two Hundred Thousands United States Dollars)And Since I am still working for the government,I can not keep or send this money to America for the time being because i do not have any trustworthy person to act as my next of kin. Therefore, I just want you to act as my next of kin to receive it in your country. Honestly, if I fail to move this money soonest before I leave this country I will lose it and it might also exposed me to the Government. So I am seeking your assistance to evacuate my share of the money out of (uba Bank of Senegal ) to your own country for you to keep it safe on my behalf till i come over to your country after our mission in Libya, So i want you to assure me that if this money is been transfer to you in your country that you are going to be trustworthy to keep the money till when i will come to your country to meet you face to face to collect the money back from you.

It's clear to me that you might be scared of this proposal,but i want to let you know that i have talk with a lawyer in Senegal , to help me stand as my lawyer to assist me transfer the money to any of country of my choose on my behalf. with a lawyer in Senegal and pay him for him to stand as my lawyer to assist me transfer the money to any of country of my choose on my behalf. The money was move from Libya to uba bank of Senegal from Libya for security purpose, The bank told me that they are going to issue A cash credited ATM Card in your name which is a global payment card, which is acceptable, workable and usable worldwide in making daily withdrawal of money from any ATM location. And there will not be any form of risk involve in the process of the withdrawal I have decide to compensate you with 30% of the total money. once you receive the atm card in your country , withdraw all the money from the account keep it well until I arrive to your country, I will give you the 30% while the rest balance shall be my investment capital in your country . one passionate appeal I want you not to discuss this matter to a third party, if you do not want to be party to this business please kindly delete message .

Please try to keep this information secret if you tell it to people it will be dangerous to me based on my position here. I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust nor thwart my dream, though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without formal introduction,well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me in receiving and investing this fund.

Note: I do not know how long we going to remain here and my fate since I have survived two bomb attack here, which prompted me to search out for a reliable and trust worthy person to help me receive this fund, because I will be coming over to your home country to invest and start a new life not as a soldier anymore. I hope my explanation is very clear but if you need further clarification just let me know and i will explain further, I want to let you know that here in the military zone we are not allow to make use of mobile phone, we only make use of radio message and email communication so please let us continue communicating through email for the mean time.

Conclusively,i wish you could send me a reply immediately in regards to this proposal,your urgent reply will be highly appreciated. I wait to receive your acceptable reply as soon as you read this letter.
Thanks

July Dion

And as response bait -- or so the scammer intended it -- she included the following pictures:

My character already knowd that the Dark Side has cookies. But she doesn't stop there:

Okay...very NYCish. But wait...there's more:

So far, so good. No slip-ups in the photos. Until:

Oh WHOOPS...I'm sure y'all can see what she just undid there.

My character lost all interest at that point, so far as further banter went. He went right to the tried and true communication-ender of editing the original email thus:

From: DION JULY <missdionjuly@yahoo.com>
Sent: Wednesday, March 11, 2020 5:40 AM
To: FallopianMortarTubesOyVay1@hotmail.com
Subject: I AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM ANYBODY..EVEN AN ANTIBODY!

Hello dear.

I must first ask for apology to burden your respected life and for the surprise this letter may be seen to you because we have not been in much communication. In fact, we has not bee'd in any cornmunication afore herez. But I want you to ear nose and/or throat with me that it is because of the urgently of the situation that requires an immediate action which lead me to send this rather peculiar template to you.

How is life over there with you? Getting along with coronavirus, soap, sanitizer and toilet paper shortages alright? That is good...that is very good. I watch cnn when I want to laugh at all the stupid peoples in the world...cuz I know that only stupid peoples watch cnn. I know only stupid peoples work there.

I will like to tell you more about myself, family and the important reason why i have contacted you. My name is Dr, July Dion, 35 years of age, and in this template I'm a US military officer currently in Libya now. It's so much safer than Portland, OR. There's no Antifa here. As we corresblonde mores, you will learn that I claim to be loving, honest and caring person with a good sense of humor. In fact my humor works well in the military, as I love to show up unexpectedly at the doors of peoples I ain't yet met, kick in the door and toss in a grenade as a way of breaking the ice.

Since I'm a doctor, I can fix what the grenade broke afterward. And bill them for it too. Life is good.

I want you to know that we are being attacked by the DNC, cnn, ms13nbc and what's left of the democrap candidates for president everyday because we chose life instead of being aborted or having ourselves surgically converted to one of 55 mental illnesses that the DNC says are gender choices. Small wonder that the DNC's representing symbol is an ass.

One day in Walter Mittyville I was late for a meet and couscous greet with Muammar Gaddafi, which I believe was supposed to be for him donating money meant for my dream of a night club in Tripoli, complete with belly and pole dancing, all the camel piss beer you could drink, and demonstrations of how easy genital switching would be if everyone would opt for Lego-made genitals. Alas, Gaddafi didn't make it to the meeting that would have changed my life forever, and now I'm stuck with trying to find a way to make good use of $500 trillion in Zimbabwe dollars.

If you look them up, they're not worth much, though if I sold them on eBay as emergency toilet paper, I hear they'd go like hotcakes.

I can not keep or send this money to America for the time being because i do not have any trustworthy person to act as my next of kin. My own loving famdamily were all died in a bus/UFO accident in Roswell, NM in 1947, and while that doesn't explain how I came to be born, it does explain one or two of the episodes of The X Files. It is in that, therefore, that I just want you to act as my next of kin before a judge in a prostrate court to be the golden receiver of my eye until I am killed, wounded or victim of a premature discharge that knocks me up. Honestly, if you fail to help me in this deal I am promised worse templates and roles within them at the fly-infested internet cafe I am writing from in Senegal. He is no relation to Steven Segal.

I think we need some proofreading help with this template because at this point it says, and I quote, "I want you to bring it to your own country for you to keep it safe on my behalf till i come over to your country after our mission in Libya", even though you're in the country the template said I was from.

I hate when that happens, unless you watch cnn, then I know I can tell you anything and you'll believe it.

It's clear to me if not to a total dolt like AOC that you might be scared of this proposal since the world is going to end in 10-12 years due to global clamato change, but i want to let you know that i have talk with a lawyer in Senegal, and believe you me there aren't too many shysters worse than that, except in the DNC.

Please try to keep this information secret if you tell it to people it will be dangerous to me based on my position I have to assume when getting laid or taking a dump here. I have chosen to contact you after mixing my prayers with hallucinogens and meth in my mess kit. A yellow submarine-shaped angry boid then yelled in my ear that you will not betray my trust nor thwart my dream, though you may wonder why I am not paying better attention to the pictures I attached to this email, like so:

Note: I do not know how long we going to remain using this peculiar template and my fate since I have survived two bouts with SOS at the mess hall here, which prompted me to search out for a reliable and trust worthy person to help me figure out a new template to try. I am not cut out to be a soldier, that much is clear. I might try being a Yugo in my next template, as soon as I find out what one is. I hope my explanation is very clear but if you need further clarification just let me know and i will explain further, I want to let you know that here in the military zone we are not allow to make use of mobile phone, we only make use of radio smoke signals in Azerbaijani Morse code...or we use email communication so please let us continue communicating through email for the mean time.

Conclusively, i wish you could send me a reply immediately in regards to your take on this my proposal of mirage to you, and see if we can midnight at the oasis, once the camel's gone to Bedouin. I wait to receive your reply as soon as you read this letter.