Saturday, June 2, 2018

"Facebook" Tries Again

He ain't the only one.

To some, Facebook is the end-all.

To others, it's the road to the end-of-it-all.

In Scamland, it's another opportunity:


Easily move this message to your Inbox if it is delivered to the "Junk Email / Spam"
 
Facebook
 
Dear Facebook User,
 
Charity Facebook team wants to let you know and congratulate you for becoming our Facebook GiveBack winners.
 
It's part of a $ 1 billion dollar ($ 1 billion) dollars donated by the CEO of Facebook.
 
 
Randomly, you chose Facebook admin on Facebook. Draw Manager is an automated computer program that randomly selects Facebook users.
 
This e-mail message serves as your final alert!
 
You have been chosen and can apply for part of the Facebook charity funds.
 
You have been approved to claim a charitable amount of: $ 1,000,000 (one million US dollars).
 
Charity service amount: $ 1,000,000
Drawdown No: TFB 12329317635197437-JEN / 2018
Order number: TFB 29501870209289 / US877
 
Thanks for using Facebook. Facebook and Facebook users have increased their Facebook revenue by 41%
 
How to Claim Your Facebook Charity Donation.
 
Step 1:
 
Simply complete this form:
 
Your name:
Your nationality:
Your current country of residence:
Your age:
Your phone:
Your job:
How long have you been using Facebook?
 
Step 2:
 
Please fill in the form above and send it to the Facebook Charity Manager.
 
Name: Todd Jackson
Telephone number: 1-800-FACBOOK
 
Contact Todd Jackson at the e-mail address above to start the process of releasing your Facebook donation.
 
It is very important that you keep the confidentiality and privacy of this announcement.
 
To avoid unauthorised exploitation or abuse of the Facebook charity program, we encourage you to keep the news private until you get funds into your account.
 
For more information on how to apply for your Facebook charitable funds, please contact Todd Jackson with the email address above.  
 
 
Beneath all this was a wonderful disclaimer that suggested this email originated out of the Road Transportation Department of Malaysia. I guess that their road projects are a bit limited, eh?
 
Well, never one to shirk a good edit, my faithful pet rock, Seymour, was all over this one:
 
 
Easily move this message to your outhouse if it is delivered to the "indoor outhouse"
 
Faceplant
 
Dear Faceplant User,
 
Chastity Faceplant team wants to let you know and congratulate you for becoming our Faceplant Douche Canoe winners.
 
 
It's part of a $ 1 googleplex dollar ($ 1...oh hell, it's a crapload of zeros, take our woid for it) dollars donated by the CEO of Faceplant, Mr. Zark Muckerborg.
 
 
 
 
Randomly, you chose Faceplant admin on Faceplant. We congratulate you for not choosing Facepalm.  That wouldn't have won you
doodly squat piles.  Draw Manager is an automated computer bot that looks like Boris, speaks like Natasha, and goes on unexplained
pogroms looking for a moose and squirrel in Newark. 

We do not know why Newark.  It's a Russian bot and paid for, so take it with a grain of Hellary.  Have a bucket of water ready if
you find her broom near you.
 
This e-mail message serves as your final alert that something definitely Faceplant is come your curd or whey!
 
 
You have been chosen and can apply for part of the Faceplant Whackadoodle.  It's a thing.
 
You have been approved to claim to be a distant relative of Sebastian Lipshitz and be branded all sorts of negative things by cnn because he voted not for Hellary. 

Thanks for using Faceplant. Faceplant and Faceplant users have increased their Faceplant experiences by 41%.
 
 
 
 
Facepalm and Facepalm users cannot claim that, though they say their experiences are up 99% after hearing Nancy Bela Pelosi attempt to speak.
 
Step 1:
 
Simply complete this sentence:  I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I defecate uncontrollably because I mistook Exlax for __________:
 

Step 2:
 
Please stop asking us to play candy crush you twat nozzle and send it to the Faceplant Chastity Gender Neutralager.
 
Name: Todd Jackson
Telephone number: 1-800-FACPLNT
 
Contact Todd Jackson at the e-mail address above to start the process of releasing the beagles, bagels or bugles of warts on your Faceplant page.
 
It is very important that you keep the confidentiality and privacy of this announcement to yourself and the next seventeen generations of your antecedence.
 
To avoid unauthorised exploitation or abuse of the Faceplant chastity program, we encourage you to not have sex with a Yugo.
 
For more information on how to understand how you got this crap from Faceplant, please don't contact Todd Jackson with the email address above. 
If you just want to insult the bastard, that's fine...contact him.
 



KARDASHIAN TV SHOWS SUCK ASHLEY DUDD. 

DISCLAIMER: This e-mail and any files transmitted with it ("Message") are intended only for the use of abject morons and may contain information that is pubic, infectious, and systematically douche nozzled.  That means that the Official Secrets Act 1972 is poobah. You are hereby notified that the taking of any action in reliance upon, or any review, retransmission, retention, disclosure, dissemination, distribution, printing or copying of this Message or any part thereof by anyone other than the intended recipient(s) is manifest dysentery.  Bring your own toilet paper and plenty of it.  If you have received this Message, stop registering as a democrap.  Opinions, conclusions and other information in this Message that come from The View, MSNBC or CNN do not relate to the official work of the Compost Transport Department of Malaysia, which wouldn't want to handle the compost from The View, MSNBC or CNN, and is thereby not endorsed by the Compost Transport Department of Malaysia.


WARNING: Computer viruses can be transmitted via virtual hamster sex with microscopic dildos cleverly disguised in wheels.  The recipient(s) should check this Message for the presence of something nefarious like that. The Compost Transport Department of Malaysia accepts no liability for any damage caused by audio and visual images of Nancy Pelosi. E-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed if Maxine Waters or Dickie Durbin violated them. Don't ask Hank Johnson; he's still on Guam-Capsize watch.



Nothing back from Face-anything.  Or the Road Transport Department of Malaysia.  Seymour was rather looking forward to hearing from them.
 
"Was NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFT!!"
 
 
 

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