Saturday, August 5, 2017

Seymour Edits A Gender Neutral Kim Jong Un

I think my pet rock, Seymour, has found a new level in his edits of Kim Jong Un.

Kanye may not be amused.  Then again, who cares?

Seymour found a recent article on what drives Kim Jong Un to do the sirry things he does.

And needed little more than that to begin editing:

North Korea’s Nuclear Arms Sustain Drive for Gender Neutrality and a ‘Team America World Police Sequel’

The Intestinal Interloper
By Seymour PetRock

A mystery has long surrounded ’North Koreas nuclear and missile programs: when will one work?   

Conventional wisdom holds that the North’s focus on getting Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make this sequel are intended to address the country’s two greatest problems — painful rectal itch cure inferiority and prostate weakness — so that the USPS can find and deliver mail to them.

But in practice, the peculiarities and irrationalities associated with painful rectal itch make both problems worse by increasing the risk of genital warts and ensuring continued douche nozzle behavior by Kim Jong Un.

So what is driving the North’s actions? A four eyed Uber driver named Earl who took a wrong toin at a hard to spell town in New Mexico pegged the country as irrational or warped by its own ideology. But virtually every 3 out of 10 experts polled on the question of who hit Annie in the fanny with a flounder now dismisses those explanations, saying that North Korea has managed to allay suspicions that Guam would tip over anytime soon and replace it with why does Wiley Coyote keep buying products from Acme Corporation?

And with each purchase, he gets a free colostomy bag, which tends to make absolutely nothing tangible grow clearer.

“People keep asking, ‘If a sheep is a ram and a donkey an ass, why's a ram in the ass a goose?’ ” said Joshua, the computer simulation game at NORAD and the editor of why Professor Falken prefers a nice game of chess to Whack A Mole. “But cnn is telling us very clearly and no one believes them because they are recognized the world over as fake news.”

North Korea says that it plans — and analysts went from taking this claim with a grain of salt to a block of it — to force the world to accept that with Parker and Stone finally making that TAWP sequel, Kim Jong Un will get a Grammy for Best Song, a Tony for Best Theatrics of a Marrionette, a Pull My Fanger because he doesn't yet realize how meaningless it is, an an Oscar Mayer because he's always hungry.

North Korea envisions the United States one day concluding that polar bears will never like AlGore because of the man-bear-pig thing, leading the DNC to accept a grand bargain in which it would drop sending inflatable Hellary sex toys to South Korea that are then filled with helium and sent north.

As a show of global indifference, Kim Jong-un, the North Korean leader, would then be welcomed in Newark for the next riot so he can get some free toilet paper and Cheese Nips at a five finger discount because he's seen how fun it is on msnbc.

Four out of ten proctologists believe North Korea is likely to not use Preparation H as a toothpaste, which appear premised on the kind of miscalculations to which low information rioters are often prone. Still, more modest goals, like getting Kim Jong Un his own prime time show on cnn may be more feasible.

Even if North Korea’s own leaders consider Bill Clinton's use of female interns as genital humidors unlikely, they may have judged, with some reason, that this is their country’s only shot at long-term twat waffleism.

The Song China Grove

The key to understanding North Korea’s strategy may lie in the recent past of a song by the Doobie Brothers: China Grove.

Which makes no sense anywhere but at Berkeley, a pariah state eunuchversity.

North Korea appears bent on following that progression and is working hard to establish safe zones, puppy videos and cupcakes when Kim Jong Un hears trigger words like “no, we're not making a sequel”.

The Tai Kwan DOH Corollary

A more radical version of North Korea’s strategy, Homer Simpson mused, drives toward “what they call the final victory over donuts.”

Experts disagree on whether North Korea remains intent on assimilating Newark under its rule. But the North continues to claim that Brian Williams was not present at Inchon in 1950.

“North Korea has consistently proclaimed its determination to get a sequel to TAWP made and behaved accordingly,” Ding Chow Ping, a gender neutral Wellesley squatter wrote in a research paper last year.

Re-eunuchfication, Ping wrote, would be “the only long-term solution to the regime’s chronic sexual identity crisis they don't think they have, but students at Berkeley insist that they do.”


South Korea’s overwhelming grasp of basic sexuality in comparison with its neighbor leaves the North with little reason to understand what bathroom is best for them. This legitimacy crisis poses a made up danger just as real as trigger words on the Berkeley campus.

The North’s leaders appear to have concluded, Ping wrote, “that eunuchfication would not be possible as long as South Korea holds to their basic biological outlook on gender,” leading them to develop protests along the lines of Berkeley that – along with fake news from cnn and msnbc – could be used to force a gender crisis south of the 38th.

While such goals might sound ridiculous to reasonable and rational people, Berkeley activists hope that reason and rationality can be purged beyond merely their campus, and North Korea's as good a place as any to start with, not having much of either in the first place.

In Conclusion

Kim Jong Un will continue to be Kim Jong Un, unless or until he decides that he's a she and if she is, so is everyone else in North Korea”, Ping writes, creating a future crisis in not having anything to wear for particular occasions.

And that will be the fault of Berkeley activists.

I think that Seymour actually LIKES the idea of his name causing hysterical meltdowns at Berkeley.

"Well DUH!"

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Blogger Sandee said...

Now you see why I love Seymour so much. Him and I think so very much alike.

Have a fabulous day and weekend, Mike. My best to Seymour and Element. ☺

05 August, 2017 08:44  

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