Tuesday, November 1, 2016

It's All Coming Up Edits

The scam can't be any weirder than a random empty Coke bottle dropped by the gawds on the backward.

Then again, yes it can.

Here's one reputedly from the US Federal Reserve:


Headquarters: New York, NY, United States of America
Founded: 1914, New York City, New York, United States
ADDRESS: 33 Liberty St New York , NY 10045-0001
TEL: +1 626-404-7025
From the Desk of Mr William C.Dudley
Attention Dear Jack, Greetings From Federal Reserve Bank New York and United States Integration, am hereby to inform you that an alert come to us today from United Nation Official through the help of Federal Bureau of Investigation {FBI}. And according to the reporter, World bank organization together with United State Embassy Benin Republic, have approved to compensate You as a scam victim with the Sum of $25.5miilon, and your email address was found among the 10 lucky beneficiaries,meanwhile the fund will be release this week as soon as the beneficiary meetup/comply with the instruction/requirements.
We apologies for the delay of your payment and all the inconveniences we might put you through, while we were having some minor problems with our payment system which in all case not meeting up with fund beneficiary payments, we apologies once again.
From the records of outstanding contractors due for payment with federal Government of U.S.A your name was discovered as next on the list out of the 10 outstanding contractors who have not yet received their payments during the 3 years tenure of the previous administration in office please bear with us for making this initial contact through email. Meanwhile, a woman came to this bank a few days ago with a letter claiming to be your true representative and is willing to pay For the wire/transfer charge of $109 to have the fund delivered to her. Here is her information’s below.
Name: Mrs.Annette stillman
Bank name: Citibank , Arizona , USA .
Account Number: 6503809008
Routing number: 322271627
Swift code#:WMSBUS66
Address: 1723 Palmdale Bulv
Palmdale ca..93550
Please do reconfirm to this bank as a matter of urgency if this woman is from you or not so that the federal government will not beheld responsible for paying into wrong account, if this woman is not your representative, you requested to fill and send this information’s for verification purpose so that your fund valued ($25.5millon) will be remitted in to your nominated bank account.
Kindly reconfirm to the bank the following
1. Bank Name:
2. Bank account number:
3. Route number:
4. Swift code:
5. Bank name:
6. Company name:
7. Position:
8. Address:
9. Working Id/ int’l Passport
10. Age:
11. Your telephone number
Secondly,the law stated that every beneficiaries will take care of the expense base on your favorable means of receiving the only money you have to pay for the transfer to take place is just $109 being the approval payment certification from the American Embassy office in Benin Republic,and you are giving a limited time to send the payment.
As soon as the Payment information is received, your funds will be wired to your bank account directly from Federal Reserve Bank New York USA,We shall proceed to issue all payments details to the said Mrs. Annette Stillman if we do not hear from you within the next three working days from today. We are sorry for any inconvenience the delay in transferring of your fund must have caused you.
You alerted reply urgent
Sincerely.
Mr. William C. Dudley
Director Federal Reserve Bank
33 Liberty St New York , NY 10045-0001  
 
 
So very VERY believable, right?
 
Well, the edit changes up that score, just as an ex-friend did with her sell out of her cred:
 
 
Hindquackers: New York, NY
United States of America which was Founded: 1914
when I taked wrong toin at Albequerque
ADDRESS: 33 Liberty St New York , NY 10045-0001
TEL: +1 626-404-7025
From Mr William C.Dudley or his smart as a door knob desk:
Attention:   Greetings From Hairy Fungerer or Cosmic Muffin Reserve Bank New York and United States Imitation.  am hereby and herein to inform you herefore that an alert come to us today from United Nation Official through the help of Federal Bureau of Investigation {FBI}.  After a further series of adding here to assorted and sundried words, we the shit out of the alert and left it looking like a used Yugo in a Benin monkey sex parlour parking lot. 
And according to the reporter, there is a tape of Donald Trump saying sexual things to a woman from 1998 that will probably upset Hellary; then again, Hellary would be upset by any woman that looks better than her, which is 99% of the rest of the world's women. 
Meantime in the Benin Republic, the local Walmart there has a special on flying twat waffle irons when you open an account with anything OTHER than West African francs; if you have plenty of West African francs, you can mix them with beans, or just use the things for a totally unheard of use here in Benin:  toilet paper.
 We apologies for not knowing how to use apologies prepositionally and all the inconveniences we might put you through, while we were having some minor problems with our payment system which in all case not doing so well karma-wise after we called it a jerk and a freak, so we apologies once again.
From the records of a dead DJ from a club here 30 years ago  your name was discovered as next on the list out of the 10 names carved into an outhouse wall of having had a good time with Candy, our tri-sexual primate and current candidate for president of the US on the demoncrapic side.  We must say that you're lucky to still have your tallywhacker attached after you did Candy.  Meanwhile, a woman came to this bank a few days ago with a letter claiming to be your long lost bowel movement from Ellendale and seeks custody of the flying twat waffle iron found in the back of that badly used Yugo in a Benin monkey sex parlour parking lot.  She says you'll pay the  charge of $109 to have the flying twat waffle iron delivered to her, or a postal employee that looks like her. Here is her information’s below.
Name: Mrs. Marie Amie Williams
Bank name: Pitiblank , South Dakota, USA .
Account Number: 6503809008
Routing number: 322271627
Swift code#:WMSBUS66
Please do reconfirm to this entity as a matter of urgency if this woman is from you or not so that the hairy fungerer or cosmic muffin will not be held responsible for playing Misty for me into wrong account; if this woman is not your representative, you probably wish you'd stayed building outhouses where that you is.
Kindly reconfirm to the listening device in your toilet paper dispenser the following
1. Bank Name:
2. Bank account number:
3. Route number:
4. Swift code:
5. Bank name:
6. Company name:
7. Position:
8. Address:
9. Working Id/ int’l Passport
10. Age:
11. Your telephone number
Secondly,the law stated that every time a bell rings, she was ready after lessons from Pavlov, and that will cost you  just $109 to get her to stop that so she isn't so "ready" in the middle of a Starbucks when a cell phone rings.
As soon as the Payment information is received, we will probably foul ourselves repeatedly; this gawddamned letter hasn't worked yet, and we were pretty sure it wouldn't work after this edit, either.
You saby, kemo?  alerted reply urgent
Sincerely.
Mr. William C. Dudley or his smart as a doorknob desk
Director of bad movies
33 Liberty St New York , NY 10045-0001  
 
 
Neither Dudley nor his desk cared to respond...

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