Don't Proctoscope The Elephant

Some jobs truly ARE worse than others.

Being a scammer and writing to one of my characters is probably on par with this h'yar.

Like this poor bastard found out:

Dearest friend in the Lord, I am Branch Leader and youth adviser to (Late Philanthropist Reverend Peter Milner ) who slept in the Lord on May 27th 2016 and after his death,we saw your contact from the file of our Late Philanthropist Reverend Peter Milner and we decide to write you because he want to donate fund for you to use it for Almighty God in your country before he died and you have nothing to lose than to receive the cheque fund and used it for Almighty God work because what is the benefit of a man that gain the whole world and lose the kingdom of God? Please as you read this message go ahead and get back to Convenant Church of God so that we can be able to press further with you on how to receive the cheque fund as soon as possible and we advise you to re-forward your full information below to enable us to cross check it again. 1.Your Full name 2.Your Full Home Address and your Country 3.Your Phone Number 4.Your Occupation 5.Your Age 6.Your Identification E.G International Passport Page or Driving License Kindly forward your reply to convenantchurchofgod@gmail.com in other to re-confirm it again for further action to take place and upon the receipt of your full details then we shall give you the contact of the shipping company with there website for you to contact them on how to receive your cheque fund. Yours in Christ, Rev. John Tom Convenant Church of God mayraandrea@workmail.com   

 

 

He probably thought the churchly sounding tone would help.  Sadly, the particular character he sent it to was not impressed any more than the elephant was, especially after the edit:

 

 

From: CONVENIENT CHURCH OF EBENEZER TOILET TRAINING FOR GOATS <convenantchurchofgod@gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, October 6, 2016 4:05 PM
To: twatwaffleironhaid@hotmail.com
Subject: MAY WAS A FEW MONTHS AGO

 

Dearest Genital Duck Lips, I am Branch Leader and youth adviser to a shrunken and stuffed inflatable version of hellary's primate email server from which all things to Wikileaks and every foreign government on this Earth and 27 nearest planets flow.  The Late Show personal proctologist to Philanthropist Reverend Peter Milner -- after trying to give a proctology exam to an elephant during a frat party -- now slept with a deitized inflatable Headweg Owl looking thing on May 27th 2016 and after his death, we saw your contact in his collection of hacked emails from hellary's server and we decide to write you because he want to donate his collection of Beatles records played backwards to a house of blue cheese fries and farts in Hoboken, and he misfigured that you'd use it for Almighty Kielbasa in your country before he was trunk wrapped and slammed against a tree about five dozen times by that very unamused elephant that was not the least into anal sex with a stranger dressed like either a proctologist or a clown in the woods.  He figured that you have nothing to lose since the elephant doesn't know you as yet, and perhaps can avoid the elephant and get your hands on his collection of Beatles backward recordings and use it for Almighty Kielbasa or some other frankenfurter looking things because what is the benefit of a man that gain the whole world and lose the kingdom of Hoboken?

Probably one very lucky bastard.

Please as you read this message go ahead and get back to CONVENIENT CHURCH OF EBENEZER TOILET TRAINING FOR GOATS so that we can be able to press further with you on how to set into motion a series of events that will convince you that you're on drugs and they're some really BAD hallucinagens as soon as possible and we advise you to re-forward your unbackward full information below to enable us to cross check it again with the elephant when he's done stomping a village full of proctologists.

1.Your Full name 2.Your Full Home Address and your Country 3.Your Phone Number 4.Your Occupation 5.Your Age 6.Your Identification E.G International Passport Page or Driving License, none of which will do you any good but will help the elephant recognize you since they don't forget but boy can they get pissy.

 Kindly forward your reply to  convenantchurchofgod@gmail.com  in order and in Angelican Pelicanese Grecian formulaed Spanglish, and then to re-confirm it again in Azerbaijani for further action to take place and upon the receipt of your full details; after all that,  then we shall give you the contact of our head poodle lipped f**kwagon with a dilapidated yak cart that passes in West Africa for a shipping company with orifices that monkeys usually crap in. 

 Yours in Hoboken,

Rev. John Tom

CONVENIENT CHURCH OF EBENEZER TOILET TRAINING FOR GOATS     

mayraandrea@workmail.com

or  convenantchurchofgod@gmail.com 

A Title IX and stuffed animal Violator  

 

 

This drew no reply from the scammer, but one former scammer did beg us for the umpteenth time to quit sending him this stuff thus:

 

 

STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Once the elephant is pissed off, there's no stopping him.  Sawwy.

 

 

My character is such an unhelpful sot  ;-)