Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Suddenly, Scammers LOVE Themselves Conferences

This seems to be a recent trend in email themes my characters have been receiving.  Take this one -- sure sounds credible and thoroughly professional -- to be held in South Africa at the end of this month (I'll not bore you with the whole email, just a flavor):


International Financial Reporting Standards (IFRS)
 
 
142 Catherine Street, Fountainbleau Randburg


tel: 011 057 6001
 
Good day
The Knowledge of IFRS is now a standard entry level requirement for all finance professionals. Is no longer a nice to have – it is a necessity!
The global acceptance of IFRS as a basis for financial reporting for both publically traded entities and other entities of public interest, such as state ­owned entities, non-profit entities, creates a demand for highly trained financial professionals to implement such standards and principles.
Join us for this interactive and highly informative workshop scheduled for 30June -3July 2015 at Randburg Towers Conference Centre, Johannesburg South Africa
Register Now! Few Seats Available!
R 15,999.00 per Delegate 
 
It goes on in almost excruciating detail to talk about what the conference is about and what the conference will cover, etc, etc, yada yada.  And of course, because it came to an email address of mine that receives about 90% scam emails, it finds itself treated accordingly:  edited.
 
Here's what that edit went down as:
 
Interassonal Fiscal Rape Standards (IFRS)
 
 
142 Catherine Street, Fountainbleau Randburg


tel: 011 057 6001
 
Good day before this arrive
The Knowledge of IFRS is now a standard entry level requirement for all good trained fly infested internet scammers. Is no longer a nice to have – it is a necessity!
The global repugnance to IFRS as a basis for fiscal rape of assets by internet café scammers creates a demand for highly trained lowlife scumbags of dubious antecedence wholly lacking in standards and principles.
Join us for this illicit and highly ignored by authoritah workshop scheduled for 30 June -3 July 2015 at Randburg Towers Conference Centre, Johannesburg South Africa
Register Now! Sh**load of Seats Available!

R 15,999.00 per Delegate (which is why sh**load of seats is available).

Course Overview
The aim of IFRS is to ensure that our scammers maximize their rape and pillage of the fiscal assets of our intended victims (aka, whoever receives and responds naively to our email solicitations).
 
This interactive training will help our scammers master the form and components of financial assets pillaging prepared under IFRS. Lecture sessions are supplemented by active sessions with severe beatings to attendees who fail practical application exercises during the seminar.  They so named will have their genitals eaten by piranha.
 
The course will cover the following key areas in interassonal financial pillaging:
  • Introduction to IFRSs
  • Content of IFRS Outhouse Pits
  • Financial instruments: Why you can't play a C note in E flat
  • Reducing scam discovery with all sorts of diversions like "is your fly open?"
  •  Revenue from any source:  even cheating two kids with a lemonade stand is new requirement (IFRS 15)
  • In- depth discussion on How To Identify Scambaiters (bastards) 
  • Practical illustrations using models stolen from Russian and American Porn star photos
  • Our New Total Lack Of standards for 2015
  • Don't Finger Your Butt While Scamming
  • Assets -- where and on what
  • Liabilities -- which lies work, which don't
  • Financial Pillage
  • Income Taxes -- we laugh at them like Al sharpton
  • Revenue Recognition (if it's money we steal it)
  • Foreign Currency Issues -- most of it ain't worth a sh**
  • Objectives of the programme
  • Understand how to scam people
  • Apply our complete lack of principles in an online scam context
  • Produce and interpret scam victim opportunities
  • Make more money being a shiftless, dishonest piece of shi**
  • Assess respondents to detect scambaiters (bastards)
  • Provide a fiscal buttf**king to whomever, when and wherever
  • Understand the requirements for IFRS financial scams
  • Analyse and interpret IFRS financial scam opportunities
  • Apply newly applicable IFRS amendments whenever we find one that works
  • Be prepared to have your ass kicked by Ogun if you don't produce
  • Receive information on the latest scam ideas and angles in IFRS in order to plan ahead
  • Become familiar with internet sources  (guest books) to maintain up-to-date scam victim email addresses
  • Understand the progress to date on the lack of standards to IFRS throughout the world

Who should attend?
This course is suitable for any lowlife piece of useless shit who hates the idea of working legitimately for a living.  Examples of some of the roles that will benefit from this course are:
        * Third World Scumbags
  • Leftist Scumbags
  • Democrap National Committee Scumbags
  • Super Volunteers of Hitlary Rodehard Clinton
  • the staff at msnbc and cnn
  • Obola regime Scumbags
 
Course Outline
 
Day 1
Introduction to IFRS
  • Scamology 101
  • How To Lie
  • How To Cheat
  • Standards: Why We Don't Have Any
  • Interpretations: We Don't Need No Stinking Interpretations
  • The IFRS framework: fraud, fraud and more fraud
  • Applying the hierarchy of interassonal standards to others, not us
  • Current status of global warming on Uranus
  • Update on NEW IFRS 13 War On Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches
  • How to research and stay up to date on IFRS 
Case study: The Abacha Scam Template
Scenarios
 
Day 2
 
IFRS 15 – Revenue from anyone by any means
 
    How
  • Inheritance Scams
  • Credit Card Scams
  • Business Scams
  • Mystery Shopper Scams
  • ATM card Scams
  • Dying inheritance Scams
  • Intimidation Scams from FBI, Interpol, IRS
  • Dating Scams
  • Craigslist/Ebay Scams
  • Other Scams
  • Common challenges experienced by scammers
Case Study:  The Charles Soludo Scam Template
Scenarios

Day 3
 
Scam Employee benefits
  • Meet Quotas: No Daily Beatings
  • Free access to Muhammad's Sodomy House of Camels
  • Post-employment benefits – what we'll do to you if you quit us
  • Scenarios 
Day 4

A recap of the first 3 Days for the survivors
  • Pygmy buffet
  • Common challenges experienced by scammers
 
End of the Workshop

Facilitator Ms.Lize TerreBlanche
Highest qualifications: She was sodomized by a goat herd and still won our coveted Scammer Of The Month Award 15 months in a row
 Receive a Free Tour Of A Lagos Fly-Infested Internet Café and visit the only flush toilet outhouse in Nigeria!
 
  For Registration and other
Training arrangements call on the detail below
Tel: 011 057 6001/ 011 051 4586   Fax: 0862 637 253

  IF YOU NO LONGER WISH TO RECEIVE EMAILS FROM US We'll KEEP SENDING THEM ANYWAY YOU STUPID ASSHAT
 


  Whaddaya think?  Do you think the scammers will sign up for the faux conference (and get scammed by some hidden registration fees not herein referenced), or want to sign up for the edited version?

 

 

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

You're head of the curriculum right? I thought so. Brilliant idea.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

14 July, 2015 08:44  

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