Monday, May 28, 2018

Military Scammers Got No Head For Tactics

Scammers keep trying to play that they're members of the US Military.

But when they write, they sound more like low information, dumbed down members of the Democrap National Committee.

Take this nincompoop for example:


I saw your email from searching Engine and i decided to contact you urgent for this great opportunity between me and you, permit me to introduce myself to you, I am a captain with the United Nations troop Kabul Afghanistan, on war against terrorism. Based on the United States legislative and executive decision for withdrawing troops from Afghanistan come next year, I have been deployed to come and work in your country on military base soonest. Our mission is to help beef up terrorist targeted states, mostly on the war against terrorism and i will need a house for myself & that is why I contacted you.

On the other hand I want to inform you that I have in my possession the sum of US$45.5Million US.D) Which I got from crude oil deal here in Afghanistan. I deposited this money with a Red Cross agent informing him that we are making contact for the real owner of the money. And It is under my power to approve whoever that comes forth for this consignment.

I want to invest the money in your state as soon as I am deployed into your state for a good business, anyway you will advise me on that since I am not a business person. So I need someone I could trust. If you accepted i will be smuggle to transfer the money to your country where you will be the beneficiary.

I am a uniformed person and I cannot be parading such an amount, so I need to present someone to stand as the recipient. I am an American and an intelligence officer and for that so I have a 100% authentic means of transferring the money through diplomatic courier service. I just need your acceptance and all is done.

Please if you are interested in this transaction I will give to you the complete details that you need for us to carry out this transaction successfully, i decided to find someone that is for real and not imaginary and that is why I went to a secured web site, where I can be sure that the person is real. I believe I can trust you. Where we are now we can only communicate through our military communication facilities which is secured so nobody can monitor our emails, then I can explain in details to you will only reach you through email, because our calls might be monitored but have to be sure whom I am dealing with.

If you are interested please send me your personal mobile number so I can call you for further Inquiry when I am out of our military network am writing from a fresh email account so if you are not interested do not reply to this email and please delete this message, if not response after 3days I will then search for someone else.

I wait for your contact details so we can go on. I will give to you 40% of the sum and 60% is for me. I hope I am been fair on this deal,

Get back to me with your full information send it to my email:  myprivatepatrick@gmail.com

YOUR FULL NAME:
YOUR FULL ADDRESS:
YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBER:

Best Regards,

Capt. Patrick Williams
US ARMY
Kabul Afghanistan
Email:  myprivatepatrick@gmail.com  



I must admit, I do very much enjoy editing these kinds of emails.  Then again, it's like making a democrap sound like a democrap...aka, shooting fish in a bucket:


From: Capstan Patrick Williams< patrickwilliamsprivate@gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2018 12:06 AM
To: Recipients
Subject: Your PRIMATE Letter

 

Dear Primate Email Owner,

I saw your email from searching Engine and i decided to contact you urgent for this great opportunity between me and you, permit me to introduce myself to you, I am a capstan with the 321st Infantry with an attached armored contingent from the 35th.  And I have a bank east of Nancy in Claremont with $45.5 million just waiting to be picked up.  Based on the United States legislative and executive decision for withdrawing troops from ETO to send them to PTO come next year -- and the Japs ain't got any stashes like this -- I have been deployed to come and work in your country on military base soonest. 
As you see how I write, you simply have to KNOW that I am in US Army of Military Farces of the United Nation with the rank of capstan with Our mission is to hold ourselves in reserve, in case the krauts launch a major offensive that threatens Paris, or maybe even New York, then we can move in and stop them.  Woof woof woof.  That's my other dog imitation.
And we have Crapgame, controlling logistics.  How can anything go wrong?
 that is why I contacted you.

I want to invest the money in your state in buying a ranch with 20 or 35 women, and just let it go...ahahahaha.  So soon as I am deployed into your state for a good time, call Candy at 303-582-5440.  anyway you will advise me on that since I am not a business person, I am a lean, mean trained fighting machine, trained in the ways and curds of primate combrat. So I need someone I could trust. If you accepted i will be smuggle to transfer the money to your country where you will be the beneficerary.

I am a uniformed person of dubious antecedence and recently had a grenade go off in my crotch so I cannot be parading around in such a condition as that, what with my junk strung out all over the parade ground.  So I need to present someone to stand as one hell of a groinological surgeon, who can put my Humper Dumpster back together again.  I have a date next liberty and I don't want to spend it fingering MY bung hole.
If you read into this properly, you can plainly see that I am an American and an intelligence officer and with me as an intelligence officer...we're really f**ked.  I just need your acceptance and alles kaput.

Please if you are for real and not imaginary, I need to hear from you.  If you are imaginary and not real, I need to know how the f**k it is that I am hearing from you.  And if you're not you, are you someone else, or something else, and Whiskey Tango Foxtrot are you doing in my email?  I believe I can trust you if you are real.  My certainty quotient begins to descend with the level of your imaginary status.  Where we are now we can only communicate through a fly-infested internet café in some Third World sh*thole which is unsecured so any f**king jackwagon can monitor our emails.  Once modalities are clearly established, then and only then can I begin to explain in details to you how my mother the car had sex with a yak, resulting in me and all that goes into such a clusterf**k.

If after you read this -- assuming you're able to read -- and you are interested, please grant me a few minutes to recover.  I told the internet café manager that no one was going to buy this sh*t.
 if not response after 3 days I will then have my eunuch commander declare war on you and anyone that looks like you.  Hoorah.

I wait for your contact details so we can go on. I will give to you 0% of the sum and 100% is for me. I hope I am been fair on this deal since I took crummy core meth at a democrap-controlled skool in Kaliforlornia.

Get back to me with your full information on my super secret, incredibly well-thought-out and disguised email address that protects me from detection by peoples that work to detect peoples like me that wish to avoid detection by peoples like those:  myprivatepatrick@gmail.com

YOUR FULL NAME:
YOUR FULL ADDRESS:
YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBER:

Best Regards,

Capstan Patrick Williams
US ARMY NAVY AIR FARCE MARINES
..it's a great place to fart.
Abnormandy Frenchieville
Email:  myprivatepatrick@gmail.com  
 
 
The capstan didn't feel it necessary to respond to me after reading that.  His teachers in Kaliforlornia are still trying to understand it.

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