JP Mallardjusted

Perhaps AFLAC should hire THIS duck, instead.

When you get a scam email from an outfit like JP Morgan Chase, now that's something.

*Yawn*

At least, that's what the scammer was hoping would be the recipient's reaction.

'Cept he ran into my character as the recipient.

Here's how the scammer tried to play it:


JPMorgan Chase Bank, 112th & Broadway Branch
Full Service Brick and Mortar Office
2875 Broadway
New York, NY 10025

Lobby Hours
Mon-Fri::: 8:30 - 6:00
Sat::: 9:00 - 2:00
Sun::: Closed

This is Mr Robert Justin From JPMorgan Chase Bank New York,I want to
let you know that your fund of $7.5 Million was brought to our bank here
in New York by one Delivery Agent from Benin Republic,According to the
Delivery Agent he said that he cannot be able to complete the delivery
of your cash consignment box of $7.5 Million to your address due to one
reason or the other that is why he brought your fund here to be
transferred into your bank account by JPMorgan Chase Bank New York USA,

I want to let you know that we have finished every arrangement
regarding the transfer of your fund of $7.5 Million into your bank
account as was instructed by the Government of Benin Republic and we are
ready to transfer your fund into your bank account but the only thing
delaying the transfer of your fund into your bank account now is that
the IMF are demanding for IMF CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE before your fund
will be transferred into your bank account,The obtaining of the IMF
CLEARANCE PAPER will cost $299 only and they said that the IMF CLEARANCE
CERTIFICATE will be obtain from the Origin Country Benin Republic,I want
you to be 100% assure and guarantee that your fund will be transferred
into your bank account as soon as soon as you send the only fee $299 for
the IMF CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE,And be rest assure that the $299 will be
the only and the last fee you need to send in this transaction and your
fund of $7.5 Million will be realeased into your bank account and if any
other fee is requested after you send the only fee of $299 I Mr
Mr.Robert Justin will personal resend your money back to you and if i
fail to do so let the Authorities arrest me,

So all you need to do is to go ahead and send the only fee of $299 to
the Country of Origin Benin Republic so that the IMF CLEARANCE
CERTIFICATE will be obtain and your fund will be transferred into your
bank account as was instructed,The fee of $299 is the only fee you are
expected to pay and no more fee after that until your fund of $7.5
Million is completely transferred into your bank account,

You are instructed to send the only fee of $299 to the Country of
Origin Benin Republic through Money Gram only with the information below
ok,

Receiver Name:: Smith Anekwe
Address:: Benin Republic
City: :::Cotonou
Amount:::::::: $299
Question:: God
Answer:: Bless
Senders Name:

Best Regards
Mr.Robert Justin
JPMorgan Chase Bank  


And my character didn't even sneeze.  Nor did my character duck the edit...and not exactly AFLAC style:

JPhuckMorganChaseWenchAroundPole Bank, 112th & Broadway Branch
Full Service Prick and Mortar Office
2875 Broadway
New York, NY 10025

Lobby Hours

Rest of Building  is someone elses

This could be Mr Robert Justin From what passes for a bank...it is a bank..

herein we call it JPhuckMorganChaseWenchAroundPole  Bank New York,

I want to let you know that a duck was brought to our bank here
in New York by one Delivery Agent from Benin Republic; according to the
Delivery Agent he said that he cannot be able to complete the delivery
of your duck to your address due to one reason or the other, which is at

least two reasons if it's one or the other...yes, that adds up to two.  I work

at a bank so I should be able to count at least that high.

So we have your duck at JPhuckMorganChaseWenchAroundPole Bank New York USA.

I want to let you know that we have finished every arrangement
regarding the transfer of your duck to your address as was instructed by

the Government of Benin Republic and we are as always ever ready

to do the bidding of the Government of the Benin Repugnant when it

concerns delivering of ducks. 

The only thing delaying the transfer of your duck to your address now is that
the IMF, UN, FBI, CIA, WTF and a yak knitting class are demanding for 

DUCK CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE before your duck will be transferred to your

address.  The obtaining of this preposterous CLEARANCE PAPER will cost $299

only unless you ordered two ducks and then it will cost $299 twice which is more

than I can count on my abacus with ten fingers.  The  CLEARANCE
CERTIFICATE will be obtain from the Origin Country Benin Republic,I want
you to be 100% assure and guarantee that your duck will be transferred
to your address as soon as soon as you send the $299 for every duck and
the required CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE for every duck ordered.  And be rest

assure that the $299 will be required every time you want a duck from us.

Cross my fart and hope to genitally marinate if I am send you a faulty

duck that's mallardjusted, so all you need to do is to go ahead and send

the $299 to the Country of Origin Benin Republic so that the CLEARANCE
CERTIFICATE will be obtain and your duck will be transferred to your
address soonest.

You is, were, are and will forever so after be instructed to send the only fee

of $299 to the Country of Origin Benin Republic through Money Gram only

with the information below ok:

Receiver Name:: John Jacob Jingle Anus Smith
Address:: Benin Republic
City: :::Cotonou
Amount:::::::: $299
Question:: Duck
Answer:: Quack
Senders Name:

This email has been checked for malware, spyware, tableware, dinnerware,

eveningware, whatever the f**kbeware, and it is assured to have a little of

each herein, someware.

Mr.Robert Justin
JPhuckMorganChaseWenchAroundPole Bank New York

"We might chase Miley Cyrus; not Lena Dunham.."  

 

 

I think even the AFLAC duck would duck Lena Dunham...